#thinking i could do a few of these of other peoples ocs next week if there's an interest in those.. for 2 kofi's im trhinking

[lae-zels]

satuun ma'ar • asmodeus tiefling • bardlock

[ahundredtimesover]

Something About You (03) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: friends au, vacation au, slow burn, romcom-ish vibe; adulting; inspired by AYS; PE teacher!JK and researcher!OC; fluff, comfort, smut (?)

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption, minor injury (18+)

Word count: 17.9k

Series Masterlist

Status: Complete

Series Summary: You and Jungkook have been friends for a decade. And while he’s the charming and dependable, often reserved boy-next-door, he’s also just been a friend - a constant in your life, a part of a whole, and someone who’s seen all the flawed and probably unattractive sides of you.

A resumption of your friend group’s out-of-town trips has caused you to spend more time with him. And somewhere in between the morning coffee in the forest, running around in the snow, and watching the sunset on a boat, he’s become something more. And you’re not quite sure how to deal with it.

🎶: Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney || Yes or No by Jungkook

A/N: My favorite Koo look! Hope you're enjoying this series so far!

[From: kook] Leaving in a bit. Be there in 20.”

You turn off your laptop camera and quickly give Jungkook a call, wanting him to hear your cutesy, pleading voice for this request.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asks on the other end.

“Hello to my amazing friend. I’ve run out of tea and I really need one,” you cry out. “Do you think you can get or make me a cup? Please?”

“Sure, there’s a cafe near my place,” he chuckles. “Anything specific?”

“Chamomile or jasmine,” you respond. “Thank you! I’ll see you in a bit!”

You end the call and quickly get back to your meeting, your fourth one of the day, and it’s only been seven hours since you clocked in at work. You’re thankful for work-from-home Fridays but somehow they’re even more tiring, at least recently, given the upcoming holidays and people taking their respective leaves. 

Like many at your firm, it’s your last day before you take a few weeks off then return in early January. Everyone’s doing end-of-year meetings and pre-planning for next year. There are financial reports to submit and project updates to consolidate. You were able to get all the paperwork done overnight so you could focus on your meetings during the day and you just can��t wait for it to be over so you can completely switch off.

“I guess that wraps it up,” your manager says after you provide a progress summary of all your ongoing research projects. “You got everything on-track and we’ll be starting next year on a good note. Thank you, ___. You deserve this break.”

“We all do,” you smile. “Enjoy the break, everyone! I’ll see you next year.”

You end the meeting and drop your head on your desk. Today was a marathon and you feel like you’re still running on adrenaline so you take deep breaths to calm yourself down. You’ve got a couple of days of vacation with your friends and then several more with your family when you go to your hometown and that technically starts right now. 

So you turn off your laptop, clear out your desk, and do a final check of your things before dressing up in time for Jungkook’s arrival in five minutes. 

He’s already standing by the trunk of his car when you scurry down the driveway and drag your luggage to meet him. You apologize for making him wait but he waves you off to say that it’s okay. You load your things and quickly get into the passenger seat.

“Here’s your tea,” Jungkook says, handing you a hot cup that you excitedly receive. 

You take a sip and hum in satisfaction at its warmth. The scent and the taste are already making you feel better, and you sink in your seat at the comfort it gives you. Releasing a drawn out hum, you feel your muscles slowly relax.

“Looked like you needed that, huh?” Jungkook says as he starts driving.

You’re both headed to the airport where you'll meet your other friends who are on their way there after work, too. Living close to Jungkook, he offered to pick you up so that there’s only one of your cars you’ll leave at the parking for the duration of your trip to Sapporo.

“Totally. I was up until 4AM getting all of my paper work done,” you sigh.

“And what time did you wake up?”

“7:30.”

“Yah, that’s not a healthy sleeping habit,” he reprimands you.

“Says the guy who used to do exactly that,” you point out.

“Those were college days. I’m an adult now, you know? I get at least seven hours of sleep because any less and I’d be a dysfunctional mess.”

“It’s so weird how we’re at that age where we require a lot of hours of sleep but then in 10 years’ time, our body will just decide it can survive with four.”

“We produce less melatonin as we age,” he informs you. “But you know what’s funny about my 4 - 10 AM sleeping pattern before? People thought I was up studying but I was really just playing video games for most of it.”

“Oh I’m not surprised,” you shake your head. “I already knew you're the one who influenced Jimin’s sleeping habits. He used to follow a strict curfew and then you messed it up.”

“Yeah and now he thanks me because he’s now used to it. He says it’s how he survives his job.”

“Working in advertising requires that, I guess,” you frown. “At least he gets to have a break. At least we all do! I am completely shutting off so please call me out if I talk about work.”

“Sure, that’ll be fun,” he chuckles. “Can I call you out on other things, too?”

You make a face at him and say he’ll do that anyway even if you tell him not to.

You yawn for the third time in the past minute and Jungkook turns to you. 

“Sleep. It’s a long drive so might as well get some of your energy back,” he says. “I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

“Okay,” you say as you yawn again. “If I snore… just suck it up.”

He playfully rolls his eyes then points to the lever that adjusts the seat so you can lie down more comfortably. He puts some mellow music on and you fall asleep instantly, curled against your arms and soft snores escaping you. 

Jungkook can only laugh to himself as he sneaks glances at you during the ride. It was about a month ago when he told himself that the way to deal with this maybe harmless and fleeting crush he has for you is to spend less time together. That was only slightly possible because there was some lunch or dinner with your friends every weekend, but it wasn’t as if not seeing you meant he wasn’t thinking about you. 

Of course he still was. He thought about you a lot and wondered how you were doing. For the first time, he was thankful for his stressful job and the busy days of making student reports for the end of the semester, which meant he couldn’t always meet you every time you asked if he was done with work or if he was in the area where you were. He was always tempted to just drop things to see you but he knew that would make things more complicated for him. 

But then again, he hasn’t even fully grasped exactly what he feels yet. Is it admiration? A newfound fondness? Did he just need to rid himself of some past baggage that he didn’t even realize he was carrying for things to make sense to him? 

Regardless, he knew that spending more time with you - for an extended period of time, and in close proximity - isn’t going to make things easier. But Taehyung just had to spring this trip on all of you and no one could refuse because he’s actually the other baby of the group that everyone has a soft spot for and he’s leaving for who knows how long again in a few months. 

Jungkook’s not complaining at the least because he’d go anywhere with his friends. He just finds it a bit comical that this is exactly what he said he shouldn’t be doing but here he is now - on another long drive with you asleep next to him, with a two-plus hour flight ahead to a city he always wanted to go to, and a few days of winter coldness that might cause him to seek your warmth in one way or another. Or you might seek his for all he knows and that might actually be worse.

He just shakes his head and focuses on the road after glancing at you again. He’s not really the type to overthink things. He’s fared well in most aspects of his life by going with the flow and dealing with whatever comes his way. 

Though his relationships are another story, he supposes those youthful years were characterised by a level of insecurity and lack of trust in himself that made him hold onto things that didn’t feel right. He thinks he’s a lot more mature now - he’ll have conviction in whatever he feels for you, whatever it is, and he’ll accept rejection if that’s where it’ll lead to. 

He’ll see where things go but for now, what matters is that he, you, and all of your friends get to enjoy this trip as much as possible.

Jungkook finally makes it to the airport and checks in his car for a few days of parking. He wakes you up and you take a while to open your eyes. He pats your head when you do and reminds you that you’ll have more time to sleep on the plane.

You dazedly drag your luggage and you pout at Jungkook who giggles at your sleepy state. 

“I’m so tired,” you pout at him as you both make your way to the check-in area where the rest of your friends are waiting.

“I can tell. Let’s just get through the gates and then you can sleep somewhere there, okay?”

You nod as if you’ll cry any moment, and part of him wants to just pull you close so you can lean on him while you sleep but that might be too unexpected so he just puts his hand on your shoulder to stop you from falling. 

“Princess can’t stay awake?” Jimin’s voice cuts through the airport chatter.

“She barely got any sleep last night and she had meetings all day,” Jungkook informs your friends who have gathered where you are. 

“Aww, poor thing,” Jimin hums as he hugs you, and you respond by hugging him tighter.

“Let’s get to the gates then,” Yoongi orders. “There are lots of places we can eat and rest at.”

You all line up and slowly get through the check-in line before you’re able to head to the gates. Gyu-rim finds a table big enough for 12 at a restaurant and while all of them order their meals, you stay seated, with your head on Jimin’s shoulder and on your way to dreamland once again. 

“Let’s take turns,” Mo-eum tells him, as she finishes her rice bowl first then shifts your head to lean on hers after.

You briefly wake up to have a few spoonfuls of your bulgogi before offering the rest to Jungkook and then taking quick naps again. You’ve seriously never been this tired. But you feel like your body knew it could afford to just shut down because you’re on vacation. It just didn’t plan it well enough because you’re in the middle of the airport, just randomly dozing off. 

You finally board the plane and find that you’re seated next to Jungkook who’s on the window seat, and Taehyung and Mo-eum are on the row in front of you, while an aisle separates you from Jimin. It’s a good enough arrangement, and Jungkook helps you load your carry-on in the overhead compartment before you take your seat and immediately rest your head on his shoulder.

It’s a natural thing for you to do, and you suppose your friends are used to you by now. You make yourself comfortable then look up to smile at Jungkook.

“I’m gonna fall asleep once we take-off,” you tell him.

“I’m sure you will,” he chuckles, as he looks through the emergency instructions. 

“Have we sat next to each other on a flight before?” You ask.

“Uh, I think this one flight to Jeju,” Jungkook responds. “But that was some time ago. I might’ve been asleep then.”

“Hmm, that’s why,” you hum.

“What?”

“I didn’t realize how comfy you are.”

“It’s probably the clothes, ___,” he reasons, more to himself. “I need them to be fluffy and warm because it’s winter.”

You adjust yourself again before resettling your head on his side.

“Maybe.”

Jungkook doesn’t overthink it. You’ve leaned on his shoulder lots of times before. This isn’t out of the ordinary. But with you pointing out that you haven’t really sat next to each other on flights before reminds him again of how you’ve always just been part of the whole. And now he’s got this time and proximity with you and it’s comforting but also exciting.

Even if yes, he’s just playing games on his phone while you flick through the airplane magazine while waiting for take-off. Once you’re up in the air and the seatbelt light has turned off, you push back your seat and start dozing off.

Your head keeps slipping from the position it’s in, even as he tries to straighten it so you don’t hurt your neck in the process. Perhaps out of discomfort, you briefly wake up to unlatch the table then lay the pillow and your head on it. Even then, it constantly bounces from the slight turbulence so you sit back again and shift your body in search of the right position. 

Jungkook sees you cross your arms against your chest and assumes you’re cold, but just as he’s about to cover you with his airline-provided blanket, Mo-eum peeks her head from between the seats. 

“She needs to hug something when she’s asleep,” your best friend says. 

“Oh, uh—”

You curl your body in the seat and snore softly, and Jungkook can sense your body’s need for a proper position. So he lightly taps you awake, grabs a spare hoodie from his bag on the floor, then places it on his lap. He gestures towards it and you take the offer, immediately pulling up the arm rest and laying half of your body on top of his. 

You bend your legs and adjust yourself. You have your pillow on top of his jacket that’s on top of his lap, your blanket over you and then his blanket for you to hug. You release a low moan then your breathing steadies. Figuring out your position must’ve tired you, but with how fast you’ve fallen asleep, he figures you’ve found the right one.

Is he glad it’s on his lap? Not exactly, and only because it’s a kind of closeness he’s not used to with you, and he’s worried he’d look for it. But it doesn’t matter because you’re comfortable and he’d gladly help you get that much deserved rest in whatever way. Even if it’s at the cost of his stupid heart. 

Mo-eum peeks again to check on you and giggles when she sees where you ended up. She turns around and kneels on her seat to take a photo of you slumped on Jungkook’s lap while the said man poses. 

“Cute,” she smiles, before sitting back down and showing it to her seatmate.

It prompts Taehyung to turn around, too, laughing under his breath at how Jungkook is trying to figure out where to place his hands, now that you’ve hijacked his personal space. 

But Jungkook does figure it out, as he holds onto your arm to keep you from falling in case there’s another turbulence. Thankfully there isn’t, and when it’s announced that the plane will now start its descent so everyone must sit upright, he wakes you up and tells you that you’ll be landing soon.

You were in deep sleep and having a good dream that you don’t remember and the next thing you know, someone’s shaking your arm and telling you to wake up. Feeling like you’re on a bed, you shift your body and stretch your arms. But then you hear a groan and you look up to see Jungkook glaring at you.

“Did I hit your face?” You gasp, suddenly sitting up then turning his chin to check any damage. “I’m sorry! Are you okay?”

“You hit my jaw,” he groans. “But yeah, I’m fine.”

“Oops,” you sweetly smile. 

“Hey, you don’t apologize like that to me or Jimin when you hit our faces,” Taehyung remarks, turning his head and cocking his eyebrow. 

“That’s because Kook has a precious nose that must always be protected,” you reply with a straight face. “You don’t.”

“Yah!” Jungkook exclaims, knowing it’s a running joke in your group.

He pinches you in retaliation but you giggle at him and pinch his cheeks in response. 

“I’m kidding. Thanks, Kook. I’ve regained my energy and now I feel ready to take on the day,” you confidently say.

“___, it’s 9:30 PM,” Jungkook deadpans. 

“I’m really hungry, too,” you add, disregarding his statement.

“So now we have to deal with an energetic and hungry you? At this hour?” Jungkook groans. 

“Order food with me when we get to the hotel?” You ask, not minding his complaints. 

“And if it’s closed?”

“The convenience store, then!”

“Now I’m the one who’s tired.”

“No, you’re not! You can’t be!” You pout at him with your puppy eyes.

“Fine, whatever,” he gives in as he always does.

You’re talking about the dream you don’t remember when the sight of the snow-capped streets catches Jungkook’s attention. You see his doe-eyes go wide and he looks so innocent,  but you understand the amusement - it looks stunning outside and you can’t wait to bury yourself in the pillowy ice and breathe in the chilly air.

Both of you just look out while waiting to land and disembark. You manage to get all your luggage quickly then head to three separate rented cars to drive to your lodging for tonight.

The hotel restaurant isn’t taking orders anymore so you announce to the group that you and Jungkook are going to the convenience store across the street. Jimin, Namjoon, and Suhyeon join you, and you’re skipping out the lobby to get your snacks in no time. 

Jungkook tells you to be careful because the roads are slippery but you show-off your sliding skills that make you feel like you’re ice skating. He copies you and shows off, too, speeding his leg movements as he walks down an icier path.

But then he slips and falls to the ground, and you can’t help the way you laugh at his mishap. You can hear your other three friends laughing as they walk towards you, and Jungkook remains lying on the ground, laughing, too.

“You’re so clumsy,” you mock him, as it’s one of the things he says to you whenever you fall or hit something. 

“I was just trying to show you what not to do,” he makes a face before taking the hand you’ve reached out for him to take. “So don’t go skating and shit, okay? You might hurt yourself.”

“I won’t. I’m not a show-off nor a klutz,” you say and stick your tongue out.

He frowns at you then pulls you by your cheek to enter the store.

You, Jimin, and Jungkook stay together while you go around and drop various things in your basket that you think Taehyung and Mo-eum would like, too. You all get some chips, matcha cookies, chocolates, mini-cakes, instant ramen, beer... and about a dozen tuna mayo triangle kimbap because Jungkook is obsessed with them. You meet Namjoon and Suhyeon at the counter where they’ve filled their basket with a bunch of other things as well then head back to the hotel.

As is often the arrangement, the five of you share a suite while your seven other friends share one as well, and you make your way to the living room where all your purchases have been dumped on the table. 

Being that you barely had dinner and Jungkook’s stomach is a bottomless pit, both of you make ramen and get one rice ball each while the rest munch on snacks and dessert. Spread across the couch and the floor, you all hold up your beer cans and make a toast to this trip. 

Later that night, you watch the snow fall from the window as you sip the chamomile tea that Jungkook bought for you at the store. The city is beautiful at this hour and it feels cozy and romantic and exciting yet peaceful all at once. It’s a kind of feeling you’ve always wanted to experience, and now you know how a place can make you feel that way. 

Like all the times your mind has travelled somewhere, you suddenly wonder if it’s possible with a person. And if maybe, somewhere in this town, they’re right by their window, thinking the same thing, too.

You wake up to the sound of your alarm the next morning. For the brief moment right before you open your eyes, you feel that sense of relief over what turned out to be a really good sleep. 

Despite being knocked out the whole flight then eating and drinking late at night, you managed to get enough rest. You’ve truly switched off now. All you can think about are the sights you’ll see and food you’ll eat and all the time you’ll spend just walking through the snowy streets. 

The last time you all went to Japan, it was an action-packed trip. You went to amusement parks and went partying at night. This time, everyone decided on taking things slow. Sapporo’s perfect for that, and you suppose it’s what you all need.

Sitting up from the bed, you see that you’ve kicked your blanket off the edge while Mo-eum is cocooned under the sheets. You like the cold and you wish you had the aircon at a lower temperature, but your best friend freezes easily so you let the room stay warm. 

You tap her on the foot as an attempt to wake her up before heading out to the living area. The boys are in the other room and they seem to still be asleep. Wanting to see how the sun shines on the street outside, you pull open the curtains to let the light in and the way it does makes things look more enchanting.

But then a grunting sound disrupts your moment, prompting you to turn around.

It takes five seconds for you to notice Jungkook, who had camouflaged on the black couch with his black shirt and sweatpants and his arms behind his head. He seems to have slept there, as evidenced by the rearranged pillows and his half-lidded eyes gazing at you. The sun probably woke him up, so you apologize and try to close the curtains but he tells you it’s okay.

“Did you sleep here?” You ask, as you sit on the other end of where he is.

He groggily nods his yes.

“It was too hot in the room. Tae and Jimin had the aircon on fan mode.”

“Oh, that sucks,” you say. “Mo-eum had the temp high, too, and I ended up kicking my blanket on the floor. I like it cold.”

“Me, too,” Jungkook hums. “Good thing the couch is comfy.”

“You and Mo-eum can just switch places then,” you suggest. “The three warmies can stay in one room and you and I can enjoy a cold night.”

If Jungkook wasn’t awake five seconds ago, now he is. It’s not like he’s never shared a room with you before but with his little feelings recently, it might as well be the first time. He knows he can stay up with you just talking or saying nothing at all. You could also pass out and snore like crazy but then again, he wouldn’t mind that either. It’ll just be something new he’d tease you about, as if your snoring video that he shows to your friends isn’t enough.

“Sounds good,” he manages to say. 

Yawning as he stretches, he asks you what the itinerary is for the day.

“Do you not read the group chat?” You laugh at him. “The schedule is pinned on there.”

“Not really.”

“How do you ever know what’s going on, then?”

“I wait for Jimin or Tae to tell me when it’s about something important because they know I don’t check messages,” he shrugs. 

“You’re weird,” you playfully roll your eyes. “But anyway. We’re gonna have lunch, go to a beer museum, go to a mountain, check the–”

“You’re climbing?” He exclaims.

“We go by cable car, duh! Do you expect me to climb? In this weather?”

“You wouldn’t do it either way.”

“Excuse me, I climbed that mountain in Chungbuk,” you remind him.

“You mean I dragged you,” he chuckles. “And come on, ___. That wasn’t a mountain mountain. It was a short hike because we were already on the mountain. I just wanted to know if I had to drag your ass again or something.”

You make faces while he talks, prompting him to hit you with the small pillow.

“Yah!” You whine, hitting him back. 

Jungkook turns into a childish man when he’s challenged or provoked. He tends to be nonchalant about most things but you also know that he likes to play around and tease. He also likes to show off his athleticism and agility because now, as you try to hit him back again, he’s effectively dodging you while landing his pillow shots on your face.

“Kook, I’m gonna get your annoying ass,” you groan, grabbing the bigger pillow and then hitting him a little harder, knowing it’s not gonna affect him anyway. 

This dude is built like a brick. It just doesn’t seem like it because he’s always in loose clothes, but you know enough that not much hurts him. But you’re so into the pillow fight that he ends up lying down on the couch while you sit on top of him, your legs wrapped around his waist, and he’s there chuckling and blocking your hits. 

You take a rest, essentially giving him an opening. But instead of attacking, he turns to you and places his hands behind his head.

“Okay fine, I’ll let you make one last hit then we call it quits,” he says, challenging you.

You consider it, and as you act like you’re going to smack his face, you instead drop the pillow and make a tiny pinch on the sliver of his stomach that’s been exposed from all his movements. He yelps in pain and you manage to get off him in time, or else he would’ve easily wrestled you or turned you over.

He chases after you to the kitchen though, and you’re definitely not fast enough for the Jeon Jungkook. Before you know it, you’re getting pulled by your shirt and being tickled in your torso that you easily give up, facing him in submission then catching your breath.

“You’re such a brat,” he frowns. “That hurt.”

He slightly raises his shirt and discovers the red mark on his stomach that you caused.

You gasp in surprise; you didn’t realize you hurt him that bad. You pout then hug him - a reflex almost because this is how you apologize to your friends when you get a little too intense - and apologize.

“Nah, a hug won’t cut it,” he says, not returning the act.

You look up at him with sorry eyes.

“Coffee?”

“Nope.”

“A 6-pack in the beer museum later?” You sweetly smile, knowing that’s his weakness.

He gives in. “Deal.”

“Wow, that was easy,” you chuckle as you let go of him. 

“You leave a mark, you get me beer. It’s that simple,” he shrugs. 

“I bet it didn’t even really hurt,” you cock an eyebrow.

“___, it’s literally red. Look. It might even have a bit of your nail stuck in there.”

He pulls up his shirt again to show you the crescent on his abdomen and though you feel sorry, you also can’t help but tease.

“Show-off,” you stick your tongue out.

“Hey, I worked hard on that.”

“I’m sure, and they look great,” you flash a smile. 

“Kook, why are you giving ___ a private show this early in the morning?” Jimin says as he enters the kitchen. 

Jungkook tries not to look scandalized at the comment even if he knows it’s just his best friend’s way of teasing.

“She pinched me.”

“The tiny, painful kind?” Jimin asks.

“Yes. And I was just showing her the damage.”

Jimin turns to you with a disapproving look. “You’re a brat.”

“I said I was sorry,” you pout at Jungkook again. 

You look adorable and he can’t really be angry. 

“She’ll make it up to me with beer at least.”

“That’s not too bad,” Jimin laughs. “Just be her punching bag and you’ll end up with lots of free things.”

Jungkook chuckles in agreement and proceeds to boil water for coffee. It’s 10:30 AM and you’re set to meet the rest of your friends in an hour for lunch, so you munch on another triangle kimbap and some snacks then get dressed.

As you’re going down the stairs to the lobby, you slow down to walk with Jungkook and you turn to him.

“You’re not mad, right? I’m sorry again,” you say softly.

There’s an innocence in your eyes as you utter the words and Jungkook has to stop himself from engulfing you in a hug. 

It’s fondness, he convinces himself. It’s this tenderness that always cuts through at the end that gets him. You can be playful and rowdy and unforgiving sometimes but you’re affectionate and gentle and it catches him off guard. He doesn’t know why it’s never affected him like this before because he knows you’ve been like this to him before.

“I’m not,” he says, nudging your shoulder in assurance. “It’s stopped hurting and your nail marks will go away. You’re all good.”

“Good. We don’t want blemishes on those pretty abs,” you wink.  

He laughs in your wake. He hopes the fondness he feels for you stays. He also hopes that’s all there really is.

The ramen place you find for lunch is a tiny restaurant that manages to fit all of you. You and Taehyung moan in satisfaction at the richness of the broth, content with your weak people’s palette that can only handle the lowest level of spiciness, whereas Jimin next to you winces because he definitely didn’t expect his level 7 to be that hot. But still, he says it’s one of the most delicious things he’s ever eaten and you’d have to agree. 

The restaurant is buzzing in chatter and laughter because of all of you, especially when Gyu-rim calls out Jungkook’s bottomless pit of a stomach once again.

He ordered chashu don with his ramen but is on his second serving of the rice bowl after Suhyeon offered the one she couldn’t finish. 

“You know how normal people stop eating after they’re full?” He says. “I end up eating five more portions.”

“Oh, we know,” most of you answer in unison. 

“How good is it anyway?” You ask.

“Dude, it’s so good,” he moans, furrowing his brows; he tends to look angry when the food is delicious.

You open your mouth to signal that you want to try it and Jungkook prepares a spoonful for you. He’s about to hand it over but then you stand and lean over the table, so he feeds you and tips the spoon to make sure you get everything in your mouth.

It’s something he’s done with you lots of times before but this feels different. There’s that fuzzy feeling of doing this intimate act for you, even as a friend. 

Because it’s just that, he reminds himself - an act of affection towards a person dear to him.

You hum with a full mouth with how good it is and urge Mo-eum to try as well, so Jungkook feeds her, too - something completely normal that doesn't elicit any unusual warm feeling. But he can’t keep his eyes off you still chewing your food while asking for another spoonful with the ramen broth this time after he said it was even better together.

You lean over again and Yoongi tells you to just order your own. 

“We’re not in a rush. We can stay here for as long as you all want,” Hoseok - the one who keeps you all on track with schedules during your trips - says.

You smile in response then scurry to the ticket machine to order more. You’re served two bowls not long after, and you announce that you got another one so each person can try it at least once, starting with Jimin who gets two spoonfuls. 

You prepare one yourself and lean over to Jungkook to feed him this time. He’s caught off guard but he opens his mouth in time before you complain that he’s taking too long. Returning to your seat, you get another bite for yourself then another.

“Yah, I gave you two spoonfuls,” Jungkook reminds you.

“Get from the other bowl,” you frown at him. “That’s why I got two!”

He laughs, only wanting to rile you up, but he does finish what your friends couldn’t, and there he goes again with his unnecessary fifth portion.

Once you’ve finished, you head to a local park that’s covered in snow. Jimin immediately runs and dives on one of the mounds he sees and you follow, loving the pillowy ice almost as much as he does. Soon enough, Mo-eum, Jungkook, and Taehyung are next to you, lying down and making snow angels, all the while giggling like little kids.

Your seven older friends all stand around and watch with the softest smiles on their faces.

“This is why we came here, right?” Hoseok hums. “To watch them be like this?”

“It’s like I’m watching our grown up children,” Yoongi says.

“We’re two years apart,” Gyu-rim points out. “They’re not that young.”

“I don’t know. I kinda feel like they are,” Yoongi replies.

“You’re just old,” she counters, quietly laughing when the other man chuckles to himself.

It’s a struggle getting off the ground when it’s so soft and cold. But your jacket is also added weight and you’re scolding yourself for not being agile like your friends who can easily get up and then run further into the park.

“Kook, help me,” you plead with your legs bent to your sides and your one arm raised. “I can’t carry myself.”

Jungkook sighs but pulls you anyway. You pant as you try to walk towards the frozen pond and he teases by saying that you probably need a piggyback ride or something.

“Will you give me one?” You smile sweetly.

“Nope,” he smiles back, and you pout at him in return. 

He easily could, but Jungkook - normally - likes to tease you. He gives in most times, but he’s been trying to recall how he was prior to these possible feelings surfacing and he remembers that there were times when he turned you down or argued with you first before granting your request. 

He’s trying to balance it out for that sense of normalcy he wants to maintain. He can’t have anyone, especially you, suspecting him of treating you differently, even if deep down, he wants to give you that piggyback ride or hold your hand while dragging you all the way to the center of the park. 

But he goes with the latter. Similar to what he did during your hike months ago, he pulls you by the wrist until you reach the pond. 

He watches you look around in awe. He does the same while stealing glances and he hopes no one notices. He’s not really ready to explain himself to anyone about something he’s still trying to make sense of.

The hour flies by. You spend it just walking around and having mini snowball fights where you all ban Jungkook because he was making snow boulders and burying Jimin in them. You buy coffee from a park stall and finish it by the time you’re back in your cars.

You head to a Beer Museum after. The building itself is stunning and you spend time just admiring it. Inside, you explore Sapporo and Hokkaido’s history and take time reading and watching the information presented. Jungkook, of course, heads straight away to the tasting section and begins eyeing which drinks he wants to sample.

He loves beer, which is ironic for a PE teacher who teaches his students about healthy living but like he says, too much of something is what makes it unhealthy. Plus, there are doctors who have worse vices and so he gets a pass. 

And maybe he’s right. Jungkook has a high tolerance for many things and he knows when to stop but you also know he truly enjoys the taste, and not just the social aspect of drinking it. 

You’re still exploring, as you’re more interested in learning more than drinking, but most of your friends have already gone ahead, with only Suhyeon and Hoseok walking alongside you.

“Don’t forget that you promised me a six-pack,” Jungkook reminds you once you get to him.

“Why, what did you do?” Gyu-rim asks you, knowing that’s the only reason you’d agree to buy Jungkook something.

“She pinched me on the stomach this morning and it left a mark,” Jungkook narrates. “It hurt like hell.”

“Is that why you were showing your abs to ___ in the kitchen?” Taehyung asks. “I was half asleep but I saw you. I thought you were being kinky or something.”

“I said the same thing!” Jimin exclaims, causing your friends to laugh.

“Yah! I had to show her proof because she didn’t wanna believe me!” Jungkook defends. 

“Because you don’t even get hurt!” You answer back. 

“Wow, that’s deep,” Jimin hums. “And totally off-mark. Kook is a sensitive one.”

“Yeah, but his body isn’t,” you pout, knowing exactly what your best friend means. 

Jungkook laughs it off then returns to his beer tasting, claiming that he wants three cans of two different exclusive flavors. You agree and taste them at his insistence and decide to buy a variety of alcohol as well. 

It’s close to sunset when you finish, then you all head to Mt. Moiwa for some scenery. It’s a chilly and entertaining ride to the top, with Hoseok and Jimin going from amused to terrified in seconds, and you’re glad you decided to join their cable car instead of Jungkook and Mo-eum who’d probably be dancing around because they’re not really scared of anything.

As you expected, the view is pretty special. Everything is blanketed in snow and the city lights add that urban charm. You stay there until the sun has completely set before going to your final stop of the night - the Christmas Market. It’s something you’ve always wanted to experience, so all of you walk through the streets and look at every stall for something to buy or taste.

Jimin and Yoongi try some mulled wine and Namjoon buys some cute figurines. Seokjin and Hayoung buy something to commemorate their last overseas trip before getting married, and you and Suhyeon munch on a pretzel. 

And then there’s Jungkook - a gourmet sausage on one hand and a donut on the other. 

“Kook, we still have dinner. You know that, right?” Hoseok laughs from next to him, clearly amused at how his younger friend can still have an appetite. 

“Of course he does, that’s why he’s eating all this now so he has space for more later on,” Gyu-rim states. “Go on, Kook. Eat to your heart’s content.”

You stand next to Jungkook as you wait for Suhyeon who said she’ll order hot chocolate for you.

“Is it good?” You ask.

“Yup,” he mumbles. “Try some!”

Like always, you open your mouth and he feeds you the donut, prompting you to complain that sweets always go last. He just laughs at you and waits for you to finish chewing before letting you bite off his sausage.

“That’s good,” you hum, uncaring about the juice that drips on the side of your mouth.

“Yah,” Jungkook groans. He takes his napkin and wipes it off your face. “Are you a child?”

“You literally eat with sauce all over your face,” you call him out.

“And you’ve never wiped them off. Gee, thanks,” he counters.

“You’re an adult.”

“And so are you,” he chuckles while he continues to wipe you clean. 

You stand there, clad in a loose jacket and a beanie that makes you look adorable, and he can’t help but smile once again. You’re such a handful sometimes but he likes this. He likes giving in to your requests and watching you enjoy it and maybe cleaning up your mess, too. He likes seeing you appreciate the things that he does. He likes knowing you’re curious about what he’s up to and then sharing it with him.

He doesn’t recall ever caring this much but he’s down that slope of finding everything you do so captivating that he might as well smile every time you breathe.

Suddenly he feels silly, and he makes a face at you to mask whatever he’s feeling. 

You leave him once Suhyeon calls and Jungkook’s left there to shake his head and internally scold himself to get it together.

You return to the hotel, drop your things in your rooms, then head to the restaurant for dinner. It’s a spread of premium meat, hotpot that tastes like cabbage water, and some of the freshest seafood you’ve ever had. 

You jump in your seat in delight and Jungkook does the same. After all the bickering, you know that both of you love food so much even if he enjoys it because he knows how it’s supposed to taste, whereas for you, most things are just delicious. It’s just funny that you’re only realizing now that both of you react to things pretty much the same way.

You’re back in the suite by 10 PM, and the five of you take turns in the bathroom while the boys play a card game with push-ups as punishment for the loser while you and Mo-eum act as both penalty enforcer and cheerleader. 

The tiredness from the day slowly creeps in so you all retire to your rooms, upholding this morning’s agreement about who’s sleeping where. 

Jungkook lies down on Mo-eum’s bed and half wishes that he’ll fall asleep soon so that he doesn’t have to spend more of this time alone with you. The last time that happened, his heart was doing weird things and now that might just happen again.

He starts to slowly doze off when your voice wakes him up.

“Do you want to put on a face mask?”

“Uhm, okay,” he stupidly gives in easily.

You grab two packs and a mirror from your pouch then try to put the mask on properly. You turn to Jungkook who now kneels next to you, as if asking him to fix it. He shifts it a little before putting one on himself. He turns to you as well and you flatten the edges, making sure you spread the serum from his jaw down to his neck, completely unaware of how you’re affecting him.

For some reason, you decide to sit in the space between the beds so Jungkook follows suit. There’s not much distance between the both of you but this isn’t the first time. He supposes he’ll just keep doing what he’s been trying to do - try to act normal while also figuring out exactly what he feels without making it obvious that something has changed. 

“Today was good,” you hum. “I liked playing in the snow and walking around. And now it’s 12 AM but we’re not passed out. What a change from years ago.”

“Such a change,” he laughs, reminiscing about your post-university trips where you were finally earning money and spending it on shopping and partying. “Hong Kong was the worst.”

You and Jimin were drunk and entered the wrong hotel, and Jungkook was the one who looked for you and dragged your asses out of there before you fought the hotel staff for not letting you into your room.

You remember that night and smile behind your mask. “Oops.”

“So yeah, this trip is good,” he chuckles. “We just get to relax and do whatever we want and actually remember everything and you know, not end up fighting strangers and stuff.”

You laugh in response.

“I liked the park, too. And my free beer. Thanks again, ___.”

You’re reminded of your comment from earlier about him not getting hurt. It’s not that deep but given the conversations you’ve been having with him and the things you know that the others don’t, it may not have been the best thing to say.

“What I said when we were at the museum…” you start. “I know it might have a double meaning but you know what I meant.”

It takes a while for him to figure out what you’re referring to but when he does, he just shakes his head. 

“I know what you meant and it’s totally fine. I didn’t take it the wrong way.”

“But still, I’m sorry,” you mutter. 

“It’s okay. Why are you always apologizing though?”

“Because I�� don’t wanna do or say anything that’ll hurt you,” you admit. “I mean duh, I don’t want to do that to any of my friends but with you, it’s different.”

Jungkook’s thankful that of all the times he agreed to put on a mask, it was tonight, because at least you can’t see the way his face falls at your statement.

Different? What does that mean? Surely it can’t mean the same different he feels towards you because you haven’t acted out of the ordinary with him at all. 

But you’re unpredictable sometimes and he doesn’t really know what to expect.

“What do you mean?” He manages to ask.

“Like… it’s simple and unproblematic. We bicker, we tease, we comfort each other… You’re there when I need you; I’m there when you need me, but we don’t need each other all the time. You get what I mean? We’re close but not–”

“Too close?” He finishes.

“Yeah, and it’s a good thing,” you clarify. “It’s not like with Jimin where we get on each other’s nerves all the time but we worry about the other just as much. But that’s always how we’ve been. And with Tae… I miss him so much when he’s away but I can’t tell him that because I don’t want him to worry. And he worries a lot and that affects him.”

“Tae does worry a lot about you. At one point I thought there was…”

“Something more?” You chuckle, and Jungkook nods in response.

It’s something he asked his friend years ago but Taehyung insisted there wasn’t anything.

“I pushed myself so hard in university. And when I worked there after graduation, I lost myself for a bit and Tae was just always there. I guess I became dependent on him as a friend to an extent,” you explain. “So a bit of that still lingers. I want to tell him things but not every little thing so he doesn’t worry. And Jimin’s like family and families fight sometimes. All of that said, you and I have always been… normal, for lack of a better term.”

Jungkook hums, as he tries to find the right words to say. But he gets it. It’s not like he was ever jealous about your closeness with Taehyung or Jimin; it was just a fact he accepted because it had always been like that. A big part of it was definitely because he had Joo-yun early on, and that kept him from developing a closer bond with you unlike his friends. 

And while he regretted the part where he could’ve gotten closer to you much earlier, he supposes maybe it wasn’t that bad. Like you said, what both of you share is simple and unproblematic. There are no expectations, no fights, no secrets.

Well, maybe now there is, and Jungkook is a little guilty for feeling things while you continue believing that everything between both of you is simple. He reminds himself there are no expectations on his end and that as far as he knows, he’s not fully acting on whatever he feels. He’s just… going with the flow.

He recalls that conversation at your apartment about both of you wishing you’d been better friends to each other back then. For him, it was about knowing your struggles and being there for you. Perhaps it was that distance that led to this kind of friendship you have now. He stops himself short of thinking that while this is normal, so is getting used to each other and developing feelings. You’re not a believer of friends turning into lovers so maybe your definition of normal is also different.

He wills his thoughts to stop forming right now, not when you’re in the middle of something pretty serious. He wants to assure you that he’ll keep that unspoken promise you made about being better friends to each other. On one hand, that could mean not crossing any line and keeping things simple, like you said. On the other hand, it might also mean just being honest and making you feel comfortable in being the same.

“I don’t want to do or say anything that’ll hurt you, too,” he finally says. “Tell me if I do, yeah?”

“I will,” you nod, and he can sense a smile behind the mask. “Can I be honest though? It’s hard to continue being serious when you look like that.”

He nudges your knee. “You’re the one who wanted to put this on!”

“I know, but then I got carried away,” you laugh, pulling the sheet mask off your face now and throwing it in the trash. “We’ve been having more deep conversations lately, Kook. It’s like we turned 28 and then poof, we became mature.”

“It doesn’t work that way but sure, ___,” he chuckles, clearing his face now, too. “I think experience does that. We realize what we want for ourselves and others, what we’re willing to tolerate, and what we want to focus our energy on. And we’re barely 30. We’re not even close to our peak.”

“So I’m gonna be even more mature?” You gasp. “Are you gonna be ready for that?”

“Okay, much as I’d like to tease you, you honestly don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re wise and mature and deep and shit, and not just because you’re an intellectual,” he clarifies. “You’re a smart person who also feels things, and I think maturity stems from that.”

“Hmm, I suppose,” you say, yawning as you crawl into bed. “But you’re a lot more mature than I am.”

“I’ll take that,” Jungkook smiles. 

He lies in bed and turns off the night light. There’s a beat of silence before your sleepy voice echoes in the room.

“Kook?”

“Hmm?” 

“Thank you for always making me feel better about myself. It means a lot.”

Your deep breathing follows and he supposes you’ve already fallen asleep. He wishes he’d said something right away but he couldn’t find the words, like always. 

He holds onto the fact that that was your last thought before you knocked out and he was at least awake to hear it. He’s sure you know he heard you and that should be enough.

You wake up much better the next day, given that the room temperature was what you wanted. You were curled under the covers with your feet warm from your socks, and there’s just something refreshing about feeling cold in the morning. 

It’s a much earlier call time today, as you’ll be taking a train to a nearby town. You all get ready, and you’re doing your makeup in the living room while you glance at Jungkook doing his morning skincare routine. 

You remember a time when Hayoung used to scold him for not wearing sunscreen despite spending all day outdoors. Eventually he developed that habit, including putting on toner and moisturizer. He has a headband on and it causes you to giggle. 

Even without trying, Jungkook looks adorable sometimes. His oversized tan hoodie swallows his body. The way his hair falls over his forehead and his large, bright eyes make him look like a boba ball. There’s something so endearing about him as he alternates between two pairs of sunglasses because he can’t figure out which to wear. 

“Second one,” you call out. “It settles cutely on your nose.”

“I can’t tell if that’s an insult or…”

“I’m disappointed you’d even think I would ever insult your nose!” You gasp.

Walking towards him, you adjust the black jacket over his hoodie and fix his bangs.

“You’re so dramatic,” he chuckles, feeling his throat immediately dry up with you being so near him.

It’s another one of those normal things you do often that suddenly means more to him now. You’ve also always looked nice barefaced but when you’re made up and this close to him? He wonders if you’ve always been this pretty. 

“I mean it. This nose has super powers,” you say, pinching them out of reflex.

“And what does it do?”

“It keeps me from getting angry when I’m hungry. Too cute.”

“You’re so annoying,” he groans, as you laugh and yell out for your other friends to finish up.

They eventually do and you decide to separate from the older ones at least for today’s coffee run. You find a nice cafe and order some drinks and fluffy pancakes that’s perfect for this weather, and then you meet the rest in the train station for this morning’s little excursion.

The coastal train ride to Otaru, especially during winter, is apparently a must-do. And you agree, as you lean your head on Taehyung’s shoulder while the ocean comes into view. It’s so scenic, as the waves crash on the shore, just like that famous painting, and there’s that enchanting feeling once more in seeing the snow-covered town.

The 45-minute trip is spent looking at the views while talking to Mo-eum who sits in front of you, and occasionally taking photos of Jungkook and Jimin right behind you. You savor the simplicity of the experience and the fact that over a decade in, you still get to enjoy this with your friends. To remain this close and to have them so constant is a blessing, and something you don’t ever want to take for granted. 

You arrive in the port city and immediately fall in love with it. From the architecture to the historical mansions and quaint streets, it gives such a unique and warm vibe despite the icy winds and snowfall. 

You all decide to get hot drinks while you make your way to the frozen canal. There’s so much to see and just like yesterday, you take your time in taking in your surroundings, with the occasional snowball fight care of Jungkook at the expense of poor Jimin. It’s one of the few entertainment sources of the morning. There’s also making a Yoongi snowman and trying your butts at snow sledding using your puffer coats. The film cameras that Jungkook and Hoseok bring capture it all.

The group separates into two when you find a Music Box Museum that you want to explore while Jungkook and Yoongi choose a brewery to taste their season-exclusive drinks. Jimin and Gyu-rim join them so the rest of you head to the stunning building and look through thousands of music boxes and Christmas decorations. You reconvene after two hours and aren’t surprised when the other group brings back a few bottles of liquor that they said they wanted to try tonight.

You choose one of the dozen seafood restaurants on a popular street for lunch and you really can’t go wrong. This, for certain, is the freshest seafood you’ve ever had, and you spend the majority of your time eating just humming in satisfaction at everything you put in your mouth. And laughing, because while you admit to being dramatic sometimes, your friends overtake you in the eating department.

Because there’s Hoseok clapping after every new dish, there’s Jimin bowing his head down while moaning after every bite, there’s Gyu-rim cursing every five minutes, and then there’s Jungkook jumping in his seat and making the most bizarre hand gestures to express how delicious the food is. 

It was definitely an experience, and you’re glad that Taehyung insisted on doing this. 

You all walk back to the station to look at the other structures and to digest everything you ate. In less than an hour, you’re back in Sapporo and in your hotel room, needing the short break before the long drive to your next destination.

It’s hilarious Japanese reality TV shows and more convenience store snacks for an hour and a half in the living room before you leave late in the afternoon to head to another town. 

You decide to sit in the backseat with Taehyung and Mo-eum this time. If it were with any of the other two guys, there’ll definitely be a lot of smacking and pinching and you can’t afford to be violent during the drive. It’s peaceful enough, as you spend it just talking about random things and before you know it, you arrive at a restaurant for your yakiniku fix for dinner. 

The sun has set and you spend most of the ride with the windows down. The cold doesn’t seem to bother anyone and it’s just quiet - perhaps sentimental, too - until you reach your rented home for the next three days.

The place is stunning and you all thank Taehyung and Seokjin’s parents for covering your lodging because they said it’s been a while since you’ve been complete and you deserve the luxury this place brings. It’s something they often did and you suppose it’s just a rich family thing to do and you’re not one to complain. 

All four bedrooms are on the first floor and like always, the five of you younger ones take the biggest of them, which already has the mattress on the floor anyways that Taehyung calls dibs on. You climb up the stairs to the living and dining rooms and find a huge open space that’s perfect for all of you. It opens to an outdoor area that houses the hot tub and sauna.

You’re glad it’s a detached house. That way, you can laugh and stay up late as much as you want and it won’t bother anyone. You can’t wait to spend your nights here.

It’s just past 8 in the evening and Jimin suggests going for the hot tub and taking turns because not everyone’s gonna fit.

“Well, not everyone’s gonna dip,” Yoongi shrugs, as if you all don’t know he’s one of those people.

But he’s right. Seokjin, Hayoung, and Hoseok join him in being spectators as they sit on the table outside while the rest of you take a spot around the tub and take turns on entering it. 

You feel comfortable in your olive green bathing suit. Despite being out in the open, the heat from the water is enough to balance things out. There’s a spread of alcohol and other snacks that you pick from and like you expected, it’s a lot of laughter and reminiscing and discussing plans of future trips. 

You look at each of your friends, the people who have been with you for over a decade, and you think about all the years in between. You’ve all definitely matured. It’s not just in the wrinkles or the responsible alcohol consumption or the complaints about sore legs after today’s walking spree. 

It’s in the comfort of each other, the fulfilled promises of making time to be together despite the busy schedules and the distance. It’s in indulging what one person wants because doing anything as a group is the priority. It’s in the relief in your eyes knowing that at a time when people tend to lose sight of the important things, you’ve all made it a point not to lose each other. 

That brings you to another thought, something you voice out.

“We are such a good looking group of friends,” you state, almost out of nowhere. 

But really, from the camping trip that had you all looking a bit raggedy to this trip where you’ve been bunched up in thick clothes or with barely anything on, like right now, it’s something that just entered your mind.

“I’m surprised no one else decided to date each other apart from Seokjin and Hayoung,” you continue.

It’s not an uncommon topic amongst you. In fact, it’s one of those things you like teasing each other about, given all the history.

“Yoongi and Gyu-rim will. In 10 years,” Jimin states, and the people in question just shake their heads in response because this isn’t the first time and they’re unfortunately used to this. 

“Mo-eum and I have a pact that if we’re still single at 55, we’ll marry each other,” you announce.

“___, I was drunk when I agreed,” your best friend laughs.

“No taking it back. We pinky promised,” you glare at her.

“Yah! Both of you will surely find someone before then,” Taehyung exclaims.

“Well, it could’ve been you,” Mo-eum tells him.

A round of “oohs” echoes in the room, prompting her to smile sweetly and Taehyung to chuckle and say that’s probably true. 

It’s that kind of history you all like unearthing and resurfacing every once in a while. Come to think of it, it was over five years ago during your trip to Tokyo when your best friend revealed that she actually liked Taehyung during your junior year of college but she never had the guts to say anything, only for him to start liking her right after she got over it. 

The confession shook everyone because no one knew, even you. And knowing how your best friend is, it would’ve been something she was really shy or nervous about if she never told anyone. 

“Hoseok, care to top that?” Jimin teases now as he smirks at Suhyeon, who understandably splashes him with water. 

“No, I don’t,” Hoseok laughs. “Brat.”

“Well, that ship could’ve sailed if someone wasn’t such a coward about it,” Seokjin eyes him. 

Hoseok’s “what-if” with Suhyeon happened in real time, where everyone knew they had feelings for each other except for both of them. Despite all of you urging them to just make a move, one made a small step but the other was too scared to risk things and it didn’t fall through. 

Both of them now have partners outside of your friend group though, and they’re even better friends this time, something that Suhyeon points out.

“When you think about it, it’s really just about timing,” Namjoon reflects. “Whether it’s liking someone at a certain point or believing you’re ready enough to go for it, it’s about the other person being on the same boat - liking you at the same time and being ready when you are.”

“True. I mean, Hayoung and I luckily liked each other at the same time,” Seokjin nods.

“Liar. You had a crush on her the year before she admitted her feelings,” his younger brother calls him out.

“It was harmless!” Seokjin argues. “We went to a farm where the chickens chased her and she started running and yelling like crazy and I thought she looked adorable. It didn’t mean much until she couldn’t hold herself back from saying that she thought I was handsome.”

“It was still a crush,” Taehyung points out. 

“And it materialized a year later! That happens, too. Admiration or affection for someone doesn’t always mean it has to be something more right away,” the older man counters. “Sure, we could’ve dated much earlier if I’d said something but it also could’ve gone nowhere if I went for it right then. Or she could’ve rejected me. I didn’t wanna pressure her or make it feel like she had to return the feeling, which really was just a crush.”

“True,” Hayoung hums. “I probably would’ve thought he was unserious about it or I would’ve kept my distance because I didn’t feel anything then. Like Joon said, it’s about timing. Seokjin held out and thankfully, I got to him in time.”

“She ended up falling more in love with me so… it all worked out well,” Seokjin winks.

Everyone just laughs because you all know the truth - Seokjin is crazy about Hayoung. It’s a given that he’ll be the one bawling his eyes out during their wedding.

Jungkook laughs along as the teasing continues, thankful this time that given his history, people are a bit cautious of asking him about his thoughts when it comes to relationships. 

But his friends’ words linger in his mind, even as the conversation shifts to something new. 

Seokjin and Hayoung’s love story always seemed so simple to him - two friends who always got along well and one day realized they felt something more. Looking at how they are, it’s as if there’s really no one else made for them but each other. 

But of course, it’s never as simple as just confessing their feelings and being lucky that the other person felt the same way. It’s also about knowing what’s worth risking and when to do so. It’s about being ready to deal with the consequences, whether you’re taking a step back, forward, or staying right where you are. 

Like what Seokjin said, it isn’t always about being something more right away. Jungkook thinks that maybe feelings aren't something you just have; it’s something you settle into. 

The hours pass and Jungkook doesn’t notice them flying by. Between the conversations, the premier Japanese liquor and convenience store snacks, and lying on the snow by the edge of the deck then retreating to the hot tub, there’s a lot going on.

But he’s far from tired, and even if the temperature has dropped even lower, he still wants to stay out here and let his body relax.

The others have gone ahead to wash up and get ready for bed but there’s still you, Jimin, and Gyu-rim with him outside, talking about the latter’s non-existent but probable relationship with Yoongi. 

“You’re the most comfortable when you’re together and it’s the same with him,” Jimin points out. “That doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly doesn’t happen with just anyone. I’m just saying that it’s something to think about. Finding someone new isn’t the only option, you know?”

Gyu-rim, who surprisingly hasn’t smacked Jimin yet for all the years he’s been insisting on this, just chuckles in response. 

“I admire your commitment to this ship,” she concedes, knowing it’s better to just go along with the teasing than to react negatively. 

It’s Yoongi anyway and there’s nothing to feel negative about.

“Let’s just say that I have deep love for my friends and I want them to be with people who know how to love them, or would learn how to,” Jimin responds. “I’ll shut up about it after this but I just wanted to give you that nudge. I’ve learned my lesson with the two what-ifs in our group because we just all stood by.”

She argues that sometimes, standing by is the better option but that she’s also at that age where she just wants a companion. Jimin says that he knows that Yoongi does, too. 

Both of them eventually decide to retire for the night and you say you want to stay a little longer since you barely stayed in the tub. It’s just you and Jungkook now and with two people left, you take the chance to stretch your legs and submerge yourself in the hot water that you’ve slowly gotten used to. It even starts snowing and somehow that adds to your relaxation.

“So,” you turn to the man next to you who seems to be in awe of the snowfall as well. “You were quiet during all the relationship talk. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, his head leaned back but facing towards you. “I guess I’m like you when I’m with more mature people. I just listen.”

“And reflect?”

“A bit of that,” he hums, shifting his gaze towards the trees now.

With you in that bathing suit next to him, it’s just another version of you that he suddenly finds pretty.

“About what?” You ask. 

“Settling into feelings, I guess. How we don’t always need to act on them right away because they could be mild or fleeting or confusing or just… something that develops over time and that needs time for it to be right or enough. Or certain.”

You let his words linger. It’s something you definitely can’t relate with.

“Wow. I wish I knew that before my past relationships that failed because of my feelings that I immediately acted on,” you laugh, almost mockingly, at yourself.

“Acting on them isn’t always wrong, though. You shoot your shot when you can and you don’t always have time,” Jungkook tries to comfort you. “You could lose your chance completely.”

“That’s true but then like I said before, I get excited and impatient. Looking back, I guess I never really settled into my feelings for the people I liked because, well, it wasn’t something I thought about.”

“Me, too. It’s just something that got to me while listening to them earlier. Nothing too deep. I guess time and experience make you see and realize things that were always there but never really thought much about,” Jungkook states. “Suddenly they mean a lot more now.”

It’s the closest to being honest he could be with you about the thoughts he’s been having. Somehow this makes him feel better. He’s not lying to you or anything. He’s just settling into these newfound feelings for you. 

Maybe they are fleeting or mild or confusing. Maybe it just needs time to develop into something that could be right and good enough for you, if it ever gets to that point. 

Being with you right now, he’s trying to figure out what it is. It’s still a mix of everything but he’ll be patient this time. One thing is for sure though - he doesn’t want to scare you. If anything, he just wants to keep you close enough for a little while longer. 

As you both lie in your beds later in the night - you next to Mo-eum and him next to Jimin - there’s space in between that perhaps resembles where you both are right now. You’re both lying on your sides and you stick your tongue out at him as good night right before you turn the light off. 

He smiles to himself. It’s a good view from where he is.  

It’s a little chaotic in the morning as all 12 of you take turns in the three bathrooms to get ready. People are washing their faces and brushing their teeth next to and behind each other. The men are dressing up in the hallways and in the living room while the women are behind closed doors. 

And then there’s Hayoung and Suhyeon making sure there are enough water bottles for everyone and Hoseok who’s reminding you all about the proper outerwear and boots for today’s activity. 

Right as you’re dressed, you feel the energy surge through you. You haven’t gone skiing in years and you’re looking forward to trying it again this time. Everyone else seems to feel the same way, especially Jungkook who keeps mumbling that he’s excited and pretty much skipping all around the house.

You put your heavy coats in the trunk and head out for a fairly long drive. You call shotgun because you like getting a wider view of the snowy streets and everyone agrees because it’s you. Jungkook drives like always, insisting that he genuinely enjoys it.

You arrive at a rest stop shortly after, as you all decided to just get snacks from there for breakfast. You divide and conquer - Jungkook orders the food and you join him because you’re curious, while the rest get the drinks. 

Ordering at the ticket machine, you and Jungkook get excited about which snacks to get, even if you were confused about which buttons to press and when to pay. But you manage and buy a few flavors of the fried rice balls and croquettes then head back to the car. You start eating before Mo-eum and Taehyung return with the rest of the drinks and by the time Jungkook restarts the engine, he’s already devoured two of them.

He keeps both hands on the wheel and his eyes focused on the road while the rest of you munch on the food, humming in satisfaction and singing your praises. 

You see his gaze constantly flit to the rice cake you’re eating. You think he’s probably itching to have one right now but he doesn’t want to risk putting you all in danger so you take out a piece for him to eat. Knowing he’s wary of the drive, you feed him and cup your hand under his mouth in case a piece falls. 

“Hmm, that’s so good,” he moans, angling his head to the side for another bite.

You chuckle as he tries to get as much of it in his mouth so you appease him and say you’ll feed him so he can still eat them while they’re hot. He beams at you so endearingly and with his blue beanie and loose jacket on, he looks like a kid with his bunny smile and innocent doe-eyes. 

It’s a complete shift from last night where he was half naked in the tub, toned abs and tattooed arm on full display. Like boys do, he, Jimin, Taehyung, and even Namjoon were all showing off their biceps and posing ridiculously like bodybuilders, triggering a pose-off and tummy ache-inducing laughter from the rest of you. 

You can’t say it’s something that surprised you. Jungkook’s always been an athlete. You watched some of his swimming competitions when you were in college. You’ve also had dozens of beach trips. Toned bodies like what your friends have are normal to you and you’re often unbothered. They’re used to walking around without a shirt on and they have never felt shy around you; none of you girls ever felt bothered by it, either. 

But you’re still a woman with fully functioning eyes and can appreciate a pretty physique when you see one. Jungkook just happens to possess it and being in close proximity to him reminded you of that. It’s just a funny thing to remember seeing how he is now. There’s just something so charming about him that makes you smile.

You continue feeding yourself and him throughout the drive, with him losing it with the cheese croquette, his favorite one out of everything. You bring up his iced americano to his lips, too. It’s your way of thanking him, you tell yourself, as he’s been taking on the long drives like always. 

You finally make it to the ski resort and Jungkook skips all the way to the lobby. You all rent your accessories and equipment then head to the gondola all the way to the top. Despite the powdery snow, there’s still so much of it that it’s a struggle to even walk.

The view is stunning and the weather is cold and bright yet you already know you’re gonna suffer. But it’s the good kind. You’ll just brace through all the falls and face plants you’ll make but you’ll at least have fun.

It’s a group decision to snowboard first. As expected, there’s the group that can do it, and another that can definitely do better. The Kim brothers grew up doing this so their skills are not a surprise. Hayoung has done it a few times since dating Seokjin so she’s not bad at all. Namjoon is surprisingly good with his balance, Mo-eum is just good at anything sporty, and Jungkook obviously quickly relearned the ropes even though it's been years since the last time he’d done it.    

And then there’s Yoongi who settles with little hops down the mountain and Gyu-rim just laughing along as they semi slide all the way. There’s Suhyeon content with cheering you on despite constantly landing on her butt, Jimin who falls after every turn, and then you who falls right behind him. 

You’re just as tired at laughing at your mishaps than you are with all the face planting and swimming through snow you’ve both been doing. But you always end up turning on your back and marveling at your surroundings and the feel of the snow under you. At one point, you and Jimin almost give up.

You do manage two rounds down the slope while the others end up with a few more. You all rest at the cafe for a bit at Yoongi’s request and watch the few clips some of you managed to get of each other going down the mountain. 

Skiing is a lot more doable. It’s something you’ve done more than once so it’s not hard to relearn it. But with now-sore legs and overworked muscles from all the laughing and tensing up, it’s still definitely a lot more than you can handle. But you push through because it’s seriously a lot of fun. 

The snow is falling hard by the time you finish. Your hands feel frozen and your nose feels numb. Your legs and knees are definitely sore, and you feel the pain once you start going down the stairs. 

Hayoung, who overdid herself a little, climbs on Seokjin’s back. You whine because you’re in pain, too, but you don’t want to trouble any of your friends who might be just as tired.

Taehyung stands next to you and chuckles at your pouty face and your eyes that are focused on your cousin and his brother.

“Do you want a piggyback ride, too?” he asks.

You nod and give him your puppy eyes, waiting for him to offer you one.

“Okay. Kook!” he yells out behind him. “Our princess needs a ride.”

Jungkook looks at him questioningly then you. “What?”

Taehyung eyes the couple not far ahead and Jungkook takes the hint.

“Ah,” he says, looking at your tired form. “Your legs hurt?”

“I can’t feel them anymore,” you wail.

You’re so dramatic that it makes Jungkook chuckle, prompting you to weakly smack his arm. But he gives in this time, seeing how helpless you look.

“Fine. Jump,” he tells you, bending low to help you get on his back then gripping your thighs to keep you steady.

It’s not a long walk back to the car but it isn’t an easy one, so you constantly apologize in between your grumbles of being in pain. 

“I’ll pay for your drink at the whiskey museum tomorrow,” you promise him. 

“Tempting but you don’t have to,” he says. “It’s fine. Being your carriage is totally a normal thing.”

“Hey,” you cry out. “Please? I’ll treat you something.”

“Or you can just say thank you. Really, ___. You don’t have to pay me back for every good thing I do for you.” He slowly puts you down and turns to face you. “Just… stretch and relax. The hot tub will help so get on it later. And maybe don’t snore too loud tonight.”

You laugh at the last part because of course he’ll sneak that in even if it’s unrelated, but you agree.

Sitting at the back this time, you lean your head on Taehyung’s shoulder as you slowly doze off. He opens the window to let the cold air in to wake you up a little but you still fall asleep shortly after.

Jungkook glances at you from the rearview mirror. His heart did a thing again earlier when you had your arms around his neck, and then again when you sweetly smiled at him and said thank you before you entered the car. 

It’s a little different this time though as it feels more like floating. Looking at you peacefully napping, it continues to do just that.

The famous soup curry is famous for a reason. It’s rich despite the thin broth and the meat is soft and tender. It’s exactly what you need after this morning’s adventure and paired with the draft beer, it’s every bit satisfying. 

You gain a bit more energy after lunch, which you quickly expend during the car ride. Taehyung is the designated driver this time. Jungkook couldn’t resist the beer earlier, so you sit between him and Jimin and they alternate between teasing you mercilessly and cooing at you. 

You play the injured card, quickly clarifying that it’s your ego that's bruised after face planting so many times. Mo-eum from the front says everyone was laughing at Jimin and Yoongi more than they were laughing at you. They expected you’d fall but that the other two looked like adorable baby pandas who couldn’t get their shit together in the snow.

It’s mid-afternoon by the time you get home, which is where you’ll be staying for the rest of the day. Everyone picks their spot in the common room and you take your place on the large couch next to Hayoung. The Switch is turned on and a battle begins but you can barely keep up as not long after, you doze off.

Jungkook manages to win one game of Mario Kart before he heads out with Yoongi to buy what they’ll need for tonight’s dinner. It’s an hour later when they return and when they do, you’re still lying down on the same spot, softly snoring and getting some needed rest. He brings out the muscle spray he bought at the pharmacy and Jimin is the first one to take it. It’s passed around and when it’s returned to him, he briefly looks at you to check if you’re already awake.

You aren’t, even with the shrieking going on because of everyone’s epic fails on Fall Guys.  You have your hands together tucked under your cheek and your head laying on a pillow on Hayoung’s lap. There’s this urge to tease you about still being so tired but also to move your hair out of your face and caress your cheek.

He’s a little alarmed when you start opening your eyes, paranoid that he might’ve said something while fondly looking at you or if telepathy is actually real and you’d read what was going through his mind. But you mumble something instead and shift your body for a more comfortable position. He kneels down next to you and asks what you were saying.

“Did you beat Hoseok?” You mutter.

“Yeah, earlier,” he replies. “But I haven’t played since. Yoongi and I bought stuff at the supermarket. I got muscle spray for soreness, too.”

That piques your interest, as you open your eyes wider and ask where it is. 

“Jimin’s hogging it. Let me get it from him.”

He gets back to you with the bottle and you lift your pajama pants to expose your legs. Your puppy eyes tell him that you want him to do it for you. He chuckles but gets to it right away, gripping your foot and spraying the liquid on your limbs. You linger, and Jungkook instinctively sits down and lays your legs on his lap, gently massaging them. 

You moan in satisfaction and urge him to continue, earning you another chuckle. He works on your joints and your calves, knowing they just need to relax and that you’ll feel better soon enough. You’re lying on your back this time, but then Hayoung says she’ll go to the bathroom so you sit up and watch Jungkook work on your legs. 

“You would’ve been a good therapist if you chose that path instead of teaching,” you tell him.

“My dad said the same thing. I used to massage him after a long day of laboring when I was younger,” he laughs. “Glad I haven’t lost my touch.”

“You’re good. I approve.”

Your face contorts in pain when he kneads the tender parts and you try to move his hand towards a different area.

“But that’s where it hurts,” he insists. “I’ll go gentle, I promise.”

You let him, but your hand remains gingerly on top of his just in case. He keeps his word and goes easy on you. 

“Get in the hot tub later, yeah? That’ll help,” he advises.

You nod and instead of lying back down, you lean on his shoulder while he continues massaging you. You think you can fall back asleep with how this feels.

But then Gyu-rim suggests watching a horror movie because the last time you did that in the forest was so memorable that she wants to laugh at the scaredy-cats again. 

So Taehyung puts some Japanese thriller he finds on the shelf and dims the lights, resulting in 90 minutes of shrieks, curses, the occasional “I give up” from Hoseok, and the timely laughter from the horror enthusiasts. It’s quite the experience but it’s the perfect build up to dinner.

Yoongi lays out a spread of sushi and various salads for your appetizer while baking slabs of premium beef in the oven. Jungkook makes a Japanese pork offal and vegetable soup dish that sounds so perfect for tonight. Everyone else is busy drinking and eating while he’s glued next to the pot so you go to him.

He turns to you and eyes the plate of sushi you’re holding.

“Is it good?” He asks.

“So good. So fresh,” you hum. “Here, have some before they finish it all.”

You feed him some, an act that’s somehow become reflexive for you these past days, and he nods in approval. You get a few more pieces and alternate between feeding yourself and him.

The aroma of the broth wafts through your senses and you can’t wait to dip your rice in a bowl of all that goodness.

“Is it done yet?” you peek inside the pot.

“You wouldn’t know even if you tried,” he teases,

“Oh shush,” you nudge him. 

He laughs but he takes out a spoon, fills it with broth, then blows on it before feeding you. 

“Yup, my chef palette says that’s good.”

To his surprise, it is, and you make a claim that you’ve gotten better at this. 

It’s at the same time when Yoongi says that the meat is ready so you all gather at the dining table and have dinner. You finish with matcha tiramisu and cheesecake for dessert.

You start cleaning up with Namjoon and Taehyung while the rest of your friends either move back to the living room or head to the hot tub. You can hear them laughing and playing around outside, no doubt lying on the snow again or doing something silly, but you focus on your task then get dressed before heading out the deck.

You sit with Jimin and Suhyeon while the others take a rest. Just like last night, you alternate again so everyone gets a chance to take a dip. You end up staying a little longer, hoping the hot water will relax your muscles and get you feeling better for your last full day tomorrow. 

One-by-one, your friends leave the tub to wash up, as the temperature continues to drop. You’re left with Jungkook once again and he sits next to you, both of your heads rolled back, and the sounds of the wind and bubbling water filling the space.

“Feel better?” He asks.

“Yup. I wanna stay here longer but I don’t wanna stay up too late and I still wanna drink,” you say, somehow feeling like the day is too short for you to do everything you want, even if you’ve done so much already.

“We can stay for a couple more minutes. Being here for too long isn’t good, anyway.”

“Fine,” you agree. “But today was a good one. Thanks for my massage.”

“What have I not done for you at this point?” He laughs. 

“I’m a spoiled brat, aren’t I?” You call yourself out. 

“A little bit,” he playfully shakes his head. 

“Well, thanks for putting up with me,” you mumble, and he assures you that it’s not as bad as you make it sound.

Namjoon, Yoongi, and Gyu-rim go out to drink at the picnic table on the other end of the deck and they raise their glasses to you in acknowledgement, warning you of Jimin possibly finishing off the sake if you don’t stop him.

You say you’ll wash up soon but remain on your spot, occasionally stretching your legs, until you return your focus to Jungkook and shift to face him. 

With his whole lower body submerged in the water and only his neck and his damp hair on the surface, he doesn’t look as intimidating so you start playing around with his hair and attempt to tie a ponytail at the top, resembling a sprout. He grumbles under his breath but he doesn’t say a word. He just closes his eyes and lets you do what you want.

For Jungkook, an attempt to stop you would be futile. That would entail fighting you off and getting a little too close in such a small space, which again would be deemed normal if it wasn’t for his growing fondness for you. He tries to just watch what you’re doing but given your proximity, he thinks that closing his eyes would be better for his stupid heart.

“Ooh, you’re letting me tie your hair,” you point out. “That’s new.”

“I’d have to pry you away for you to stop and I don’t want you falling out of this tub or something,” he reasons.

“Hmm, you have a point.”

You giggle when you finish, and it’s at the same time that Taehyung appears behind the glass door and waves. He spots Jungkook’s sprout and starts laughing, too. Opening the door, he coos at his friend and pulls up his phone to take a photo.

You immediately scoot closer to Jungkook and pose multiple times before your friend gives a thumbs up sign and walks back inside the house. You can see the rest of them still in the dining room, looking like they’re playing card games and downing the remaining bottles of alcohol you’ve all been buying since you arrived.

Jungkook stands up from the tub and turns to the door to see what he looks like through his reflection. He frowns at you in response.

“Okay, sprout off,” you say once he sits on the ledge. “It doesn’t fit the muscle bunny Jungkook vibe.”

“What?”

“Your hair has to match your body. It looked fine when you were submerged in the water,” you reason, pulling the hair tie off him. “Now with these muscles and these abs and this tattoo sleeve, it’s a mismatch.”

“How is it that you analyze even these things?” He questions.

“It’s my brain. It just does.”

He descends back down once the cold air becomes too much and you’re just there, so close yet so far like many times before. There’s that urge to get even closer and just examine your face, now that he’s looking at you in a new light. 

Settling in the feeling, he reasons to himself. Figuring out if it’s fleeting or something more. 

He repeats the words in his head as he watches you flounder in the tub. You move to the end near the railing and the snow lightly falls on your head. It almost feels romantic, as you sit there with a soft look on your face and a sweet smile as you let the snow touch your skin. 

But with you, unpredictability is a thing. Before he knows it, you’re scooting back close to him. You lift his right arm from under the water and start pointing out the tattoos that you think are new.

“I just had them colored. Some were redone,” he explains.

“Ahh,” you reply, wiping off the droplets on some areas so you can see them better, unknowing of the shivers you’re causing. “So do you just wear a jacket every time you’re at the school?”

“Pretty much,” he hums. “When it’s hot, I wear a shirt and then an arm sleeve to cover it up. Thankfully they weren’t too strict about it, although I was almost not accepted because of it. I just made up some story that I was trying to be cool in college so I got them but I straightened myself out and wanted a fresh start so I became a teacher.”

“Wow what a liar,” you respond. “You were getting new ones even after you got the job.”

“I know. But they don’t know that,” he laughs.

“I think it looks cool on you.”

“You called it a muscle bunny vibe,” he deadpans.

“It’s because you have an adorable bunny face but your body’s ripped. Bunnies are fluffy, chunky babies. They have puffy cheeks. They don’t have abs.”

“They could. If they exercised.”

His comment sounds ridiculous and it makes you laugh, as an image of a bunny doing crunches flashes in your mind. You think he imagines that, too, as he laughs right after. It’s a silly thing but it’s one of many things that you talk to Jungkook about. One evening you’re reflecting about feelings and relationships and the next, you’re picturing bunnies exercising. 

“Yah, you two,” Yoongi’s voice cuts through your muffled laughter. “It’s getting too cold. You might get sick. Wash up soon.”

“We will already, uncle,” you grin at him. 

You stand up and slowly make your way to the steps but Namjoon tells you to stop so Jungkook can help you down and avoid a probable accident. So he does, walking ahead of you then down the stairs before you take his hand and follow him. 

Your room is still empty when you get your clothes. When you return after your bath, Mo-eum and Taehyung are on your bed, watching something on the laptop. Clearly yesterday’s conversation about their history didn’t change anything between them, as they’re as comfortable next to each other as they’ve always been. 

There are still a few people at the dining table when you go there for a few drinks. You get the sake before Jimin finishes the bottle and you drink it and then some. 

One-by-one, they start to retire for the night. You have a glass of beer that you want to keep drinking whereas Jungkook lost to rock-paper-scissors so he’s finishing the cup of mixed alcohol as penalty, so you both stay behind.

You tell him that he can throw it down the drain and you can keep it a secret but he honors the rock-paper-scissors code, he insists, so he’ll finish it off.

Keeping each other company has become a pattern for both of you recently, but you suppose it’s just the timing of everything. He moved into an apartment his cousin owns that’s closer to his school last year; it also happens to be 15 minutes away from you. 

Both of you aren’t in relationships so it’s easier to hang out. Plus, you committed yourself to maintaining a work-life balance after you suffered burnout some months ago, and that’s meant switching off during the weekends and being a lot… calmer, you think. Probably less erratic and maybe more bearable.

All of those circumstances just happened to take place around the time Taehyung came home and commenced his role of being the trip planner. Before then, you and Jungkook were either in a relationship or neck-deep into your job or both. 

You were definitely a different person back then and you suppose he was, too. Now, you get to spend time together and just enjoy each other’s presence, something you always have but something you get to experience differently this time. 

And it’s a good feeling, something that you don’t express out loud. Not that you think he’ll judge you or anything but only because somehow, you think he’s thinking the same thing. 

You do your final cheers then clean up before brushing your teeth and heading to your room, ready to finally rest.

Except when you get there, you find Jimin sprawled on the mattress on the floor this time with the phone on his face, no doubt having fallen asleep while playing his games. Mo-eum and Taehyung are fetus-curled on either side of your bed, softly snoring. 

That leaves one bed for you and Jungkook, and the realization that this has never happened before hits you. Not that it’s uncomfortable; it’s just that you’ve always been closer to the other guys and he’s always been closer to Mo-eum. Still, you don’t mind but he seems like he does.

“I can sleep on the couch,” he mumbles.

“It’s soft but not as soft as this bed. We can just stay here. You need proper sleep and this is big enough for both of us,” you insist. “Is that okay with you? I mean, I’ve slept next to the guys before.”

“Yeah, and you’ve either elbowed or kicked each one of them. More than once,” he reminds you.

“Is that why you don’t want to sleep here?” You ask worriedly.

He hates it but Jungkook half-lies.

“Yup.”

You think about it for a second but still insist. He’s already slept on the couch in the other hotel and you don’t want him to do that again.

“Nah, you’re strong. You can handle me,” you wink.

“Fine,” he grumbles, mockingly laughing at himself for giving in so easily once again.

“Don’t worry, there’ll be a pillow between us,” you assure him.

“Yeah, whatever. By the way, they left the blinds open. You don’t like the light, right?”

“Hmm, I usually don’t and I know you don’t, too, but uh… Can we leave it up? I wanna fall asleep and wake up to that sight,” you say, gesturing towards the snow-covered branches of the trees right outside the window.

“Sure.”

Jungkook climbs in bed next to you with the pillow in the middle, even if he knows you’ll hog that, too, because apparently, you like hugging something when you sleep. 

You’re on your side with your eyes glued to the window and he lays on his side as well, facing you.

“I’ve been so enchanted by this city and how the snow covers everything,” you whisper, no doubt being sentimental at this time. “I just want to ingrain the image of this place in my mind as much as I can. Jimin got me so fascinated with snow. I used to not care much about it.”

“I’ll get you a snowglobe in one of the shops tomorrow then,” he smiles. “That might help.”

“It will,” you groggily smile back. “You’re so sweet, Kook. I’m glad we–”

And just like that, you’ve fallen asleep.

It’s fitting how the night ends, he thinks. There’s a short distance separating both of you but so many years and memories in between. You’ve always been there just as the snow has always been around, yet it takes something, or someone - perhaps a moment - to make him look at things in a different light.

Has it always been like this? Have you always been like that? What was it these past months that made the difference? 

He’s unsure but he doesn’t want to overthink. Just like you, he wants to ingrain this in his mind as much as he can. He’ll deal with whatever comes after when it comes.

The first sliver of light cuts through your eyelids and you curl yourself closer to the pillow to hide your face. It works only a little, and you mentally curse yourself for leaving the blinds up. No one else seems bothered because no one’s put them down yet. It would’ve been Jungkook but you suppose he’s too exhausted.

You turn to your side and find his tattooed arm over his eyes and you kind of feel bad. So you get up and walk towards the window, marvel at the trees for a few seconds, then pull down the blinds. You return to bed and go back to sleep, knowing you’ll see it again later on. And tomorrow, too, for the last time.

You wake up two hours later to Jungkook saying that the guys have made breakfast. You stretch your legs and ask him if he can put on the muscle spray again even if you’re feeling a little better. He does, and you smile when he briefly massages your calves before he pulls you up from the bed.

Everyone else has gone up so you head to the dining table and find a spread of scrambled eggs, bacon and sausages, toast, and pastries. Hayoung and Gyu-rim apparently watched a cooking show this morning and immediately craved a Western breakfast, so Yoongi and Seokjin went to the supermarket to grab ingredients and cooked them. 

It smells amazing, and you hum in delight at how good it is. It feels so foreign yet it tastes like comfort. 

There’s no rush in spending your last full day. You drive to explore a quaint town then hang out at a cafe to play with cats and drink coffee. You go to a whiskey museum and laugh at Jungkook and Jimin doing some role play by the bar. 

You try some samplers and end up getting Jungkook one of the bottles he chose not to get because he’s used up all his alcohol budget for this trip. You give it as a surprise while walking back to the car.

“___, I told you you didn’t need to get me anymore,” he groans.

“Yeah but.. You carried me, you've been massaging me… And you’re gonna drive me home tomorrow,” you say.

“So what, should I expect you to get me something every time I do something for you?”

“Uh… no.”

“Exactly, so there’s no need to.”

“Too bad, it’s already paid for,” you shrug. “Plus, you looked so sad when you had to give it up. You were pouting your lips and pep talking yourself into accepting that you weren’t gonna get it.”

“I’m also an adult who’ll get over it,” he points out.

“Well, just think of it as a birthday or Christmas gift or something.”

“You’ve never gotten me either of those,” he deadpans.

“Exactly! So here,” you chirp, placing the bottle in his hand. “Belated happy birthday and advanced Merry Christmas.”

He laughs at your persistence but accepts that this is how you are. Again, it’s the tenderness of your personality that he’s been experiencing these past few weeks that builds on the fondness, that makes him enjoy being around you.

“Fine. Thank you,” he finally smiles and accepts. 

Not long after, you go to a street lined with local shops. That’s where Jungkook finds you a snowglobe of this town. He gets you another one of a tree with a deer next to it. He’s also never gotten you a gift so he says it’s for all the years that he missed out on. 

Later in the night, after having dinner at a hotpot place and spending the rest of it reminiscing about the trip over tea and milk, you lay on your side next to Mo-eum, as you’ve returned to your original sleeping arrangements. You place both snowglobes on the night table next to you, as if in replacement of the view from your window. 

“Careful, you might hit and break them,” Jungkook warns from not far away.

“I think my body can only recognize body parts when it’s hitting something,” you laugh. “But don’t worry, they’ll be safe.”

“They better. They’re your reminder of this place.”

“Well, years from now when I still feel my sore joints, I’ll be reminded of Sapporo,” you laugh. 

Jungkook laughs, too, and thinks that while you’ll have those as a reminder, he has this other than the bottle of whiskey you got him - this view of you smiling at him as you fall asleep.

Even if you remain as friends, years from now he’ll think of this trip and how you made it enchanting for him with the moments, the silence, and all your unspoken words.

You leave Sapporo the next afternoon.

It’s quite a drive to the airport and you savor the scenery as you pass the snow-covered mountains and frozen lakes for the last time. 

You sit next to Jungkook again on the flight home, with your head leaned on his shoulder while you both look at the photos in the shared photo album. He drops you off at your apartment after you all have dinner at a restaurant and the entire drive had you laughing and teasing each other, same as how you spent the entire trip.

He helps you unload your luggage and walks it up to the entrance to your apartment building.

The snow starts falling at this time and you ruffle Jungkook’s hair and call him out for not wearing his beanie.

“I’ll live,” he laughs.

You just smile in response, thankful that you spent the past week making new memories with this man you feel you don’t have enough of. It’s weird how a trip can do that - make you experience someone you’ve known for a decade as if for the first time. 

But you suppose life is like that. We focus on certain things at certain points of our lives depending on who and where we are at that time. We rediscover people and feelings and friendships and maybe that’s what living means. Those that remain are the ones that matter.

“Enjoy the holidays, okay? And have a safe trip home tomorrow,” he says.

You’re riding with Hayoung to Gwangju in the morning and Jungkook’s driving to Busan with Jimin in the afternoon. 

“And don’t hurt yourself. Your legs are still a bit sore,” he reminds you.

“I’ll be alright,” you say confidently. 

He chuckles and heads back to his car. You wave him goodbye for the last time then head to your apartment.

Five minutes later, you text him.

[To: bunny kook] I stubbed my toe on the couch 🙁

He laughs out loud and decides to call you. You don’t need him to come back, you say, but you wail that you miss him already.

He knows what you mean but it doesn’t stop his heart from doing that thing again. He ends up talking to you on the phone throughout his drive and while you’re both unpacking and then packing again for your respective trips. 

You hang up first and Jungkook already dreads what these next few weeks of being away from you would mean.

Settling into the feeling could mean accepting that proximity is the biggest factor and that being physically apart is what’ll make him get back to how things used to be. He could also be convinced it wasn’t much anyway. 

It could mean settling into the idea that both of you have changed over the years and have truly committed to just being better friends for each other. 

Or it could mean that there really is something more, and he’s gonna have to figure out how to live with that, whether or not you feel the same way.

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[oc-ology]

How to get past the fear of OC posting

People should create for the sake of creating but people post to engage with the community. However, posting can be intimidating and anxiety-inducing for a lot of people. It’s easy to say “do it scared” but much harder to put into practice. So, I’ve put together a few steps that lead up to doing it scared. These won’t work for everyone and this is meant more as general advice.

Step One: Why are you scared?

The first step is to figure out what about posting is scary for you. Oftentimes, it’s not as simple as “what if my post flops” or “what if people think I’m cringe”. Once you’ve figured out the surface-level reason, dig a little deeper. If your post flops, does that lead to you doubting the worth of what you’re creating? If you’re worried about what people think, is that because you’ve experienced judgement before or are worried your inbox will be flooded with criticism?

Identifying why you’re scared will not only help you understand yourself better (yippee!) but you can also then work on the source of your fears and anxieties at your own pace.

Step Two: Find ways to lessen your fears

One way of working through anxiety online is to find ways to mitigate the specific source of your fear.

Some fears have easier solutions than others. If you’re worried about people criticising your work, you can turn off anonymous asks (as most people are less likely to be haters when there’s a name attached to it) or turn asks off entirely, as well as limiting replies to those who have been following for a week. This way, if someone does want to be an unpleasant individual, it’s a little harder for them to do so.

A lack of engagement is a little harder to remedy. Here, the only real solution is to try and divorce the idea that engagement = worth. Remember why you’re creating an OC. Because it’s fun! It’s an act of creation! Because you want to find a community…? A community or OC friends will never just drop into your lap. You need to seek them out yourself. Look into discord servers, forums, tumblr networks (are they still a thing?), fandom events and exchanges, and most importantly: go out of your way to send asks/questions to others and build friendships with them! If you’ve got social anxiety like me, this is going to be a big challenge. Which leads to the next step…

Step Three: Start small

It doesn’t matter how small your first step is - so long as that step is forwards! If you’re nervous about OC posting, find the smallest thing about them and post it with the expectation of getting no notes. That’s right, I want you to go in and expect it to flop. Anything over one note is an automatic win. This first post isn’t about engagement - it’s about getting over the initial fear of posting. 

It can be tempting to just go right out the gate with elaborate explanations of backstory, lore implications, power levels, everything. But the trick really is to start small. Most people scrolling tumblr aren’t going to read a few thousand words on something they’re not invested in yet. TL;DR is a curse that I’m sure we’ve all fallen victim to. 

Instead, break up information about your OC into small pieces that can be posted one by one and have some kind of visual piece with it. People are usually more drawn to images than text. For example, which of these two things are more visually interesting?

What Perseus keeps in his bag:

Amulet

Tinderbox

A broken blade

50ft of hempen rope

25gp of silver powder

Waterskin

Rations (cheese, bread, sausage)

OR

Obviously this comes down to personal preference but a lot of people would find the illustrated version to be more interesting. You don’t need to be an artist to do this either! You could make a version of that example in photoshop or a similar program. Picrews, moodboards, edits, game screenshots and photography can all be used to add a visual element to your posts.

Step Four: Why am I still scared?

Fear is not easily stamped out. Anxiety is definitely the kind of thing that lingers. These steps aren’t meant to immediately make OC posting not-scary. That’s something that will only come with time as you get used to it. Again: Do it. Do it scared. Gradually, it’ll be less terrifying and in the meantime, you might be able to make a few friends who also want to talk about your blorbo.

[s-4pphics]

soul ties. part I (e.w.)

SYNOPSIS: a product of brokenness. WORD COUNT: 13.4K WARNINGS: ellie’s a painter/art dealer, heavy angst[oc is suicidal and has dissociative episodes + abusive parents/SEXUAL ABUSE(nothing explicitly written but aluded to) + patriarchy/men being predatory/traditionalist households + mentions of cheating + alcoholism + disordered eating/self-harm(cuticle picking) + thoughts of murder + mommy issues/daddy issues + parental grief + homophobia + more patriarchy but with dykes + unhealthy relationships with sex(coping) + brief mention of masturbation + sexual tension + making out + fondling + slapping + DUBCON + just matching freaks to avoid trauma], miscommunication, just 2 socially inept crash outs lol  A/N: hellloo lol. fixed plot bc im venting… s been a very rough few months. i was convinced i lost my very acute skill so uhhh consider this a test. uhh what else… idk when i’ll be back bc im now a piano player #NEWFOUNDESCAPISM LOL.  suggestion: this technically could b read alone but if u care ab context read this first. then this. that is all LOL byeee :p hi taggies we back: @dyk3ang3l @acidblum @mellifluousgirll @elliesatchel @callmewhenyoukan @natgf123 @elliesstella @spaceforescape @floridaopal @lonelyfooryouonly @ellies-converse @amiorca @darkerstarsstuff

fuck the bitch that made this game.  dont buy his shit.

aid links from my inbox: one, two, three, four

What to do, what to do… 

Ellie is a wreck. An agitated, craving, mess. 

What to do… Love your wife, fuck the daylights out of your wife, kill your wife before she kills you… What to do… 

It can’t be that hard to hide a body. Is it still murder if it’s self-defense? Ellie’s sure the next bath you run for her will either be filled with bleach or result in her being forced underwater until she’s lifeless. There are lots of people willing to get their hands dirty for her if that’s the case. Not a trace of you or her would be left and she’d finally be able to escape with only the clothes on her back. The weightlessness in her pockets wouldn’t move her in any way. Nothing compares to freedom. What a suffocating life she lives. 

The guest room mattress becomes less and less plush every time she lays in it. The sheets are itchier and cold and she’s stuck pondering with each swirl of the ceiling fan, wet hair wrapped in a bath towel; restless, fidgety, and honey-like ache in the pit of her stomach, mind warped with lecherous thoughts of her wife that she despises but not as much, her supposed life partner and fuck, how did you two get here…

Stuck with a tension so thick it permeates your home; if you’d even call it that. You’re both successfully trapped between your own walls; Elegant windows take the place of rusted, metal bars that confine you from the life you both dreamed of before all this; one soft and doting and colorful, one where your light isn’t dulled. 

Why does she feel so guilty, suddenly? You’re not lovers, and neither in love, so why does her chest ache with every glance she steals when you’re unassuming? The pain that’s always etched on your face, and if not, in your eyes — fills her with regret. She would abandon you for days — weeks at a time, not at all concerned about what you might be experiencing to rid herself of shame. And to think that you were merely a younger version of your mother; villainous and cruel and greedy when… when you’ve barely spoken. She finds herself, unfortunately, reminiscing on how bushy-tailed you were after marriage. So eager to please and prick her mind and annoyingly mechanical. You cooked at the same time everyday. Cleaned, did both your laundry, sunbathed, swam in your pool. She hated how rehearsed your lifestyle was; it reminds her of the worst parts of her childhood. When her mother was alive. So, Ellie chose to step out on you the second you took her last name; ravaged other women, released her anger and desires on strangers when she should’ve had you beneath, above, on your knees for her. Where has that craving to harm you gone? For months, she’s ached for your suffering to mirror hers, but now… What’s happening to her? What’s happened to you? 

Ellie believes you’ve lost it, and somehow she’s found herself chasing that unforeseen part of you; unfiltered and angry and wild. This manufactured doll your mother molded you into is shattering at the core and Ellie craves to see more of you. Guilty. As hurt as you were, that night was the most alive she’s seen you be. You shouted and cried and tore at the seams, desperate for someone to hear you, and Ellie did. Loud and clear. She saw you for what you are. Mangled from the inside out, entirely hopeless. Just like she is. An unspeakable link that binds the two of you.

Soul ties. 

She shook and pleaded for you to enter the bathroom and see her battered against the shower wall with a hand between her legs and your name dripping from her lips, but the knob never twisted. Her orgasms were unsatisfactory, and she accepted with irritation that it was because you weren’t there. She ignored the throbbing between her legs and vacated the bathroom. Ellie, with legs that trembled, found you wrapped in satin and snoring. They sounded like whistles. 

She stood for a while, just watching you twitch and wiggle in your rest, eyes glazing to the space beside you that could easily fit another body. The sheets are already warm from where you lay. The two of you have never slept in the same room, let alone bed. 

Her feet carried her out. Silently left the room with an unfamiliar ache in her chest. 

Her mind made an enemy out of you because that’s what you are. When she thought her life couldn’t get any worse, you appeared and destroyed everything in her path. Left her world in ruins. Disrupted her pattern. You’re an enemy and deserve to hurt. 

Aren’t you? Don’t you? 

Everything is unclear. Ellie hasn’t been this conflicted since she was 15. She wishes she could sleep forever so she wouldn’t be forced to think. 

If she had any sense left, she would paint her agony away. In the past, her mind would shut down with every splash of color on a canvas to compensate for the darkness that conjured in her mind. She refrains from that now, though. She’s horny; scared she’ll start imagining what your pussy looks like and sketch it all over the bedroom walls. That’d be too much; a boundary that will remain untouched.

But her brain knows she’s not a good person; she can’t help but imagine how gorgeous your pussy is because you are and she’s known that since the beginning, the second she saw you drenched in white. Drenched in sorrow. 

She clutches your wedding band in her palm. 

What to do… what to do… 

Birds are artists. 

They never fail to sing every morning; sonnets aimed to awaken life as sun rays spill from behind mountains. You've always appreciated their tunes whenever you were pulled from a hollow rest, no longer surrounded by darkness. 

Maybe it was the routine your mother set for you from young. You were 9 when she first coddled your drowsiness as she shook you awake at five in the morning; the early bird catches the worm, a saying you naively assumed as preparation for the day, for your homeschooling. An energy booster, possibly. Motivation. Something to get you through. 

How stupid could a child be? 

You were 12 when your cycle started. You were 12 when you realized that your mother never envisioned actual birds and worms like you had. Your mother has games she plays and she cheats. She’s had you on a leash for the past decade; the scars around your neck are forever a reminder of the hell you’ve endured under her hand. It took no effort on her part to be uncaring of your suffering, and somehow that aches more than anything else. 

Even more than the existence of him. A demon walking.

Animals aren’t like your family. Birds aren’t. The minute specks of sunlight begin, their job starts, and they complete it happily without compensation or praise or the slightest acknowledgment. Everyone wakes, and they fly to anywhere to wake the next. 

But wealth is dirty. Wealth makes people dirty. They swindler and lie and experience life with a vacancy that’ll never be filled with anything but greed. Your mother trained you for years to accept whatever was given as long as you were taken care of. Play your part, she’d say. It took you years to learn her strategy — and unlearn yourself — but you’re here. Married. Successful by association. Rich. Unhappy. Unloved. 

Birds guided you. They never shy from their duty, and you hadn’t either… 

But you’re human. You crack and cry and scream and you hate. You despise so strongly that you lash out and everything in your path becomes victimized. Sometimes it gets to a point where you crave blood. You want to drown in it, drink it until you’re sick. Your soul is dead. Everyones’ should die with yours. 

You don’t know who should go first. Your mother, your stepfather, or your wife. 

You want to swallow Ellie whole—

“Good morning.” 

You’ve never seen Ellie not dolled up. She clearly just awakened with her wrinkled MILFS ONLY shirt and sporadic hair. Timidity doesn’t suit Ellie. You're so used to seeing her exasperated. Her weary eyes don’t meet yours. You should tell her your plans to adopt a hummingbird. Or maybe you shouldn’t. She might laugh at you.

“Hello.” 

“… Hi.” She seems like she wants to say something. You sip your coffee. 

“My dad called.” 

You hum around the rim of your mug. “Woke you up?” 

She merely shrugs. “I uh… did anyone tell you about tomorrow?” 

“Of course not.” 

You don’t expect Ellie to flinch at your tone. You weren’t that sharp, were you?

You might’ve been because she slows her speech. Like she’s approaching a wounded animal, “Dad’s hosting a dinner. Corporate bullshit but we have to go.” 

“Why.” 

She squints at you. “Why what.” 

“Why do we have to go.” Your mug lands on the table harder than expected. 

“To make mommy and daddy look good.” She sneers while approaching her seat, “Did you forget?” 

“I just thought they wouldn’t want two dykes contaminating their spaces anymore.” 

Ellie snorts. “They don’t. Companies do. Gets their cocks hard. Two gay daughters, how progressive!” She mocks and plops on the chair directly across from you, wiping at her eyes. Your throat dries when you notice her wedding band. She hardly ever wears it. You don’t know where you left yours. Since when does she care to wear it? “They’ll do anything they can to get on their good side. They’re… merging organizations or whatever the fuck he said.” 

She swallows. Shrugs uncaringly, “We going?” Her eyes watch your hands squeeze your mug. 

“Are we.” 

She regards your cup with caution. Does she think you’ll throw it? The thought nearly makes you laugh. 

“Yes.” She answers. 

“Okay.” 

Your wife finally looks up and stands, nose upturned, “Okay? That’s all you got?” 

“Yes. Okay.” You sip silently. Your foot taps on hardwood. 

“Excited to see your family? You like ‘em now?” 

Excited is laughable. 

“No, I don’t.” 

The sudden calamity from your wife confuses you. She tugs at the strands that flop on her head in agitation. They look soft as they bounce with her pacing. You’ll never feel them. Or you might later. Who knows with her. Who knows with you. 

Ellie’s still talking. Her arms flail like she’s annoyed by you. You’re not sure why. You’re following. You’re allowing her to guide. To control. That’s the entire point of this. That’s why you’re going to dinner with her. She told you to go and that’s it. 

Play your part play your part play yo—

You don’t remember much of anything; the past, the present, but you recall what Ellie sounds like when she’s angry, whether it’s at you, her father, the woman her father is fucking or married to or whatever. If you’d listen, you’ll discover what ticked her off, but your ears ring too loud. Much louder than her screaming. 

You sip your coffee silently. Ellie leaves you at the dining table with a slam of a door. 

You think it’s the first floor’s guest room. 

The sun sets. Ellie can’t remember the last time she’s been home this long. 

She hates the weekends. The gallery is never open and she can’t drown herself in deals. She hates being home when you are. Why the fuck are you always here? You don’t have friends, a job, a life outside of this goddamn house? There’s a sinking in her stomach at the thought of your isolation, but she ignores it. Tries to ignore it.

… Can’t really ignore it. How pestering. You’re a pest. 

She knows nothing about you, only bits of your past expressed through photographs at your mother’s or outbursts in your bedroom. Your stepfather is fucking creepy and your mother’s glare is killer, but that’s about it. Still, she doesn’t think she can hate your parents more than you. 

You’re so fucking weird. Just like them. Unforgiving and unchaste one day then apathetic the next. How the fuck can one communicate with a person like that? 

That feeling in her chest again. Sharp and annoying. Try try try, it says. Begs from her. 

Try and do what? Do fucking what—

It took Ellie 3 seconds to unlock the guest room door and fly down the stairs when a crash rings from the first floor. Glass clatters and you sound in pain and oh fuck did someone break in

There’s red all over the kitchen floor but it’s not blood it’s red wine. Red wine red wine it’s not blood— 

You’re on the kitchen floor surrounded by green shards and dressed so pretty. Hair coiled and free and your face is done up and you’re wearing flowers. There’s flowers all over and your skin shines and why do you have heels on like a play doll?

Ellie palms at the scattered racing of her heart. Everything’s fine, her brain blares, She tripped, that’s it. Clears her throat. Rustles her hair to appear normal. 

She’s not dead. 

“… You good?” 

An unsteady hand rises to throw her a thumbs up. Your body wobbles when you attempt to stand. Ellie ushers to the counter to slide on her slippers, tells you to stop when your palm nearly plants on a shard. 

“Move back before you hurt yourself.” Ellie takes a quick lap around the kitchen for the broom and dustpan. Finds you just as quickly so you don’t accidentally slice an artery. 

Your lashes flutter and her heart follows suit, taking in the mess. “I think I fucked up.” You croak.

Hearing you curse is always odd. She huffs, “It’s fine. Can you stand?” 

Your head shakes and your bottom lip juts. “My… my shoes…”

You slowly plop onto your bottom and rest your back against the dishwasher. You struggle to grip your buckles to pull and slide the strap and Ellie remembers why she hates heels. She sweeps the glass away from you and realizes she should’ve mopped first because the bristles are soaked and streaking the clean parts of the crystal porcelain. When was the last time she cleaned? The maids always do. Sometimes you help. 

You look stunned when Ellie moves to squat in front of you. Jumps back when she adjusts your ankle. 

Her palms hang in surrender, “I’m gonna help you. Relax. Do your knees hurt?” 

You landed right on them. They should. You don’t disarm, eyes guarded and body locked tight, but you shrug. It’s good enough for Ellie. 

She unravels the buckles around both your ankles and tosses them next to you and you just watch. Ellie’s glances are quick and flitting, but she follows the traces of her hands; the sharp inhales whenever her fingers brush against the skin of your leg. You’re not as close as you were last night but she can smell you. Her chest is throbbing. You look like you’re about to cry but you’re drunk. It’s meaningless. Drunk people cry. 

Try try try try 

“Can you stand now?” She croaks. 

It takes a second for you to register her inquiry, but you shrug, and she sighs. When Ellie stands, both her hands extend out to you, but you don’t accept them; She gets jittery under your scrutinizing gaze after nearly a minute passes. Her throat dries and her face burns when you brush her hands away; standing on your own is an unstable journey, but you do, back against the counter to stabilize yourself. You look ill. Your brain must be jumbled. 

“Can you get upstairs on your own?” 

“You talk a fucking lot. Shut up.”  

The corner of Ellie’s mouth rises, but she says nothing. Gives you space to move. 

You take one step, then two more, then your eyes shut and your throat jumps. Uh oh.

“Oh shit, come—“

Ellie guides you to the garbage can near the front of the counter, away from the glass, and you dry heave. Liquid splatters inside the can and Ellie hates this so fucking much. The sounds are enough to make her own stomach lurch. It’s been a while since she’s been around someone this drunk. 

But she holds your waist so you don’t faceplant into your own vomit. 

“Get it out,” She hums with a grimace, “You’re fine.” An I gotcha almost rolls off her tongue but she catches it. She glides a comforting hand over your curved spine because you’re drunk and you won’t remember such gestures in the morning. She prefers it that way. 

You’re not gagging anymore so Ellie removes herself from you. Until she hears a whimper. And a sob so quiet she assumes you’re trying to mask it. Drunk people cry; she’s seen it countless times. Why does that seering feeling spark in her chest for what felt like the billionth time today? Fucking try, for fucks sake! 

“Let’s… let’s get you—“

“I wish I was dead.” 

Your prayer is hollow. Not even sad despite your tears. So, so empty. Ellie’s seen this before, experienced that nothingness countless times, but despite it all, she never learned how to console. Hell, she barely knows how to self-soothe without falling victim to her dark temptations. Even her paint brushes can’t eliminate the constant ache she feels. She just watches the tremble of your shoulders from behind. 

“I really don’t wanna go tomorrow.” You whisper. 

Ellie sighs. There’s no other choice. You know the stakes; follow your families’ commands or lose everything at the drop of a hat. They’ll leave you both on the streets to rot with no remorse if they please, replace the two of you with two normal children. Het children that won’t deviate. You’re both on thin ice as it is. Mainly because of Ellie. She can’t seem to keep herself out of trouble.

“I…” 

I’ll be with you the entire time. I don’t like being around those cunts either. 

“It’ll go by quickly.” She settles. 

“I hate when p-people look at me.” 

“Me too.” 

“I wish my family loved me.” 

Ellie’s softer now. Only slightly. 

“Yeah…” 

A tug in her ribcage. Try. Please, try. 

“Me too.” 

The pounding beneath your skull wakes you quicker than the birds. You shove your face in the pillow you rest on. 

The devil tells you to check the time so you do. The bedside clock says noon, meaning a new day, meaning it’s Saturday meaning you’ll die. Maybe not physically but mentally. You’re so drained and you’ve barely opened your eyes; the idea of leaving bed alone is enough to exhaust you. Your wrists and legs ache like fucking hell on top of that. 

You make fists with both hands. Repeatedly clench and unclench. The weight is different on your ring finger. Heavier. You haven’t seen your ring since yesterday… or a few days ago — you’re not really sure. You must’ve found it in your drunken stupor. Just when you hoped to never see it again. 

The universe will always remind you who you are. 

If you stand you’ll vomit but your phone is ringing from the drawer you stuck it in weeks ago. How is it not dead? You know your mom’s calling. You hate that she is… 

The ringing stops and you thank the heavens. 

You curse them when it starts up again. 

The drawer slides open with reluctance. The ringing sounds 20 times louder. You retrieve your device blindly and your throat snaps shut when you speak. 

“You rang.” 

“Did your… partner tell you about tonight.” 

Hard and distant. That’s how she speaks to you. Your heart cracks. 

Your mom already knows Ellie did. She loves to bother you with nonsense. You don’t think she’s ever called Ellie your wife. 

“Yes.” 

“You’re attending.” 

“Yes.” 

“Good.” 

“Is that all.” 

“Your gown was delivered here. Come by well before 8 to get ready.” 

And she hangs up. Just like that. Always. She’s never told you to have a nice day, or to rest well, or that she loves you, at the minimum. And if she had, you don’t remember any of it. There’s a lot you force yourself to forget. 

The selfish part of you disregards the burning of your eyes to stare at your phone — low battery and… no messages. No texts, no phone calls from anyone except your mother, no likes on Instagram because your mom scared you into not making one when you were a teenager. No one cares about you. People care about your wife, though. Maybe because she’s talented; she’s certainly not nice. 

Your darkest memories are always the most prominent. 

Your phone drops to the floor and you don’t reach for it. You just pray to sleep again. 

Tonight will be interesting. 

The ride to your mother’s is silent. 

At least she chauffeured the two of you. Ellie can be scary when she drives. You’ve never been in a car with her, but she did ram into a lamppost on the sidewalk a few nights after your wedding. 

Your wife is already dressed despite the party being hours away. She sits right next to you in all black; in a trenchie and turtleneck and slacks and loafers with fur and gold jewelry. When she descended the staircase, you gawked when she wasn’t looking. So simple, but she had your heart fluttering when she’d asked, ready? You’re still in your sleep shorts, teeth unbrushed and starving. When was the last time you ate? 

What an embarrassment — you’re an embarrassment, but you can’t bring yourself to care anymore. If only newly wed you could see herself now. 

You swallow a lump when you feel eyes on the side of your face, but yours remain glued out the window. The closer you get to your mom’s, the faster your mind starts to shut down. Everything passes you by in a blur. 

By the time the gates with your father’s initials come into view, your thoughts go silent, only filled with the calming images of nature and the song of birds. Your only escapism. 

The only way you’ll make it out of here in one piece. 

Ellie! Darling! We’ve missed you! Give us a smile! 

Ellie! Ellie, look this way! 

Ellie, where’s your wife? 

She wishes she knew. You’d barely made it into your mother’s home before getting swept down the hall by 4 other people who poked at your appearance. Ellie didn’t even get to give your mom the passive, spine-chilling hi, mom like old times before another SUV came to whisk her away from that hell hole. Her dad always knows somehow. 

She hates being at your mom’s; it’s stifling and quiet and the aura is dark. Like mother, like house or whatever the fuck. 

She scowls when the bombarding questions redirect to you. Some concerning, some sarcastic, some raunchy — those get under her skin in particular — and she can’t stop fiddling with her ring. Her chest tugs tugs tugs. 

Trouble in paradise? 

You were caught leaving the bar with another woman on your arm a few weeks ago! How’d your wife react to that? 

She doesn’t know. She’s never home to see you break. 

Guilt ate at her when the door of your mother’s mansion shut behind her, but she disregards it now. You shouldn’t be forced to listen to their guised jabs; You get enough of that from everyone in your life. She hopes you’ll go through the back entrance when you arrive. 

When will you get here? 

Ellie’s never made an event appearance without you. You’d pose and fidget and display awkward affection so that they’d buy your love a little bit, then enter the gathering as two separate hearts, riddled and torn, never to cross paths until the bustle is over and it’s time to go home. 

Finally, security moves and barricades her until she gets past the 20 foot gate and treads the steps. The flashing cameras are still blinding from behind. 

The tended garden is the first thing she notices. Wide and green. The daisy and rose bushes are no longer tangled with weeds and surrounded by dead grass and gnats. How could Joelene not see that and be vengeful? Ellie and her dad may not be close anymore, but she knows him; maybe even more than he knows himself. He still misses her mom after everything, and chooses to express it through her favorite hiding spot. Keeps the flowers that bloom and trims the ones that don’t so she lives through them. Ellie hardly remembers a time when her mother wasn’t covered in dirty overalls and sunburnt. 

She manages to hold it together when the large double doors open. The violins suddenly sound like nails on wood. 

Voices fade into nothing. People are outside your car. Light hurts so terribly. 

One second you’re here, the next you’re not. Your mom and her husband sit across with twined arms and the lace from your dress is itchy and you wanna disappear. When you blink, you’re gone. You only exist on this plain if your eyes are open. 

Something hard and leather brushes against your ankle, scratches against your stockings, slow and snake-like. You know what it is, who it is, and you freeze, eyes locked onto your mother. No matter your hopelessness, there’s still a young girl in you that wishes your mother would defend, act on anger, be disgusted at minimum. At least when his crimes are done in secret you can’t blame her for not knowing. 

But you’re here and she’s here and he’s here. A shared secret between the three of you. 

His shoe doesn’t halt on your leg. Your mother never looks at you. 

Birds and songs and sonnets. You’re a bird and you can fly against the strongest winds. Music is your guide and you follow the clouds. 

Your fingers twist together in your lap and the black interior of the car glows red. If only… he’s not the only one with sick intentions. If only. 

You’re flying you’re flying you can fly and there’s someone who’ll love you gently. They’re out there somewhere and you’ll find them and they’ll find you like every trial was worth it. 

Patience. That’s all you need. Just be patient. 

The rest of the car ride is unbeknownst to you. Next thing you know, your door is being opened and two men await your entry at the glass door. 

Champagne is good. Tequila is better. The two mixed is hell. 

Ellie’s throat burns and her mind swirls but she plays it off well enough. Mingles with pensive, old bastards while their daughters’ gawk at her with bright-eyed curiosity and you haven’t arrived yet. 

She lost her dad somewhere in the night. He greeted her briefly upon her arrival, pointed out the important men of the night, called your mother a selfish bitch, then walked off with his mistress by his side. Ellie’s eyes keep meeting the back door from the living room. 

Where are you? 

“Ellie!”

She downs the rest of her chute and guards her agitation with a grin. Shakes the hand of… 

What the fuck was this dude’s name? 

“It’s an honor! Your art is incredible! I’ve truly—“

—Fucking Ronald? Reginald? … Ronald might be it—

“—Your father, ya know, he’s an interesting man, incredibly smart! I’ve never—“

Her dad gave her a run-down of the … merging or whatever the fuck but what the fuck did he say and holy shit, is she sweating? The man’s handshake threw her off, frankly; almost snapped her wrist in two. Fucking old piece of shit. More business jargon that she pretends to understand and care so much about because it’s a show after all. All cheers and stiff laughter. 

“And your wife! By God, what a looker!”

Her jaw clenches. Where are you where are you where are you

“What we’d give, I mean, c’mon!” Men that pass laugh with him and it’s taking everything in Ellie not to smash this glass over his head. One quick swing and it’s over. For him and her. How promising.

“Where is she anyway? You two didn’t come together?” 

“She um, she’s with her parents right now. They’ll be here.” She jerks her chin toward the entrance. 

“How lucky are you. Treat her like the star she is!” It looks like the shithead’s leaving, but not before taunting, “Holler when she arrives, will ya?” 

And just like that, he leaves Ellie to simmer. Three deep breaths. A man in a suit and tray filled with champagne waltzes passed her and she snags two glasses. Downs the first in one thick swallow before another clinks with hers. 

Why does everyone keep fucking with her? 

“Cheers.” 

Ellie doesn’t need to look to know who it is. She scoffs. “Sounds like you’re having fun.” 

Jolene stands next to her, shoulders slouched and dress glowing under the chandelier. She arches a dark brow, “Who wouldn’t? Men are the most entertaining when they’re on ego trips.” 

“Same goes for my dad?” She snips, and Jolene shocks her with a smile. 

“Meh.” 

“Why are you here.” 

“I just told you—“

“No, where are you here.” Ellie gestures between them, “Why’re you talking to me right now?” 

Jolene downs her drink and shrugs, “My attempts at bonding. On a scale of 1 to 10, how shit were they?” 

“900. Leave me the fuck alone.” Before Ellie can run, a hand clamps down on her wrist. 

“I know—“ The woman rushes, “I know we don’t have the best relationship, but I’m not—“

Ellie almost corrects her out of pettiness; They don’t have a relationship, period. There’s no best or worst. But her sudden desperation halts her. 

“—the enemy. There’s not a lot for us in these spaces. I just wanted to try and establish something. Anything. Between us. It can be so lonely without a real support system.”

Ellie hates the direction her heart turns her mind. Suddenly you’re there and you’re crying and clawing at your chest and Ellie just watches like she did that night. So powerless. So empty. 

But Jolene isn’t you. She chooses to be selfish. Yours comes from self preservation and nothing else. 

Ellie snatches her hand back and throws her the deadliest stare. “You don’t know shit about being lonely. You’re the one who gave up everything you had to fuck my dad when my mom wasn’t looking. How much did you care about her loneliness then? Hm?” 

The timing was perfect, really. 15 year old Ellie watched her parents get into one of their most abhorrent arguments; her dad leaves first, then her mom, then only one of them returns, and it was not her mother. Imagine her shock when a news reporter confirmed that her mother’s body had been thrown in a garbage bag and left in a dumpster to rot. It only took two weeks to mourn before he was marrying another woman. 

Nobody cared that her mother had been shot or stabbed or gutted. She was just a woman married to a successor who raised a deviant child. 

Ellie forces herself to not point fingers, though. Anyone could’ve killed her, she always reminds herself; to keep her from going fucking crazy. But timing… 

How telling is time. 

Jolene’s eyes widen and her grip weakens. Ellie takes that as an escape before she has a breakdown in front of the caviar platter. 

She barely takes a step before she collides with a body. 

Funny. 

She bumped right into a star that shines a royal blue. The woman of the hour, for sure. In her mind, at least.

“Sorry.” You whisper.

“You’re fine. All me.” Ellie says lowly as she takes you in, and you do the same to her. Shy, but yearnful glances. Glossed lips tightly sealed and brows tense. Your dress shimmers and holds you snug and she feels guilty for staring at your curvature. She’s suddenly hyper aware of the vultures that disguise themselves as men and she has an instinct to hide you. And your ring is on. The thumping in her chest picks up. Only slightly. 

“It’s great to see you again.” Jolene says shakily from beside Ellie and she almost loses it before a grating voice interrupts. 

“You, as well. And your husband is…?” 

Your mother. And her lap dog wagging his tail beside her. What a bitch. Both of them. 

Your stepdad says something and you inhale sharply and no one notices but Ellie. She studies you carefully. You look like a frightened cat with a frilled tail as he speaks. Claws out, not because you’re ferocious, but so, so scared. She glances at your stepdad; greasy smile while he ogles at Jolene; what a nasty son of a bitch. 

Ellie whispers to you, “Is everything o—“

“Joel! Man of the hour! How are—“

“Where’s the bathroom again?” You whisper back. 

Ellie takes your hand in hers and flees while the family’s distracted, leading you down a hallway that’s way too long with lights too bright. 

She gestures towards the door. “It’s… This is it. One of ‘em at least.” 

“… Thank—“

“What’s the matt—“ 

“I’m fine.” 

“You look like you’ve seen a fucking ghost. Did that piece of shit say something to you?” Ellie glances to make sure no listeners are hiding in the shadows. 

The widest smile grows on your face as you laugh, hearty and loud with your head thrown back. Ellie stares in confusion. 

“Oh, Ellie! You’re so silly,” She jumps when your hands hold her cheeks. You’re fucking freezing and they tremble. Your eyes are a dark void. 

You lean in closer, lips right against her mouth and they part slightly on instinct. She’s concerned and should ask more questions, but your skin is so soft. Are you gonna kiss her, she wonders? You haven’t kissed since your wedding; your breath hits her mouth and her tongue swipes her lips. Her eyes flutter shut and she aches to touch you—

“Save a seat for me, love? Please?” 

It happens so fast; the frost of you is gone and the bathroom door slams shut while an elderly woman fondly whispers, “young love,” as she walks by. Ellie only nods with a rigid curl of her lips, throat cinched too tightly to swallow. 

You puzzle her. She’s tempted to wait for you, to ensure you make it back safely without bombardment, but then 

“Ellie! Why didn’t you call me! Your wife made it safely, I see!” 

A hand claps on her shoulder while men laugh from the side, boisterous and predatory and so wide their fangs show. Ellie’s sick and a war rages within her. 

“Your father sent me to find you! It’s time to eat!” 

She sends them a weak smile. She rushes away from the door and they follow close behind. 

Anything to lure them away from you. 

Attendees have dwindled, only Ellie and her family and you and yours and some CEOs that are really getting on her fucking nerves. But you’ve eaten, thank God. She can breathe a little. 

Only a bit, though. You’re putting on a fucking show and it’s scaring her; Even her dad seems impressed. Charmed by you. Clinking glasses and telling jokes and smiling. Did your mom hold you at gunpoint before you got here? How much did you drink? Not much from what she’s seen. 

That one fucker from earlier — Raymon or Robert or whatever the fuck — keeps leaning over the table whenever you do. Peeping at your chest, probably. She wishes these steak knives were sharper. 

“So! Our young couple,” says Old Bitch with a Combover and wiggly brows, “When are we getting those heirs?” 

You cough uncomfortably and Ellie squirms in her seat. Your mother scoffs, “Two women can’t have children—“

Said Old Bitch shrugs, “Well, not biologically—“

“My point exactl—“

Ellie’s father cuts in with a tense grin, “When they get to that point, we’ll discuss their options. There’s… many nowadays, evidently.” 

Neither you or Ellie interrupt, but she notices you’ve moved closer to her. Inched your seat a bit. You squeeze your hands so hard in your lap she’s scared they’ll shatter where they lay. You’re not smiling anymore. 

Her dad and your mom are subtle with their blows at one another; snarky with brutal stares, unremarkable to strangers, but you and Ellie know. When dinner ends, you’ll both be caught in their crossfire. 

“There’s no shame in me wanting my grandchildren to be by blood. I shouldn’t have to go shopping for an heir.” Your mother hisses. 

“Sh—“ Joel huffs with disgust, “Shopping for an heir? That’s what you think adoption entails?” 

“Does it not?” Your mother’s tone rises. 

Reggie, Rory, or Russell interjects with a dismissive wave, “C’mon, you too! No need to argue. I’m sure girls like them will be fine with obtaining children! It might be more… complicated, I will say!” 

“May I be excused?” You croak, and Ellie straightens. 

“Why? So you can wallow about dying childless?” 

The table silences. No laughter, no wittiness. Completely still. That wasn’t from your mother. Ellie doesn’t remember the last time she’s heard your stepdad speak so clearly. Her blood thrashes beneath her skin so harshly that her tongue unties. There’s a darkness in her that whispers, “grab that steak knife”. Brutalize him. Just for a second. Do it for you. 

Do it for her. 

“Go fuck yourself.” She spits. 

Your neck almost cracks with the speed you turn to her, eyes wide as the moon. Her father condemns, “Watch your mouth, Ellie.” 

“Or what, you old fuck?” 

Her heart rattles noisily in her chest; her hands shake where they rest on her lap, her cells trembling with the instinct to harm. The gaze of her father is distant and filled with inadequacy for his only line. Nothing unbeknownst to her, but there's a flash of something so deep, so forbidden for them, but she sees it every time they hold contact. Beneath all the loathing and lesions left to drain, there’s longing. An inkling of gratitude that she knows he’ll suppress until he’s buried underground. He’ll never look the same to her, and she imagines the same for him. Too many bridges burned. 

“How’d I do?” Ellie rasps to him, “Hm? The night went how you hoped?” 

Look at what you’ve done, she hopes her eyes say. Tears welt against her will. When was the last time she cried in front of him? She hadn’t even given him that honor at her mother’s funeral years ago. 

Ellie’s stiff stature nearly cracks at the light brush atop her knee. A wind catches in her throat when a pinky turns into three fingers, then five, then a palm that squeezes comfortingly, desperately. Maybe partly to keep her glued to this chair. She gulps the dryness down and a flame lights in the pit of her stomach. 

Her glance to you is brief, barely out of the corner of her eye, but you’re watching her. Intensely, and it scorches her cheeks, all the way down to her neck. Scared cat. Scared cat. Shrilled and cold and frightened to hell and she despises it. 

What changed? She’ll always wonder. That look hardly shook her a week ago and now it makes her teeth ache. 

Suddenly, it’s too warm here. 

“Get up,” Ellie rushes you. Grabs your arm and yanks you from your seat, “Not dealing with this fuckin’ bullshit tonight. We’re leaving.” 

There’s suddenly shouting from all directions of the dinner table with each step Ellie takes for you, but you never drop her hand. She clenches it tighter when you finally reach the back door. 

The door slams shut on the wreckage behind you. 

Consider plan MERGE a bust. 

Ellie’s a thief. You think. Maybe. 

Is it stealing if the car belongs to a family member? Where she snagged the keys from? You don’t remember. One second you’re at dinner, then watching the city pass you by the next. It’s silent in here. 

“Stop.” 

You slam back into your body. Still in the car. You wish you were asleep. 

“Huh?” 

Her eyes watch the road, but a hand rests on both of yours to pry them apart. 

“Stop. I hate that sound.” 

“… Wha—“

“You’re gonna rip your skin off if you don’t stop.” 

… Oh. Yeah. Bloody cuticles. It was all accidental, you swear. 

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize.” Her eyes shut briefly and she sighs, sounding so worn. Exhaustion is her white flag. “Just stop.” 

“Alright.” 

“Thanks.” 

It’s quiet again. The red from the stop light reflects in the car and you’re instantly reminded of your stepfather. 

“Ellie.” 

“Hm.” 

“We should get a bird.” 

“… And do what with it.” 

You shrug, “Pet it. Feed it, too.” Sing with it, you wanted to add. Ellie would’ve probably laughed at you. 

She snickers dryly, “That’s usually what you do with a pet.” 

“I never had one.” 

The light turns green and the car revs. Your wife hums, “I had a fish once or twice.” 

“Lucky.” 

A small — very, very minuscule grin quirks Ellie’s lips and your heart hollers. For joy? In warning? 

“Not really. They kept dying so I gave up.” She snickers to herself, and you can’t help but stare. She starts talking then. Eyes gone, tension gone. She’s suddenly relaxed. 

“My mom… she, uh… loved water. Was always in it or… watching it on TV or something. She always bought fish from fucking… PetCo—“

“PetCo?” You laugh, then Ellie does. 

“Right? She’d take me and be like, “get one”. And I went home with a new fish every time.” 

“I thought you only went once or twice?” 

“… Times 100,” She giggles, “My mom lived there. She would always talk to the cats through the glass.” 

You don’t hesitate, “I wanna go.” 

“To PetCo?” 

“Yeah.” Why not? 

Everything is almost over. So, why not? 

“… K.” 

“So we’ll go?” 

“Mhm.” 

And the conversation ends. The car is silent. Suddenly tense again when you ask, 

“Do you think we’re cut off?” 

Ellie’s jaw clenches and the car is suddenly tense. Back to square one. “Possibly. Tonight was a shit show. It went by fast, at least.” 

“What’s gonna happen to me?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m…”

Alone. You’re fucking alone and know nothing about life outside of what was built around you. Without it, you’ll spiral and fail and face a dreadful reality. No more rose colored glasses even if they’re browned and wilted as is. You’ll be eaten alive by the creatures in the night without a protective border. 

But the curse will end. You won’t inherit or be forced to lie or play a game that ends in fire. Decades of legacy down the drain just like that, and by your own hand. It fascinates you, that power. A force you’ve been withheld from. 

“I don’t know.”

“Still thinking about divorce?” A void in Ellie’s tone. 

“I don’t know.” 

“They’ll never allow it, you know that, right?” 

“What if I just leave?” 

“And do what?” Her voice raises. 

“Who knows. Who cares.” 

“Please,” Ellie exasperates, “Your mom will get fucking SWAT to bring you back.” 

“What good will a corpse do for her?” 

You’ll be dead but you’ll have a bird. A colorful one. That’ll be your legacy. That’s all you need, really. Ellie doesn’t say anything. Neither do you. 

More buildings flash by and suddenly you’re home. Parked in the garage with Ellie beside you, gazing off into opaque walls. You wonder what she’s thinking. If she sees everything in black and white like you do. Maybe she’s the opposite, vision bright and full of suppressed color. She is a painter after all. 

“What’re your plans?” Ellie suddenly whispers. 

“For?” 

“Life. The future. Anything,” She pries and digs for something, “There has to be something that interests you! That gets you excited! There’s so much shit to do.” 

You shrug. Not much. Not anything. 

“I used to be excited for my wedding,” You mumble, “Like… as a kid. White dress and flowers and everyone’s just excited to be there. For love, and whatever, you know? That’s how it was in movies, at least.” It’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s off your chest. The unhealthy romanticization of the happiest day of your life ended up being just another day to honor the greed of your families. Everyone was so lifeless when they watched you and Ellie kiss. It hadn’t even lasted 3 seconds before she shoved the band on your finger with teary cheeks. Such beautiful scenery was wasted on misery. 

You look over and Ellie’s eyes are roaring, palms squeezing together in her lap while her wedding ring twists around her finger. You watch it cycle. 

“Now I…” You chuckle sadly, “I just want a bird, to be honest.” 

With your heels and purse in hand, the car door opens and you exit, forcing yourself not to peek through the windshield at Ellie again. 

The second floor, your bedroom, your bathroom, are all quiet. Did Ellie not follow you inside? For a while, you envision what it would be like if you weren’t married. If you weren’t born as you, would your world be this still? 

It haunts you in the shower. Wolffish eyes and dry hands grasping at your shoulders and waist but everything’s quiet. 

You wash your face, brush your teeth, wrap your hair alone. You wonder if anyone is actually in the house. Was Ellie a figment of your imagination? Is this one of the nights that proves she doesn’t exist and that your brain is your greatest enemy? You shove your face into the mattress before your thoughts venture. Silence rocks you to sleep, but not forgetting the taunting desire to know 

Is death this quiet? 

Your mom���s calling. 

Vibrations rattle in your bedside dresser. The sun isn’t up yet. The birds are still resting. She never calls this early… or late. Something bad must’ve happened. It takes 17 seconds for your drawer to stop shaking before it starts again. 

You can’t move to answer, though. Your body isn’t yours at the moment. Your soul will reclaim its shell soon enough. Or maybe it won’t. 

Your drawer shakes shakes shakes. Your heartbeat eventually matches the pace of its vibrations. You think it’s been 20 minutes. Maybe longer. When will the birds wake? 

Finally, the calls stop. Your eyes shut again. Instantly taken by darkness. 

You never wear normal clothes. 

Ellie’s only ever seen you in thousand dollar dresses and high heel shoes that scrape your achilles and cloth that squeezes you so tight she thinks she might explode by just looking at you. No matter how fucking good you look in them. 

So what the fuck is that? Moreso, why does she like it so much? Her cheeks are on fucking fire and her heart is trying to flee its enclosing. 

You have a t-shirt on. A simple, non-Gucci white tee that says LAS VEGAS and black shorts and a scarf on your head and socks with squirrels on them. Is this the fucking matrix? 

You never wake up this late, either. It’s 20 till 10. 

“Did my mom call you at all?” 

No… no she didn’t… Why can’t Ellie speak? She’s sitting there gaping like a fish and taking guilty glances at your nipples through your shirt. She shakes her head. You nod yours. 

“I uh…” She mumbles with a cotton mouth when you step into the kitchen, “I made coffee.” 

“I smelled it.” You serve yourself at the counter. 2 Splenda packs, no cream.

“Did your mom call you?” 

“Yes.” 

“What’d she say?” 

“I didn’t answer.” 

… Interesting. Odd. Her calls are never missed by you. 

“I hope it’s something bad.” 

Ellie swallows her sip thickly. “… Damn. Why?” 

“She deserves it.” You say calmly while stirring. “He does, too.” 

“Your dad?” 

“My stepfather,” You hiss and slam your mug on the table. Ellie flinches, “Yes.” 

Her palms raise in surrender, “Sorry.” 

“Where do you go at night?” The chair across from her scrapes on hardwood when you sit. 

Nowhere, recently. Ellie shrugs as nonchalantly as she can, “Anywhere. Wherever I want.” 

“Take me next time.” 

She pauses her sip to ogle. “Hm?” 

“Take me. I wanna see what’s fun for you.” 

Ellie huffs a shocked laugh, “No, you don’t.” 

You squint, “Yes, I do. That’s why I’m asking to see.” 

“It’s not your scene, dude, trust m—“

She jolts where she sits when a hand — your hand, soft and agile and cold, slams down on the table, rattling both your mugs and the vase that holds dead flowers, nearly shattering the glass with an accusatory finger. 

“You dunno know shit about me! I’m fucking going whether you like it or not! Whether she likes it or not, and if I have to do it myself, I fucking will, you fucking psychotic fucking bitch!” 

You rise and stomp to where she sits with a pounding heart and a lecherous swirl in her gut. You look about ready to slice her open with a blunt butter knife. 

“You treat me like fucking trash just like everyone else,” You whisper venomously, and Ellie shakes, “The least you could do is listen for once. Scared to take me to the place you cheat on me at? Don’t want me to see it? That’d be too real, huh?” 

Ellie exhales a shaky breath of your name, but your nails, cut and manicured to perfection, sink into her cheeks so tightly that she winces and blushes and her tummy twists with heat. You don’t flinch when her fingers delicately entangle around your wrist; doesn’t want you to think she’s holding you there even though she is. 

“You’re gonna show me a good time tonight. If it’s as fun as you say, that shouldn’t be an issue, right?” 

Her eyes must read yes, yes, it’s not a problem; Your grin is wild like a hyena; pretty lips swelled around pretty teeth and you always smell good. Caramelized sugar and nectar.  

“Who knows,” You purr and Ellie feels goosebumps forming, “Maybe I can meet one of your little friends.” 

She chokes around a gasp before her lips curl into a conniving grin, cheeks plush around your fingers, “Aren’t you a little hussy.” 

“Fuck you.” You shove her so hard her back collides with the seat but her eyes glow pink. She watches you leave the kitchen and stomp up the steps with a burning chest until a door slams from upstairs. She releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding, wracked and desperate. 

-

-

-

Ellie will never admit — or maybe she will, but she purposefully uses your shared bathroom to catch glimpses at you. She always expects to find you out cold and wrapped in warm blankets, chest fluttering with each twitch of your socked feet that peek from below the blankets. 

What she doesn’t expect to see, though, is your phone shattered to pieces and left to drown in the clogged sink. Right next to a weighted rubber mallet; Where’d you find that? All your pent up emotions were taken out on your device… and the counter, apparently. The marble is chipped. 

She can only laugh in astonishment. Amazement. Fear when she realizes… 

Your mom.

Did you ever answer the phone?

Another day you’ve slept away. Either you were dreaming or someone was holding you suffocatingly tight; you enjoyed it, strangely. The sun is completely gone and there’s rustling and music echoing from the bathroom. Ellie’s in there. 

All the blood rushes to your head with how quickly you sit up, but your feet carry you past your closets until the light from the room sizzles your vision. 

Your wife stands by the mirror, drying her hair with a towel with a cigarette between her fingers. The guitar synths coming from her phone are grinding in your ears. 

Is she really keeping her promise? 

Did she promise to take you? You don’t remember. 

“Hi.” Her eyes meet yours in the mirror and your spine twitches. You say nothing, so she chuffs with a teasing lift of her lips, “Chickenin’ out?”

“No.” 

“K.” 

“What do I wear?” 

She shrugs, “Whatever you want to.” She speaks around smoke and her timbre’s dry. 

“What are you wearing?” 

“Whatever I want to.” 

She must sense your skepticism because she’s suddenly reassuring, voice crackly, “You’re not under any expectations tonight. You wanted me to show you what I do for fun, and I’m gonna. You just have to do your part and enjoy it.” 

Your nails dig into your thighs while you watch her. She has her ring on and her body wash coats the room in cinnamon. With a pounding heart, your hands slowly drag up your sides, fingers dragging at the hem of your shirt. She’s not looking. 

Enjoy it…

“Did you eat today?” 

“No.” 

She gives you a look. Stern. What is she mad about? Your tummy flutters, “There’s leftovers downstairs, you can have ‘em,” She shakes her wet hair and puts on her glasses, checks her watch, checks her phone, hits her cigarette. “We’re kinda behind so you should get read—“

Enjoy it. 

Her eyes meet where your shirt drops to the floor, breasts on display while your hands inch up your legs to drag your shorts down, all while you watch her. And she watches you. It’s overwhelming, your wife as an audience while you undress. But she told you to enjoy it. Enjoy the night. Enjoy the stares. Enjoy the attention. Enjoy her, for once. It all seeps into your pores. You step out of your bottoms and peel your socks off. 

Ellie drinks you in slowly. Says nothing. Simply takes her time memorizing every line, curve, dip, scar of you. You like how ravenous she looks. The sin in her pupils only darkens when your thumbs hook in your underwear to shed them. They dangle from your index finger when you walk; You smile when her throat jumps. 

She watches your filled hand travel to her pant pocket to shove the flimsy cloth in. The muscles in her back twitch when your finger traces her spine. Ellie’s pretty, littered in cute, red and brown spots. 

“I’m gonna shower.” Your lips brush her ear, and goosebumps rise all over her arms. Her eyes flutter in a pleasant blink, nodding in understanding. 

Your wife takes her lighter and reignites your favorite candle while your water warms. How sweet of her to set the mood for you. 

Ellie finishes her cigarette while you lather, watching her through the fogged glass of the shower walls, massaging soapy hands into your breasts and your legs and everywhere. She lights another at some point, bent over the counter while she smokes, ogling you through the mirror shamelessly. You smile when it settles in your chest.

You’re gonna fuck your wife tonight. 

What a fucking oddball you are. It’s cute. A little sexy, too. Only a little, she swears. 

… Fuck. 

She waits for you on the bed, dressed and jewelried, fiddling with her watch out of nerves because what the fuck are you playing at? Whiplash; that’s what she’s had all fucking day because of you. She works in the morning, for fucks sake. 

Still…

Does she deserve this sudden… What the fuck even is this? Certainly not affection; you nearly strangled her at the dining table. Attention, possibly? Seduction? She’s wired to hell, she wants you so bad. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

She could act on her attraction, sure. She’s positive you’d allow her to take whatever she wanted because that’s what you’re trained to do; to satisfy your partner — husband, she imagines your mother grating — in any way he desires. But Ellie’s not a man, and she doesn’t want that. She needs you to love it, to crave it as much as she does. To take from her like she dreams of taking from you. Ellie needs you to batter her, and if you’d like, she’ll do the same to you. 

If only you’d give her something tangible. Teasing isn’t enough. She’s desperate to get a grasp on your headspace; she wishes she could prick and prod at your brain for a second. What an experience that would be. 

You enter the bedroom like a ghost; hair still wet and coily, dressed in all black like she is, only decorated with gloss and earrings. No heels either. Just very shimmery looking flip-flops. Ellie bites down a smile. 

“Where are we going?” 

She shrugs at your inquiry, “Somewhere really, really loud.” 

“Will people find us?” Paps, you mean. Ellie denies. 

“Not where I’m taking you.” 

“Must be secretive.” 

She tuts, “Not… well, maybe. It’s fun though. I think you’ll like it.” 

“Okay.” 

Ellie stands with her wallet and keys and kiddingly offers you an arm to hold onto. “M’lady.”

But you don’t accept it; back turned, halfway out of the room towards the stairs.

Pleasant. She doesn’t mean to smile. 

She makes sure to grab the to-go box from earlier before locking the front door behind her. 

It is very loud here. And hot. And raunchy. 

… You like that. Your mom would have a heart attack if she were to ever walk in here. 

The trip to this whatever, wherever place was pretty far. You counted every second of the nearly hour ride, mainly because Ellie’s jittery knee made you nervous. It’s smaller than you assumed, but not quaint. Not at all. There's a ruckus from the entrance to the back exit, people your age and older, screaming and shouting words that you don’t know while people pound on drums and shred on guitar. They sweat through their clothes while their makeup streaks down their faces as they make love to microphone stands. 

… Better than tea time, you suppose. How exhilarating. Your heart’s pounding like crazy.

Not much can be said between you and Ellie. You can’t hear over the bass and rumbles from the floor but she holds your hand and small purse. Guides you to a small section in the back with a bar. She hands the tender her card and… that’s it. Four clear, questionably large shots are poured and slid to her like nothing. You want all of them. 

Ellie seems so at home as she guides you, already a burning shot down, into the crowd. You’re shoved instantly by party goers, but she catches you, holds you strongly. You look at her, puzzled with shock, but she uncaringly lifts her shoulders, downs a shot, and starts thrashing. 

Your jaw slacks and lights beam and flicker at a rapid pace but you’re smiling. Your wife meshes with the scene so nicely. You wanna be like that. So you follow. You drink and jump and flail and scream your head off. 

You and your wife are synched for once. Terrible dancers. No rhythm whatsoever. Who cares who cares who cares.

You wish your mom was here to see you like this. You hope your mom’s dead so she never has to see you like this. A thought so dark shouldn’t bring you this much joy. You laugh and holler at the imagery. Blood all over the marble. Blood all over the doors of your childhood home. Blood blood blood everywhere because they deserve it. Look at what they’ve done to you. Sick evil people.

You wanna kill your stepfather. This music makes you wanna kill your stepfather. It’s gorey in itself, almost. Abborherent verbiage. You think Ellie wants to kill your stepfather, too. You should ask her later. Maybe when you're both sober. Maybe you should make your mom watch you skin him alive. Him dying would damage her more than you ever could. 

When your eyes open, Ellie’s gawking at you, seemingly surprised. Impressed? She holds your cheeks to get your attention, gesturing, asking if you want another drink. You nod and shout in her face and she laughs. Ellie holds you by the waist and guides you to the bar. The bartender must like Ellie. You leave with a full bottle this time. 

You and Ellie pass it between yourselves, the night becoming more and more broken. Touchy. Feely. Ellie rubs all over you while you pour liquor into her mouth. A bit dribbles down the sides but she doesn’t care. You don’t either. So you lick the drops from her neck like a cat with milk. Ellie stops and you stop and everything stops. It’s just the two of you, suddenly; all other patrons evaporate to nothingness. Her eyes are blown and heavy as she searches your face, and they halt their wandering at your lips. She’s thinking about it; You want her to see how bad you crave it. Even if it’s just for a second. She smiles, pleased. You shudder. 

But she doesn’t do it. She spins you so your back is against her chest, lips at your neck while she pushes her hips into your ass. She’s messy, drenching your already sweaty neck in spit. Her nails dig into the fabric of your dress, guiding your hips, swaying you on her. You follow. You follow so blindly because you like her hands on you a little too much. You drink and drink and drink. Everything feels light. Good. 

You think Ellie’s speaking to you. Or singing words in your ear. Or maybe she isn't speaking at all. You’re not sure, but your face is burning hot. She tongues at your ear and you make a noise that you can’t hear but hope she can. You need this. 

Her hands are suddenly slow where they crawl up your sides until they rest on your breasts. Your empty hand lands on one of hers to squeeze so that she can squeeze you. You feel her smiling on your skin when your jaw slacks. 

Your head turns to chase her mouth, but she does you one better. Whisks you once more so your chests smash together. She snatches the bottle from your hand, takes one last swig before passing it to eager, drunk hands that wave from behind. You gasp when her thumb catches your bottom lip, pulls it down to get your mouth open enough for her to dribble liquor into. You moan loud enough for Ellie to hear over those booming drums, swallowing down everything she gives, nails sank into her waist while her hips push into yours. When you swallow the last drops, she kisses you. Messy and hot, tongue and teeth; it gets your heart singing. Her pink muscle swirls inside of your mouth and your arms wrap around her neck, yanking her into you so no space is left. Her hands are everywhere; tangled in your hair, grabbing at your hips, your ass, your thighs. Everywhere everywhere everywhere like she can’t get enough of you. You’re overwhelmed and high out of your mind but you follow her guide. Anywhere she wants you, you are. 

Maybe you’re just as bad as she is. After everything she’s done, you should hate her. You think you do. You hate her for leaving you. You hate her for embarrassing you. Abandonment. Her only gift to you. Maybe that’s why you kiss her with such conviction. 

Her touch is passionate; strong but not forceful. She breathes you in like a rarity, something she treasures, all while she licks and tugs at you like a slut. There’s a pulse deep within you when her lips enclose around your tongue to suck it. Your thighs squeeze and she grins madly, giving you one last innocent peck before she grabs your hand to spin you. You laugh and twirl with her. 

You understand why people fall in love so fast. You hate that you’re one of them. 

Or are you simply as delusional as they come? 

You’re even more enthralling when free of restraint. 

Ellie’s drunk and sweaty and exhausted but she uses every last bit of strength to stare at you. She sits at the bar as the crowd dwindles, artist after artist, established or aspiring, all go on to perform, and you haven’t taken a break once. You simply twirl and spin and mouth incorrect lyrics with the widest smile on your face, all while Ellie brings you her drinks to finish. 

You’ve been here for hours it seems, but Ellie can’t drive. But the night is young. You certainly don’t look ready to go home. 

What more can she show you?

“Thank you all for comin’ out! Tonight was a dream—“

You’re a dream, Her chest screams. You you you you fuck—

You clap like the happiest seal on the planet before spinning around to face Ellie. It happens in flashes: you come closer and closer until you’re in front of her, warm hands on her cheeks, ears tingling when you whisper, 

“I didn’t get to meet your sluts.” 

You sound upset about it. Ellie stumbles about how they didn’t come, how they’re not here. How she doesn’t wanna see them right now and she means it all, but you don’t believe her, and her chest hurts. Guilty guilty guilty. 

“Get up.” You step away and Ellie pains to pull you back, savor the night a second longer. But she signs the receipt before following you towards the exit. The cold air feels so good. She needs water now. 

She gives you a little yank when you start wandering the opposing direction, “Come… come here. This way.” 

You grin and slur, “Where to?” 

Ellie’s brows wiggle playfully, “Gas station. You hungry?”

“…Yes.”

Ellie extends her hand for you to hold, and surprisingly, you accept. Her heart jolts to life. 

The walk is quiet. Your eyes are glued to the sky, wide and innocent; the large moon entrances you, surrounded by glittery stars. You both wobble down the sidewalk, trying to avoid bumping into pedestrians and other drunkards. She thought the rowdiness of nightlife would frighten you, but you seem drawn to the chaos.  

Soon enough, you’re both surrounded by aisles filled with chips and sodas and a fuck ton of candy. Ellie cringes at the fond stares she gives you holding 4 packs of watermelon sour patches. You’re cute as hell right now. Have you never been to a convenience store? What the fuck. 

“El! El, what the fuck! Where ya been!” 

Her sluggish brain is trying — really trying to figure out who the hell just left the staff room and is walking towards the two of you. It’s someone that knows her name or whatever shortened version they’ve created and the closer this person gets the more you shield yourself behind her fuck fuck fuck

Arms latch around her neck in a strong hug. Muscular, nice voice, smells like cherries. 

Abigail Anderson. Shoulda known. Great. 

“Jesus fuck, you smell like my dad’s liquor cabinet! We fucking missed you! We haven’t seen you in…” 

When Abby pulls back, her eyes immediately find you. Ellie steals a glance; eyes wide, soft with curiosity. They darken slightly when they lock onto Abby’s shoulders, all the way down to her arms and Ellie… why the fuck does that annoy her? 

“Who’s that,” Abby whispers suggestively and Ellie sighs. Scratches at her eye in irritation. 

“I’m her wife.” You say causally, and it shocks both of them. Abby moreso. Did Ellie never tell her? She’s sure she did. Everyone knows she’s married… right?

“Wh— wife?” Her eyes shift onto Ellie, “Bitch, you got married? What the fuc— when—“

“3 months ago.” You answer.

“Fucking — holy shit. Congrats? Uhh… sorry! Nice to meet you! You’re gorgeous, by the way,” She stutters to shake your hand, but you accept it, “I’m Abby!” 

“Hi.” You smile in delight and your shoulders relax. Abby smiles just as gently and Ellie thinks it’s time to go because you’re both getting on her nerves. 

“Alright, well, we're gonna pay, so… yeah. I’ll text you tomorrow or something. We’re tired.” 

“Mhmm,” Abby hums cockily, eyes glued to the mess Ellie made of your neck, “Looks like y’all had a great time.” 

“We did,” She confirms with pointed eyes, “See ya.” 

“Byeee.” Abby sing-songs with a chuckle before Ellie leads you towards the service counter to dump your snacks. Ellie gives the cashier a familiar nod. 

“Is she who you fuck?” 

Ellie chokes on her water and the cashier gawks at you from behind their reading glasses. You couldn’t have been any fucking louder in that moment, what the fuck.

“What—“

“Do you fuck Abby? I hope not in that bathroom,” You clumsily point to the gender neutral sign near the entrance. “I heard they’re filthy—“

Ellie whispers even though there’s no point, “Dude, are you fucking crazy—“

“… It's just a question—“

“Have a nice night.” 

The cashier rigidly hands Ellie the stuffed baggie and receipt. She snatches them before snatching you to leave. She drops your hand the second briskness surrounds you, “The fuck was that about?” Her chips are calling her. She needs a stress reliever. 

“What—“

She squeezes the bag and the pop rings like a gunshot, “Why the fuck are you asking if I fucked Abby? What the fuck—“

“She’s hot and you kinda are… to a certain degree, I guess. I just assumed.” 

Ellie’s appalled, but doesn’t have the energy to look offended. “Stop assuming, it’s… that’s fucking weird—“

You simply shove tiny watermelon slices in your mouth and steal her water to chug it. She watches you impatiently before you hand the crumpled, half-empty plastic back to her. She downs the rest and discards it some-fucking-where. 

Her thoughts are clouded. Did she fuck Abby? Are you forreal—

“I don’t care, you know.”

“About what?” 

You shrug, “If you fuck her.” 

“Please be quiet.”

“Okay.” 

You both do for a while, dead grass and Dorritos crunching around you. 

Until Ellie speaks again. 

“You’re quiet.” 

“Mhm.”

“Sleepy?”

“Nmhm.” 

Wide awake, actually. The world passes you by with each step the two of you take, swirling with bright lights and laughter. You follow Ellie closely, handfuls of candy shoved in your mouth while she munches on her chips. You never had those orange triangles before. Neither of you are in a rush to make it back to the car. Can Ellie drive in this state?

“Do you, uh, like places like that? Concerts?” 

“Yes.” You break out in a grin. 

“What else do you like?” 

“I dunno. I haven’t… experienced much.” You shrug, accidentally brushing against your wife’s shoulder. Electricity sparks near the end of your spine where a steadying hand rests. “Your friend… does she go with you? To concerts?” 

“Who?”

“Aaabby.” You tease, mocking the blonde girl from earlier, and Ellie’s expressions flattens. She's unsure why. 

“Oh, uh… yeah,” Her chip bag is suddenly very interesting. “Sometimes. I met her at one a few years back after a showcase I hosted.” 

“I like her.” She’s nice and smells nicer. You regret not shaking her seemingly strong hand a few seconds longer. Strong all over, actually. 

“… Uh huh.” 

Your brow arches at that, “Does that bother you?” 

“Why the fuck would it bother me? You can like whoever.”  

“Exactly how you like whoever, huh?” You sneer lazily, and Ellie goes stoic. And just like that, the conversation dies once more. You’re glad for it; selfishly, you’d rather refrain from telling your wife about how attractive you found her friend. She’s left you guessing under too many circumstances. Consider this a sliver of revenge. 

You both make it back to the parking lot in silence, minus Ellie’s agitated crunching. You lean against the passenger door while you watch her dig around for the keys. 

“Where to?” 

“It's almost 4 in the morning.” She hisses. 

“So?” You came home later than that for weeks. You wanna say it. You should say it. Grind your thumb deeper into that open wound, but you save it. Another day, maybe. Maybe not. 

“So we’re going home. I’m tired.” 

“Well, I’m not.” 

“Okay? Whatever, I’ll drop you off somewhere.” 

“You wouldn’t leave your poor, defenseless wife unattended, would you?” You whisper slowly, and Ellie tenses when you plant a soft hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t acknowledge you, just stares through the window behind you. You scoff and drop it by your side. Cross your arms stubbornly. 

“You’re mad because I like Abby.”

“There’s nothing for you to like! You just met her.” Her voice raises, and annoyance flares in you. 

“Exactly! I just met her, and I like her! The fuck did you think I was gonna do? Flash her right in front of the gummy worms?” 

“I don’t know! Fucking maybe!”

“So you can fuck other people but I can’t?” 

Ellie’s very close to you suddenly. Your heart jumps, “Oh, now you wanna fuck Abby? She’s the first person you’ve interacted with besides me since we got fucking married!” 

“SO?” You holler. 

“SO YOU’RE NOT FUCKING MY FRIEND! ARE YOU INSANE!” Speckles of spit land on your face and it sizzles into your pores. You might be. You fucking are. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Ellie’s forcing herself into your space, so why do you fight? Why are you hungry? 

Your palms crash into her chest and she nearly loses her balance, “I DON’T NEED PERMISSION FROM YOU! WE’LL FINALLY BE EVEN, YOU FUCKING WHORE!” 

“Yeah? Think Imma fucking whore?” Her grin is sinister, and excitement coils in your belly. Gets your fingers twitching from how hard they’re clenched. 

“Maybe I do.” Vehemence scathed your tongue. 

“You know what I think?” 

“I don’t care—“

“I think you do.” She mumbles against your cheek, “I think you’re jealous.” 

You still. Ellie’s eyes pierce through yours, burning and hot, nostrils flared: she looks like she could snap you in half. Your spine tingles with delirium. 

“You’re mad because I get to be. I can exist and fuck and party and come and go as I please and you hate it. You wish you could do what I do.” She stares like you killed her mother yourself. Strangled her with your bare hands. “I don’t have mommy and daddy breathing down my neck every 2 seconds. You want that so bad it makes you sick.” 

“So why stay?” 

It shocks her. You don’t waver; passive as usual. 

“You’re free and can do whatever you want, right? Why are you here? Go and be that. Be whoever you wanna be because you can.”

Everything will be over soon. Might as well. Ellie simply glares through you. 

Curiosity is your worst enemy. Might as well ask. 

“Why’d you defend me at dinner?” 

What does she know what does she know what does she know what

She rubs her eyes stubbornly, “Oh my fucking god, who gives a fuck!” 

“Me! I give a fuck! Why’d you do it! Why! You’ve never done it before!” 

She knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows

“BECAUSE FUCK HIM! FUCK EVERYBODY THAT DID THIS TO US! FUCK YOU, TOO!” 

You might cry, you might not. You’re unsure of everything and you’re angry and hurting. Ellie’s a reflection of you, and vise-versa. You hate her hate her hate her. 

Hatred. It might be the reason why kissing her feels so good. Because it shouldn’t be happening. Ellie shouldn’t have you trapped between her and her car, grinding so harshly into you that your spine bends. You shouldn’t tug at her hair to expose her neck to lick and suck and bite her neck red while she curses in your ear. 

This is the distraction you’ve been desperately searching for. To think you’d find it in your wife after all this time. 

“I’d be a whore for you,” She shamelessly seers against your throat, hands wandering to unbutton her own pants, “You know that, right?” 

… That’s cute. Makes you blush. 

“Yeah?” Her laugh is thick like syrup, “Gets you hot? Knowing how easily I’d give it up for you?” 

That sideways grin makes you tick. Your hand closes tight around her throat and she nearly bloodies her bottom lip with her fangs. Your wife looks pathetic; thumbs hooked into her pants, so ready to drop them for you in the middle of the parking lot. People are wandering about; she’s willing to fuck in front of them? 

How pretty would she look trying to be quiet for you? Nervous eyes searching for privacy, praying no one walks by and sees her on the edge with your hand down her underwear. Hopefully no one recognizes her, pulls out their phone, records the two of you. Blasts you both on social media while Ellie moans in your mouth. What would people think? Your families? How ashamed would they be? Their two girls making a mess of themselves in public. 

The thought makes you smile. Scares you. Makes you choke her harder. Her pained whine vibrates in your palm. 

“Get the fuck in the car.” 

The windows fog with the heat of your bodies; her body trapped beneath yours in the back seat that’s roomier than you anticipated. She rolls your hips on top of her, desperate and eager to rip your fucking clothes off and feel you for real. Your dress rests around your hips, your panties on display and she wishes she could see them. She only has her hands for reference, tracing over each thin seam littered with lace and patterns she tries to memorize. Your tongue belongs in her mouth. You feel so fucking good; you’re not close enough. She needs you closer. 

Her mouth chases yours when you finally separate, only connected by a thin string of saliva, but a stern hand collides with her chest to keep her flat. Her hands tickle your waist. Rests your dress even higher until she can see your belly button. 

“Wanna know a secret?” You whisper down at her, and she smirks. 

“I know you’re a virgin, baby.” She whispers giddily, and your teeth grit. A flame coils in your chest. You ignore her.

“You could’ve had me after our wedding, you know? With my face buried in the pillows and my ass in your face. I would’ve let you do whatever you wanted that night.” 

Your sudden vulgarity stuns her silent. Your wife looks like she’s imagining it; lip bruised from both your and her teeth, mind racing with filth of you in every position she can think of. She wouldn’t have been able to separate from you if that was the case. It’s one of the reasons she kept her distance; those pretty brown eyes rolled back would’ve put her underground. She’d never tell you that. 

“But no,” You say like it aches, “You wanted to go and bend over all those girls that follow you around like fucking dogs. You wanted a bitch, not a wife. Right or wrong?” 

She can barely breathe and your hand pressing on her chest isn’t helping; reduces her to sharp gasps that make her lightheaded. The more ragged they become, the harder you press. Your brow arches when she innocently bares her teeth. 

Her palms squeeze at your ass, “I thought about you the entire time—“

Your hand cracks and her head flies to the side. Right on her left cheek is the already reddening imprint of your hand. The crackles in your palm are numbed by the alcohol and your core burns at the shock on her face. She gawks off to the side, that meddling smile dropped completely, chest ragged with her breaths. 

“Ellie, put your hands down.” You spit, and they drop from you completely, palms flat on the seat beneath her. 

“You had every chance to do right by me and you wasted every single one.” You sound like you’re about to cry; Ellie’s too scared to look at you. Not the good scared that she’s felt around you this entire time, but a hollow scared. The one that freezes you. Her fight or flight is triggered. 

“I think you owe me an apology.” You whisper against her burning face before you kiss it gently. A pained groan escapes her, and you laugh. Loud, in her face. Even louder when she tries to grind her hips up into you. 

“Take us home, wife.” 

[awrkive]

tlp jk is def the type to absolutely sob when he sees oc walk down the aisle/when he’s trying to propose to her and it maybe just me but I feel like after that one year anniversary he’s like I’m wifing this girl DOWNN cause I feel like he lich has the ring and everyth ready to go he’s waiting he’s prepped 😭

here it is!!! #thee proposal drabble this is literally the cutest thing ever i wish love was real 😖🥹 hope u enj!!!!!!!!!!

summary: in which jungkook proposes and it doesn't start off well

w/c: 3.7k

warning/s: tlp couple is extremely in love that is a warning. they're also cry babies. listen to something by the beatles for the major feels 😔

“Baby,” Jungkook sighs, matching your pace. “Are we really fighting right now?” 

“No.” Is your stern response, continuing your quick steps without even bothering to look back at him. 

“I guess we are fighting right now.” Jungkook mumbles to himself, taking two big strides so he can finally catch up with you. 

You don’t pay him any attention when he slides his arm around your waist while the other holds the bag of large popcorn you bought a while ago, leaning down to kiss the side of your head. Jungkook doesn’t even care about the people passing by around the cinema; they have lives to care about on their own – he can kiss his girlfriend wherever and whenever he wants. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers in your hair, enough for only you to hear. 

There’s a crease on your forehead that hasn’t ceased ever since you left the restaurant you had your dinner at. But after a few beats, you let out a sigh. 

“I just really wanted to see the movie in IMAX.” you lament, and Jungkook feels bad. He really does. 

“I know, baby, I really am sorry,” he apologizes once again. “We can see it tomorro—” but he realizes you both have a full-time shift, so he opts for, “–next week?” 

“Jungkook, the screening ends in the next two days.” you say, tone bordering on annoyed now. You reel it back in, gently saying, “I just– I told you to hurry up earlier, but you kept on changing your hair even though– you know what, forget about it. Which cinema were we in, again?” 

Jungkook’s nerves begin to kick in, because you look like you’re genuinely upset now. He can tell it by the tone of your voice, the disappointment and the simmering irritation of having to deal with the situation. You don’t get angry often – no scratch that, you don’t get angry at all. However, it does come in withdrawal-like gestures and behavior – like now. 

And again, Jungkook really does feel bad for having to do what he did earlier. You weren’t able to purchase tickets online so you had to make do with buying on the actual booth – and because Jungkook took way too long in the comfort room of the restaurant fixing his hair, you arrived at the cinema way too late and the tickets for the last IMAX screening of the night ran out. It left you with no choice but to go with the regular one instead, and needless to say, you’re not at all that happy about that. 

Well, shit. Jungkook thinks. This date is not going well at all. The waitress at the restaurant you ate at a while ago openly flirted with him on your table and he was too stunned to do something that you had to tell her off by yourself. That had obviously taken a hit on your mood, and the cinema thing just kind of maybe amplified it and Jungkook thinks he’s beginning to get fucked.

“I’ll make up it up to you, baby–” 

“The tickets, Jungkook.” 

Jungkook purses his lips into a thin line and gives them to you.

You walk alongside each other quietly, but Jungkook doesn’t let go of your waist while you head towards the dark and quiet hallway, leading to the seats. You don’t pry his hand off so maybe – maybe – that’s a good thing. 

But god, this night isn’t going well like he wanted it to be. Suddenly, he’s nervous again. More nervous that he was in the shower awhile ago when you were still prepping for the date back at home. He’s anxious about fucking the whole thing up, and sure, he could trust his track record of never fucking up when it comes to doing big things in his life, but this is different. This will be different. And he’s just so fucking scared that he checks on his watch again. 

8:22pm. 

Eight minutes before the movie starts in your cinema. And eight minutes more before the–

“Jungkook,” You call him, and he’s just in the middle of pushing the seat down for you when you do so. He looks at you. Confused, you ask, “Do you have somewhere to go?” 

“Huh?”

“You keep on looking at your watch. You have been since we were at the restaurant.” 

Jungkook’s eyes widen and he’s thankful there’s barely any lights in the hall.

“I– no. No.” He shakes his head, placing down the bag of popcorn in the middle and takes your hand instead, interlocking your fingers. “I’m sorry, did I keep doing that?” He asks consciously.

He’s really fucking this up, and you’re noticing it. 

“Yes, it’s bothering me a little,” You shuffle in your seat a little, facing Jungkook. Softly, you ask, “Do you wanna go home? We can ditch the movie. I’m sorry for being a dickhead the whole night. It’s not an excuse but I really wanted to watch this movie in IMAX… but it’s fine. I’m not mad at you. I’m just in a… mood. And I know I’m taking it out on you. I’m sorry. I’m being so unappreciative over here – I know you were supposed to work on your research–”

“Hey,” Jungkook stops you before you can even finish that. “No, baby. This is our date. I don’t wanna go home yet and I’m genuinely really sorry for missing the IMAX screening.” He’d add he didn’t mean to take long in the comfort room earlier… but that would be a lie. He intended to do that so you can both arrive here on time like planned. 

You purse your lips into a thin line. “Still… I’m sorry for being a little bitch.” 

“Not true. You’re an angel.” Jungkook says and brings your interlocked hands up to kiss your knuckles. “Love you.” 

You frown. “Love you too.” 

That earns you a hearty chuckle from him. “I love you more.” 

“Not that again.” You sigh, turning sideways to look ahead on the screen but not breaking away from his hold. 

Jungkook contains his smile as his gaze falls to the big screen as well, nerves crumbling down a little at the exchange. You’re the only person who can make him nervous but the only one who can take it away at the same time. 

“Huh,” you utter suddenly in the middle of some trailer playing. “It’s so weird there’s only a few people here.”

At that, Jungkook’s heart rate picks up a bit. “Y-yeah? Well, it’s late at night.” 

“Fair.” 

“And this movie’s not really new, right? Just an anniversary screening thing.” Jungkook continues to add, as if determined to justify your claim. 

You nod. “I guess you’re right.” 

“Yep.” 

His phone lights up and you’re busy sipping on your drink so Jungkook takes that as an opportunity to check the messages he received.

tae [8:28pm]: starting in 2

tae [8:28pm]: good luck buddy

Jungkook swipes his tongue over his lips – a nervous habit – quickly turning it off and pocketing the device. He places his arm on the arm rest and taps his fingers on the plastic surface anxiously. 

It feels like there’s a ticking clock above his head when the trailer finally ends, because he knows the thing should start rolling. 

And Jungkook swears he’s prepared for this for so many weeks. Months for the matter. It’s now May and the ring has been bought since February. What was once tucked away from the depths of his closet is now snugged in the pockets of his trouser, deep enough that you couldn’t pinpoint the bulging outline of the box.

Jungkook originally planned for you both to be out of the country when he does it. But things got really hectic at the hospital and while he personally could’ve still taken a leave, you couldn’t. Jungkook brought up the idea of vacationing a little, “Just for a week,”, he said, but then you sadly told him that you couldn’t even if you wanted to and he understood that greatly. He’s in the same line of work, after all. 

So, with what seemed to be the nth deliberation with Doyeon, Taehyung, and Nayeon, he ultimately decided on this set-up. You know; trick you into going to the mall with him so you can pass by the cinema and he successfully executes the proposal seamlessly. But obviously, it didn’t go as smoothly as that.

After your dinner, you impulsively decided that you wanted to watch a movie in IMAX, but it starts at exactly as Jungkook’s proposal, and so he had to compromise a little bit; the admittedly poor (but effective) solution coming in the form of intentionally staying a little longer in the comfort room of the restaurant just so you two would be lat. 

And Jungkook swears it’s for a good reason! Because everything’s prepped and ready to roll and he can’t have himself waste another perfect opportunity. He remembers almost popping the question three months ago, two months ago, month ago, few weeks ago and heck, even last night – but he’d always get cold feet and think the time wasn’t right. 

Right now, though, is different. 

And he wants it so badly to be different.

Good thing you settled things quickly. Now that his being late is past you, he can be a little more confident in what he’s about to do. 

The next trailer shows up and Jungkook sits upright, knowing what’s coming. He has it memorized, down to each frame. He was the one who edited it, after all, a product of his humble multimedia skills, that is. Jungkook could’ve gone to a professional but he really wanted to do it himself, scared they wouldn’t be able to tell you what he wanted to. And so he did. The gang also told him that it would be better if he did it himself.

And now he’s showing it to you – you, who’s completely clueless beside him. 

It starts as a bit of a misdirect. There’s an intro from a famous movie studio, and a scene from a real movie – and so of course you don’t suspect anything, as Jungkook could say from his peripheral view.

Suddenly, the screen goes black. It causes a pregnant pause, stretched to exactly five seconds (again, Jungkook edited that), and then, a familiar clip suddenly plays. 

It’s a video of you taken from Jungkook’s camcorder back in med school. First year, around the second semester. You were at Moon’s Printing Shop and you were looking down at your notes when Jungkook, behind the camera, called your name. 

You looked up, hair messy from an all-nighter study but Jungkook’s certain the Jungkook behind the scene was still thinking you were the prettiest girl he’s ever seen just like he’s thinking now. 

“Who would you wanna be if you were given the chance to be somebody else in your next life?” 

You grimace. “Hopefully, still me.” 

“So boring,” Jungkook exaggerated, his laughter reverberating in the hall of the theater. “Be serious.” 

You looked flustered in the video. “I’m serious. I don’t wanna be somebody else.” 

In his seat, Jungkook feels the real you sitting beside him tugging at your enclosed hands together, so he looks at you. 

“Jungkook, what is this?” You say, evidently unaware of what’s currently happening, your brows furrowed in that cute confusion. 

“Just something I’ve been working on for the past three months.” he smiles, bringing your hands together to his lips again. He just couldn’t stop kissing and touching you even if he tries.

You stare at him with your mouth agape, but you don’t say anything else, your gaze falling back to the screen once again. 

“Okay, since you don’t wanna play this game I wanna be Darth Vader.” Jungkook said in the video. 

“What? The evil guy from Star Wars?” You frowned. “That’s not… hmm… okay. I guess I wanna be… Spongebob, then.” 

“Oh. Wow. Interesting. Alright, Darth Vader’s out. I wanna be Patrick instead.” 

“I like that. So we’ll still be bestfriends, right?” 

“Yeah. And I still get to stress you out even in the next life.” 

That made you laugh, the warm burst of laughter filling the hall which makes Jungkook’s lips curl up as he watches the screen. He can never get tired of it; your smile, your laugh, your face as it lights up. There’s something so incredibly angelic about you he sometimes thinks you’re not human at all. Or maybe just part-human… nonetheless, he feels grateful. For literally everything. 

Something in the way she moves…

The video transitions to another reel of you taken by Jungkook while The Beatles’ Something plays in the background. 

"Oh my god..." Jungkook hears you gasp beside him, but he doesn't allow himself to break just yet. Instead, he tightens his grip on your hand, feeling your response as you hold on just as firmly.

The screen continues to show candid moments of you from med school. All recorded and taken by Jungkook; the trips you took during that time, that rave party you went to where you got extremely drunk – and when that showed up, you giggled beside him and said, “I told you to delete that.”, which he just laughed at. 

Later on, the clips got more recent, you in your lilac dress and Jungkook’s white tux… it was a video of you dancing in Nayeon’s wedding. 

“W-wha–… I didn’t – who took that?” You whisper, sounding in awe. 

“Nayeon was apparently recording from the stage at that time.” Jungkook says, looking at you and smiling when he sees that you have your eyes glued to the screen. 

“This is so…” you trail off, but you don’t really say anything in continuation. 

Recent videos of you play, capturing moments from the two years you’ve been together. There’s that clip in Vienna, a few in Florence, Paris, Melbourne... It’s surreal to think that he captured those memories, never imagining they’d be used for something like this. 

Something in the way she knows

And all I have to do is think of her

Something in the things she shows me

I don't want to leave her now

You know I believe and how

The song fades to an end and so did the compilation of your videos. The screen shows Jungkook this time instead. He leaned towards the camera, checked the optics, and then smiled a little. From the background, you know it was taken by the wall of his room, near the window because you can see the Sanrio plushie you put on the table beside there. It’s a little out of frame but you can still recognize it. 

Then, he spoke. 

“Uhm, hi,” He started, and you hold your breath, feeling like you’re on the edge of your seat but not in that anxious way. “I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I’m thinking of doing this video… for my proposal – and ah, my proposal – wait, I really should’ve written a script for this but I wanted this to be natural as much as possible and I’m going off-track so we’ll move on to what I really wanna say,” 

You can’t help but laugh at that, and you hear Jungkook joining in with you. 

“__, you’re the love of my life. You’re my lover, but you’re my best friend most of all. I look back on the times we’ve spent together – a decade. There was no time in those years that I didn’t thank my lucky stars for knowing and meeting you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I really hope you know how much I love you because no matter how hard I try to put it into action and words, no amount of it would tell you how I truly feel.” A pause. Then he took out something from his pocket. Raising his hand, a red velvet box appeared in the frame. He was about to open it when suddenly, your voice is heard behind the camera. 

“Jungkook?” 

Jungkook quickly pocketed the box, and the camera shook a little, the angle now distorted, probably due to his panic upon hearing your voice. 

“Yes, baby?” The audio played. 

“You were doing something?” 

“Nah. Just trying out my new camera.” Jungkook said. 

“Oh. Lemme see.” 

The camera got picked up, and Jungkook switched the camera to you.

In your seat, you nibble on your bottom lip upon seeing your own face this time, a poor attempt to stop your jaw from breaking apart because you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling watching the whole thing. 

“Pretty girl.” You hear Jungkook say behind the recorder. His hand came up to caress your face in the video, thumb rubbing over your cheek. “I love you.” 

You looked confused at first but then you told him, anyway, “I love you too.” 

You leaned down, and the video gets switched out to another one of Jungkook on a different day. 

“Sorry the video got interrupted by my gorgeous girlfriend.”

You both laugh at that, and as if on cue, your eyes meet – silently acknowledging that you’re thinking the same thing. In that shared glance, it's clear you both understand how things escalated in that moment, that night – how that kiss turned into something more.

“I just wanted to say that, uh, I love her. No, you, I’m talking to you–” He sighed in the clip, and you can’t help but chuckle. “Anyway. I love you. I love you so much, baby. More than anything else in the world. I feel like I don’t say it enough although Taehyung teases me about convulsing if I can’t say it to you for no longer than five minutes – he’s probably right but that’s not the point. What I wanna say is – again – is that, I love you, __. And I want to spend the rest of my lifetime with you. I wanna grow old with you. Spend every day and every night with you. I want us to wake up together every morning, make our breakfast together, go to work together, do laundry together, our taxes – man, I don’t know. Anything. I just want to do anything and everything with you. Maybe adopt a dog in the near future, if you want to, that is. You’re probably gonna be watching this in the theater by this moment – god I hope I don’t fuck the whole thing up, the gang is gonna be so pissed – but I’ll drop the question for you and I know we already talked about it many times before and two months ago you said you were ready if I was also ready. I couldn’t tell you I’ve been ready since the first week we started dating. But I hope… what you felt two months ago is still what you feel right now…” 

Then, the big screen fades to black, and suddenly, a few lights in the hall flicker on, illuminating Jungkook—now on his knees. In his hand is a red velvet box, now open, revealing a stunning ring that’s so beautiful it leaves your jaw slack.

He clears his throat. “__, you’re my best friend. Have been and always will be. You’re my home, my partner. I will love you for as long as you let me and–” Jungkook doesn’t mean it but there’s suddenly a lump in his throat that forms along the way and he has to choke it back, making his voice crack a little bit as he looks into your eyes. “– and I really want to live all my remaining years with you and be yours forever.” He bites his lip, looks up at you with those doe eyes you love so much. Then, the question comes, “Can I be your husband?” 

“Jungkook…” You look down at him, your mouth opening and closing, lost for words. You’ve passed the point of holding back tears, and when your eyes meet his—so full of sincerity and revere—you completely break. “Y-yes. Yes! One hundred percent yes,” you manage to say through your sobs, nodding fervently as your vision blurs from the tears streaming down your face.

As soon as you say that, all the lights in the room turn on and there’s a holler from the direction of the projection room that you can’t help but look at. 

“Congrats!” 

You gasp as you see Doyeon and Nayeon. They’re both waving at you with huge grins on their faces. Genuinely surprised and confused at the same time, you start to look around, and suddenly, you realize that everybody is literally… your family. Taehyung, your dad, your mom, your sister and Seokjin all occupy the front rows, and in front of them are Jungkook’s own family as well. From afar, you see Jungkook’s father coming up to give your dad a hug which he reciprocates as they laugh together. 

Your eyes are drawn back to Jungkook. 

“Jungkook… they’re all here,” you say, struggling to hold back the onslaught of tears. They won’t stop.

And at this point, Jungkook can’t help it. Not anymore. He sees you crying and he can’t help but do it as well. He sniffs, taking your hand and kissing the back of your palm.

“Yes, baby. Everybody is here.”

“Baby, why are you crying?” You ask him despite yourself.

Jungkook chuckles in between his tears, swiping a hand on his eyes. “I’m just so happy. You make me so happy. Thank you. Thank you for saying yes.”

That makes you cry even more, earning another laugh from Jungkook but it’s filled with endearment. Slowly, he takes your hand and you watch teary-eyed as he finally inserts the ring around your ring finger. 

The diamond-encrusted band, with a larger diamond glimmering in the center, fits perfectly around your finger. You stare at it in awe, admiring how gorgeous it looks—trying to recall a time when Jungkook measured your finger to make it fit so flawlessly. But you can't remember, and you don't mind at all, instead looking up at him as he stands to his feet.

"I love you, Jungkook. I really do," you say with all the sincerity in your heart, hoping he knows as much.

"I can't wait to marry you," he replies, his voice full of emotion before he pulls you into his arms and leans down to kiss you gently on the lips. It’s soft and it’s sweet just like the love he’s given you all these years.

A cheer erupts around you, and normally, you'd feel shy about kissing in front of your family. But this time, you don’t feel embarrassed at all.

It’s just you and Jungkook. Bound for a lifetime of unadulterated love.

[btsvt-bar]

crazy over you

pairing ꩜ vampire dom!seungcheol x bunny hybrid shy sub!female reader x vampire dom!jeonghan

synopsis ꩜ one night, you decide to ignore your masters’ rules and sneak out to see your friends. however, the results of being caught aren’t exactly nice.

content/genre ꩜ yandere, hybrid oc, threesome, afab!reader, smut (18+ mdni)

author's note ꩜ not proofread.

sorry if something is a bit weird! it’s my first time writing an au like this so it took me a while to get used to the characters and i also read a bit of other people’s works to try to create my own universe 🥺

comments are appreciated! lmk what you think ♡

warnings under the cut!

warnings ꩜ smut, threesome, hybrid, vampirism, oral (f. receiving), masturbation (f. receiving), dacryphilia, overstimulation, edging, pet names (hers: princess, sweetheart, baby, little bunny | his: master - seungcheol, sir - jeonghan), ears sensivity, punishment sex, yandere seungcheol and jeonghan, biting. lmk if i forgot something important.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

It was a cold November night when you first met Seungcheol and Jeonghan. You were walking home from work, all by yourself. For a few weeks, you had been having a feeling you're being followed, your bunny senses alerting you danger was near. But, every time you looked back, the streets were empty.

Initially, you thought you were being paranoid. Except you weren’t. That night, when you were hours away from your heat striking, the vampires presented themselves and offered to help you. And you, with a fuzzy mind clouded by lust, accepted their help.

They had the energy to bang you hard for as long as you needed. The next two days were dedicated to satiating all of your carnal desires. The vampire duo fucked you into unconsciousness, you slept for a few hours and woke up to do it all over again. In the few moments you weren't sleeping or getting railed, they fed and showered you. When you came back to your senses, you thought it was cute of them, and saw their actions as caring.

You started to learn more about them. Seungcheol's the oldest one, the master. He turned Jeonghan a long time ago, at his request, and they've been friends ever since. They got along really well, one being almost an extension of the other.

They were nice to you, showered you with gifts and attention. That's how they caught you in their web. You were so blinded by the things that shine, you didn't see the warning signs until it was too late. It was when you first disobeyed them that you saw them for what they are: dangerous predators.

To your shock, you found out they had been stalking you for a long time, and how deeply obsessed they were. You found a box full of objects you deemed as lost, from hair clips, to pajamas, unfinished books and even used underwear. It scared you, but it also mesmerized you in the same proportion.

Jeonghan caught you going through their—well, your—stuff and things got ugly. Him and Seungcheol punished you that night, overworking your body like never before, but not before scaring the living shit out of you. The following day, after you woke up, they acted like it never happened, except from one snarky remark from Seungcheol: "If you ever disobey us again, we won't be so forgiving".

You did your best to be a good girl, partially because you liked them and the perks of them taking care of you, partially because you were scared of what they could do. As time passed, they became increasingly more possessive. Seungcheol more than Jeonghan, and you assumed it has something to do with their creator-creature dynamic.

Seungcheol acted like he was more entitled to you. Like you were his first, and Jeonghan's second. He bossed both of you around any chance he got. The youngest vampire didn't seem to mind, unless it had to do with you. You swear you've seen him rolling his eyes when the other made some possessive remark.

Even with all the issues, you became attached. On the days they were in an exceptionally good mood, you were allowed to call them Cheol and Hannie, like they referred to the other. You tried your best to earn the right, aiming to please them as much as you could.

Now, you've been living with them for over a year. You're used to their house rules, to their moody humor.

This morning, you opened your eyes to Seungcheol waking you up for college. He allowed you to keep attending, and one of them always followed you around, hidden in the shadows. As soon as your brain started functioning again, you remembered you wanted to ask him something.

You have this friend, Minghao, who's a bunny hybrid like you. You don't have many bunny hybrid friends, your species being a rare one. Obviously, you want to be close to him. But Cheol and Hannie don't like him, and told you to stay away.

You decided to ask one more time if you could go to Minghao's birthday party. As soon as the words came out of your mouth, Seungcheol broke a mug with his bare hands.

"I told you, you can't. Don't push me, princess" he barked as he shot you a glacial look. His dark red eyes glistened with anger, so you apologized and left for college at once.

Jeonghan's the one following you around, but he usually keeps his distance. You know he's there somewhere, but you also feel like he gives you a little bit more privacy than Seungcheol does.

You try your best not to pout sadly when your friends start talking about their plans for the night.

"Why the sad face, Y/N?" Jun, a cat hybrid, asks when he notices you went quiet.

"It's sad I'm not able to go."

"Why don't you sneak out?" Minnie suggests. "We can pick you up and drop you off after."

"They'll be in the house, it's impossible." You explain, kind of wishing that Cheol and Hannie had some vampire meeting or whatever to attend to.

"It's ok, we can have lunch to celebrate tomorrow." Minghao reassures you with a kind smile and you try your best to return the gesture, but you're sure you just made a weird face.

You spot Jeonghan waiting by a tree, so you say your goodbyes and go home.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

It seemed some higher being decided to make your wish come true. A few hours later, Seungcheol told you him and Jeonghan had to go out. He didn't give a reason, and you didn't ask.

You decided to give voice to your insanity and that's the reason why you sneaked out when the clock hit 7pm. You know Seungcheol said no to your request, but you decided to ignore him and go to Minghao's birthday party anyway.

You were excited to see Minghao. He's the first bunny hybrid you're able to be friends with, and you wanted to be close to him all the time.

So, to make sure you wouldn't get caught by your vampire owners, you decided to be back by 10pm. Whenever they went out, they'd stay out until dawn. If they never caught you, you'd be fine.

Obviously, that's not what happens.

You close the window shut with a quiet thud, thinking you succeeded in your scapade. But then, much to your horror, your bedlight flickers on.

Seungcheol sports a calm expression. Which, by experience, is much worse than him looking angry. A hundred times worse. Jeonghan is nowhere to be seen, and that's also bad news.

"Had fun?" His voice comes out in a controlled tone. He stands up from the corner chair he was sitting on, and you unconsciously take a step back, hitting the closed window. "Did he enjoy seeing you?"

You stay silent, afraid of saying the wrong thing.

"What's his name again?" Seungcheol muses, his head pending to the side as he analyses your outfit. You put on a cute pink dress, one that highlighted your boobs. Also, you curled your hair a bit and it looked really angelic framing your face and black bunny ears.

"I think it's Minghao." You're startled by Jeonghan's voice. He entered the room so silently, you didn't even notice him leaning against the doorframe. "He smells horrid, if you ask me".

You see Seungcheol's nose flaring a bit, his vampire sense scenting the funky smell on you from the distance. He wrinkled his nose, disgusted by it. "Did you let him touch you, princess?"

You shake your head. Minghao did try to kiss you when you bid him goodbye, but you dodged him. This voice inside your head—one you were sure wasn't actually yours—reprimanded you by saying your master would be pissed off.

"Bunny got your tongue?" Jeonghan's venous voice reaches you. "Answer us when we ask you something".

"I didn't". You answer while looking down, too scared to face them. "I just gave him a birthday hug, nothing more. I swear." Your whole body trembles so much, it's amazing how your quiet voice didn't come out shaky as well.

Seungcheol approaches you. You see his toes in front of you, and keep still, waiting for his next move. Both vampires can clearly scent your fear and Jeonghan—who's usually the cruelest one when annoyed—let's out an amused laugh.

"It's her clothes that reek" the older vampire says while looking at his friend.

"Make her take them off, then." Jeonghan suggests. "She looks better naked, anyways".

Seungcheol rips the dress off of your body and you let out a surprised squeal. The vampire discards the destroyed clothing to the side. You're trembling harder, so he pets your bunny ears to calm you down.

"Or you could do that." Jeonghan comments and licks his lips at the sight of your exposed breasts. "I think you should punish her".

Mentally, you curse Jeonghan. Him and his damned sharp tongue. You would never dare to say it out loud, but sometimes you really hated the youngest vampire in the room. Being the oldest of them, Cheol was always the one to call the shots. Although, Jeonghan usually made sure to bring his input to every situation.

"I think so too. After all, she did go against my orders, didn't she?"

You muster courage to shoot a dirty look at Jeonghan. His wicked smile gets bigger, finding your reaction amusing.

"You know what's coming, don't you princess?" Cheol pulls the waistband of your panties and let it snap back on your skin. You let out a whine that makes both vampires laugh quietly.

"I know, master." You easily fall into your submission role, feeling his power irradiating towards you. Seungcheol hums in a satisfied way.

"Get in position, sweetheart." He commands and you scramble around to lay down on your back on your shared bed. You slide your panties off, stripping completely. You spread your legs a bit, inviting Seungcheol over.

"Did you get it?" The older vampire glances at his friend. Jeonghan nods and reveals the black vibrator he’d went to fetch before your arrival.

Your pussy tingles at the sight of it, your body remembering the way the rubber toy made you feel. Some slick comes out of your cunt, and you feel uncomfortable being so exposed. You hadn’t noticed, being too scared to think of anything else, but the whole situation also got you really wet for the vampires in front of you.

Meanwhile, Cheol runs his fingers on your wet folds, and starts to finger you slowly. Wet noises fill the room, and you whimper quietly at the stimulation. He neglects your clit, making you grow frustrated. When he feels he’s stretched you out enough, he turns the vibrator on.

"You know the drill. If you cum, things will get ugly." He states as he slides the toy into you. The buzzing feels good, and you know you’re gonna have a hard time. Seungcheol replaces his hand with yours and you start moving the toy in and out of you. "Have fun, but not too much". With that, him and Jeonghan leave your shared bedroom.

You know they’ll be listening from the room next door, and you can't help but let out a few moans and whimpers. Out of all punishments they came up with, having you play with yourself while using sex toys and not being allowed to cum is the most challenging one. You had to edge yourself for the time they wanted, and if you failed to not cum, they’d be really, really, hard on you.

"Keep playing with yourself, baby" Jeonghan commands from the other room, his voice ringing in your head and reaching you in the middle of your fuzzy thoughts. You search around for the vibrator you let slip off of your hands, and place it on your clit.

You’re not sure how much time has passed, but you’re toeing around the edge for what it feels like the hundredth time and it’s getting harder and harder to resist your orgasm.

A few more minutes pass by and Seungcheol enters the room. Your mind is cloudy and your legs shaking uncontrollably. Your pussy feels swollen and unbearably wet. "Time’s up." He announces and you stop your ministrations on yourself.

Once again, Jeonghan’s leaning against the door frame. The youngest vampire waits for Seungcheol’s instructions.

"You did well for us, princess." Seungcheol praises you and pets your bunny ears again. You already feel spent, your eyes closing happily as he caresses your sensitive ears.

"Thank you, master".

The vampire manhandles you so you’re laying on your stomach. He puts a pillow under you for support, and now your ass is up and exposed.

"Hannie?" The oldest calls for the other. Jeonghan hums. "Do you want to go first?"

Jeonghan practically runs to you. The mattress sinks when he hops on the bed, getting closer. His cold hands grab your ass and you shiver from the temperature difference. "What do you want me to do?"

Seungcheol sits on the corner chair again, choosing to just observe for now. "Punish her any way you want".

Another shiver runs down your spine. Jeonghan is a wild card, he can do literally anything. The vampire takes his time to undress, choosing to stay with his black boxers on.

He starts by running his hand on your back, enjoying how soft and warm your skin feels. "Is my little bunny scared?" He blows the question in your year, making you shiver again. You nod in agreement.

"Don’t be. I’ll punish you, but you’ll like it." His breathy laugh makes your cheeks heat up with the memory of all punishments you enjoyed before.

He spreads your butt cheeks and licks a long stripe from your clit to your entrance, collecting your juices with his tongue. You whine loudly, already feeling so good. His hands grip you so tightly you’re sure you’ll have bruises tomorrow, but it slips out of your mind when Jeonghan’s tongue prods at your entrance.

You clench slightly and he chuckles at the sight, loving how responsive you are. Pulling you up a bit, Jeonghan lays on the bed and positions himself on his back with his face directly under your dripping cunt.

The vampire starts to make out with your pussy, sucking and nibbling and licking at his own pace. You press yourself down on his face, trying to get as much pleasure as you could. He slips two fingers in and you mewl his name.

"Si-ir I’m re-really close" your crying out comes as a stutter, your mind barely registers what you want to say. Jeonghan knows your body well enough to edge you until you’re nearly exploding, only to pull away and leave you frustrated once again.

When he moves from his position, your body falls limp on the mattress. A desperate shriek leaves your lips, tears threatening to fall from your lust hazed eyes.

"Crying already?" Jeonghan coos in a mocking tone. "We haven’t even started yet, baby." He gives your butt a light slap and you feel the vampire move around the bed.

The buzzing of the vibrator reaches your ears again, and you try to brace yourself for what’s coming next.

Jeonghan flips you so you’re on your back again. He starts slowly, moving the toy around on your sensitive skin. He spreads your legs a bit and teases your folds, running it up and down. Then, he lightly rubs it on your clit, sending shockwaves through your body. You can feel your bunny ears twitch with pleasure and Jeonghan notices too, so he reaches out and pets them in an almost loving manner.

"Sir, please" you beg him to do something, anything. You just needed him to put out the fire running through your veins.

"What do we think, Cheollie?"

Suddenly you’re reminded of the presence of the other vampire. You’ve been so consumed by Jeonghan and his ministrations that you literally forgot about him.

"She can take more." His voice is cold and uninterested.

Jeonghan’s wicked smile is painted by your juices. He looks beautiful with your slick all over his mouth and chin, and you can only think about how he’d look covered in blood.

"So come help me then" the youngest one calls. Seungcheol sighs, annoyed at his friend.

"You can never do things on your own, can you?"

You feel the power shift when the oldest vampire approaches. He exudes an energy that’s different from Jeonghan’s. It’s almost suffocating to your senses, but it also turns you on even more. You feel more slick dripping out and running down your ass, wetting the bedsheets.

"Get behind her." Seungcheol instructs and Jeonghan silently positions himself.

You shiver from the contrast of your burning back against his cold chest. The oldest sinks two fingers in and starts to stimulate you. His thumb lightly grazes against your clit, making your legs tremble each time. Jeonghan pinches your nipples and you let out a moan, clenching around Seungcheol’s fingers.

"She likes it, Hannie. Do it again" the vampire chuckles as he rubs the gummy spot inside your cunt. The youngest keeps pinching and pulling on your nipples, the slight pain making you even hornier.

The duo keeps stimulating you until you're on edge again. Pitifully, you think this time they'll let you cum. But they don't, so you cry from overstimulation once again.

"Shhh, don't cry" Seungcheol wipes your tears away and gives you a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Don't complain now. You did this to yourself when you decided to disobey me".

Your whole body tingles with desire, making you feel uncomfortable. You're slumped against Jeonghan, who's running his hands on your sides to soothe you, trying your best to calm down a little. Seungcheol kisses your neck, holding himself back from biting you.

"How do you want her?" Cheol directs his gaze to his friend. Their wine red orbs meet.

"Actually, I wanna watch you two" the youngest flashes a lazy smile.

Seungcheol chuckles, amused by his friend's voyeur nature. "As you wish".

Jeonghan goes to the corner chair and the other vampire takes over. With ease, he folds your legs to your chest and enters you without warning. He slides in easily, his girth stretching your inner walls to a point it burned. But you love every second of the tortuous sliding.

Seungcheol picks up his pace, ramming you fast and hard. The slight pain quickly turns to pleasure, and in no time you're whimpering and crying again. You look to your left and see Jeonghan masturbating, his sleek fingers moving at an inhuman speed.

The youngest's voice rings in your head, commanding you to run your nails on Seungcheol's back. You follow promptly, making the vampire hiss on your ear. Your hands travel down his back and grab his butt. Your nails leave crescent marks on his skin.

Cheol changes his angle a bit and now his pelvic bone hits your clit every time he pushes in. For the hundredth time of the day, you hang on the edge of reaching your high. But you aren't allowed to let go yet.

"Ask him to bite you" that voice you don't recognize as yours whispers. You panic a little, because they never bit you before. However, the idea seems appealing.

"Cheol" your voice comes out hoarse from all the moaning.

"What is it, princess? Are you ready to beg for your release?"

"Bite me, please."

Your words shock him a bit, making his pace falter. You hear Jeonghan cursing with a small laugh.

"Ask again" the voice commands and you obey.

Seungcheol licks your neck, just above your pulsing vein. He allows his fangs to come out and sink them on your skin. It stings, and your body involuntarily shakes and tries to escape. But he's experienced and knows how to lock you in place. He starts to suck on your neck, gulping large amounts of your sweet blood. Meanwhile, his hips keep fucking you, now in a slow, sensual pace.

You didn't think it would be possible, but his actions make everything more erotic. You start to take pleasure from being fed on. He pulls away, some blood smeared on his mouth and chin.

"Come over, Hannie" he calls the other vampire and Jeonghan appears by your side with a blink of an eye.

Jeonghan sucks harshly, drawing more blood out of you. He groans and trembles, feeling a rush of energy given by your blood. After taking another sip, he pulls away and licks your neck to heal you.

The man’s lips are tinted with a copperish red, making him look dangerous. Both his and Seungcheol’s eye glisten, the fresh blood in their veins accenting their red irises.

Reaching out, Jeonghan plays with your clit. "You can cum now, sweetheart" his smile looks devilish tainted with blood.

"Go ahead, princess" Seungcheol also gives you permission. Almost instantly, you let go. Your body shakes and trembles, your mind being lifted from your body. You cum so hard, you nearly pass out. You only see white behind your eyelids, and your blood pressure drops to the ground.

It takes a while for you to get back. When you regain a little of your senses, you feel both your vampires shoot their hot cum on your belly. They’re grunting, finishing themselves off before lying down on your side.

You don’t know how many minutes have passed by before Jeonghan gets up. You hear him turning on the faucet and the water running. He enters the room and picks you up, being careful not to spill all the spunk that’s resting on your belly. The vampire wipes it off before placing you on the bathtub.

The water feels nice against your sore muscles, and you relax against the border. You wait for Seungcheol to appear, but the water goes cold and you decide it’s better to get off.

Jeonghan carries you back to your shared bedroom. The oldest vampire is there, looking fresh out of the shower, so you assume he used the bathroom down the hallway.

You crawl to the middle of the bed, waiting for him to allow you to cuddle him.

"Come here, princess" he calls and you practically jump him. Jeonghan joins you both, and the three of you cuddle.

"You better obey us next time" Seungcheol’s voice comes out venomous, even while he pets your ears. "We won’t be so forgiving".

"Yes, master".

You didn’t know then, but Seungcheol asserted his dominance over you even more when he bit you.

"Sleep well, little bunny" Jeonghan presses a kiss to your forehead and you feel your eyelids heavy.

Like every night, the vampires stay awake, watching you sleep.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

© btsvt-bar, 2024

m.list ♡

[alilobsessive]

Dreaming of Teeth

2

When experiencing great trauma the human brain will do anything to keep itself functioning, even to the detriment of the other body parts. The harm to your body doesn’t matter, just that the brain feels safe. For every human this can function in many ways, over eating, under eating, over sleeping, daydreaming and in your case alcoholism. You aren’t unaware that your coping mechanisms are dangerous, especially in a city like Gotham. But you can’t bring yourself to care, you’ll take anything then the anger and sadness that courses through your brain when you have time to think. So you indulge in your vices, even if they will lead you to an early grave.

You have done a great job at it too, of course that is until coming home from a party you run into one of the many people you prayed you would never see again. One of your many, many siblings.

Or

I just wanted to see a Batfam and Neglected! Reader fic we’re Reader had AWFUL coping mechanisms when dealing with their trauma.

Tw: Prominent OC usage, unreliable narrator but it’s not super obvious, Under aged drinking, Canon Typical Child Death (Jason), Canon Typical Child Undeath (Jason), Not Canon Typical Child Death (Unnamed Child OC), slight sexual content with unnamed character at the beginning, implied criminal activity, mention of organ harvesting, referenced underaged smoking, unspecified criminal activity, implied homelessness, references to drugs and sex but no actual drugs and sex, okay there is weed smoking, child abandonment, spousal abandonment, child neglect, spousal neglect, cheating, references to Red Hood typical murderers and the people who are usually his victims(rapist, traffickers you know the drill). Probably more things I haven’t realized count as tw or forgot to add. Idk I went into a fugue state at 10pm and when I came to it was 4am and I wrote a good chunk of this. Then spent like two weeks editing this, there might be some spelling and grammar errors, I am very dyslexic.

——————

Lights flashes around the room colorful and bright, your lips tangle with a strangers, back pressed against a wall. Arms wrapped around the neck of someone you have not met before today and someone who you will never see again after. Sitting next to you glancing over every few seconds is your roommate and while you would not call Phoebe your best she is your closest. The young woman isn’t as big of a fan of clubs and parties such as this one, but every night she dutifully comes. Just to make sure you’re safe in the dark Gotham streets. A sentiment you truly appreciate, a type of care and love you have never experienced before her.

You lightly moan as the stranger grinds against you, both your breaths smelling of alcohol. You’re brain muddled, only thinking about how good you feel. Dumb and giggling, not a worry to be had, just like you like it. But sadly before anything could go further, your phone's alarm went off, the most dreaded part of the night. A reminder that all this must be over, and responsibilities must come. With a wet pop as you separated from tonight’s partner and a whine of sorrow you reach into your jacket pocket for your phone, the drunken stranger takes this as an invitation to go for your neck. Leaving feather light kisses across it, with a small giggle you lightly push them back. They oblige with a whispered “aww come on baby” you feel nothing as they say this, but you desperately want to.

Turning off the alarm that normally is a loud blare, but with the mind numbing beat of the music, so loud you can feel it against the wall. With a pout and you whine out “I know” while looking up at them clearly disappointed. “I would love to stay with you longer” you would, you don’t want the buzz to go away. “But I have to go” reaching over next to yourself quietly, your roommate hands your glass over. It’s slightly warm from being lovingly guarded in her hands. You chug the rest of it down, the bitter sting as it goes down your throat a soothing balm to all your troubles, including leaving. “Aaw, at least call me later” they pout, with a drunken giggle and sweet voice “of course!” You say happily and once again press your lips against there’s. It’s a desperate thing, a reluctance to leave their grasp. But you pull away anyway, knowing that the second they put a hand back on your hips you’ll have to be pried off.

The alarm is a clear indication that that's not what sober you wanted. They wanted you out by 10, so you will be out by 10. Stumbling away and then turning back around to blow them another kiss, they wave back almost dreamily before being dragged away themselves by their own drunken friend. Neither of you have the other's phone number, let alone know each other’s name. Neither of you seem to notice or care. Phoebe is already at your side, quietly dragging you out of the club. Once you’re onto the sidewalk you slump onto her. “I wanted to spend more time there” you slur out with a pout, but she only rolls her eyes. The woman was definitely not dressed for clubbing of any kind. Clothing more like pajamas, not a speck of makeup on her face. Glasses perched against a crooked nose that never quite set right after something broke it. Despite Phoebe’s quiet and calm demeanor you can tell she’s anxious, just like you she has her own vices. Issues that she blocks away, but unlike you who drains your sorrows in booze, clubs and one night stands. The far more introverted women drains them in weed, blankets and porn.

“I know” she says softly ending it with your name and a sigh, “but we both have to be up by 6” responsibility, the thing you both hate. The two of you would rather be indulging, hiding from and blocking out the world. Doing nothing but having fun and pretending your issues don’t exist. But you can’t live without suffering, and suffer you must to keep a roof over your head’s, stomach’s full and wine flowing. She leads you to her car, a red mom van Phoebe’s had since before you became roommates two years ago.

But before you're even close enough to open it, you hear a voice, one you haven’t heard in years. He calls out the name of a dead man, almost surprised to see you. You turn to look at him, fear in your eyes at the name. The sight of him alone almost shocks you sober, if that’s even possible. Although it’s been several years since you saw him, you can instantly tell who you’re looking at. Phoebe looks at you confused, but says nothing, not recognizing the name, but understanding what your reaction means. Fear and dread curl up in your stomach, you want to cry, you want to scream. Why, why is one of them here, all you can do is stare at the man in front of you.

Your mother is a wealthy woman, married to an equally wealthy man. The Wayne family owned the biggest tech company in all of Gotham, making anything from cars to grappling hooks. Of course that’s not all they do, even before you were born they practically owned this city. Not just with there wealth, but with how many different types of pie’s they have there thumb in. Your mother loved your Father with all her heart, but Bruce Wayne didn’t love her back. It was well known he was a serial cheater, sleeping with and going out with as many other women as possible. He only married your mother because he needed to, it was to get the board of directors off his back. A wife was perfect to clean up his image, but that wasn’t what he desired. Instead of cleaning up his act and at least hiding his affairs he made them public. Your mother was left behind, neglected and humiliated every day. You were born a year into their marriage, how that even happened you don’t know, nor do you want to.

Neither of your parents loved you, even your mother, the person you were closest to, wanted as little to do with you as possible. The small sympathetic part of you thinks she might have had postpartum depression, but the rest of you doesn’t care why she treated you that way. What she did to you was inexcusable. In your eyes at least. One day when you were three, something inside her snapped. You don’t know exactly what happened, maybe she found out about his secret. She loved Bruce after all, not Batman, finding out that the man you love is nothing but a parsons. The real personality, completely different, both more willing to live in a cave than with you would break anyone. Why she would love Bruce at all given his treatment of her you will never know, never truly understand.

So, that cold winter day you watched as your mother put on her favorite fur coat. How she packed her leather suitcases and anything else she had that could be used as a storage container. She handed you a photo kept safe inside a frame, one that would lead you on a wild goose chase for the next 13 years. It was when you were a baby, just born and sitting inside an incubator, born 3 weeks too early and far too small. You’re Father, staring at you with eyes you have never seen on him before and never will, at least not directed at you. Eyes full of love and affection, a look you will chase for far too long. Then she gave you a pat on the head with her gloved hand, you would follow close behind as she carried her bags and suitcases outside, your small body sat right next to the door as it was too cold and you weren’t dressed for the weather. You watched as she got into a car

and dropped off the face of the fucking earth.

It was like she was retconned out of existence, no traces of where she might have gone was found. You bet Batman could have found her, if he tried. A part of you hates that he didn’t, that he let her pack up her things, take her money and vanish without a trace, took a week before she was declared missing. She’s still a hot topic in true crime podcasts even 20 years later. That woman left you all alone, with a Father you only saw in pictures and a butler that pitted you. There was never love in Alfreds eyes, only pity that you must exist. He looked at your mother with those same eyes, it’s a miracle she hadn’t left sooner. She left you to sit alone with a desperate desire for their affection, something they never gave to you, but so happily gave to others.

Why didn’t she take you? Why didn’t she bring you with her? WHY-

You were 5 when Dick was adopted and not long later became Robin. He didn’t know what to do with you, he spent the first 13 years of his life an only child. He didn’t know how to handle a random 5 year old coming up to him and asking him to play. Tie that in and all his grief and anger at losing his parents, he wasn’t able to be a big brother, he didn’t want to be a big brother. But Dick isn’t cruel, he was polite and kind, but as distant as they come. In a way that was even more cruel.

Bruce loves Dick, maybe not in the way of a Father, closer to that of a much younger brother that suddenly became your ward after the untimely death of your parents. But it is love nonetheless, he took him to gala’s that you would never catch a glimpse of. To patrols, and crime scenes and fights, teaching him the best he could. But Bruce could barely look at you at dinner, if he did it was through you, not at you. How his loving eyes in that photo turned so cold in just a few short months, maybe even days or hours, you don’t know.

That’s exactly the reason you hated Jason, the two of you are much closer in age. He was 14 and you were 11 when he was adopted. It was at a tumultuous time, Dick just left being Robin after a falling out with Bruce, and you had just learned that your Father and brother were Batman and Robin. At first you didn’t get why Dick hated Jason, Jason was the kindest boy you had ever met. No he was the kindest person you had ever met, dispute living an awful life and having to go through nicotine withdrawals when he first moved in he always had a smile on his face. He never let his trauma get him down, or at the very least he never showed it to you. In your eyes he was one of the strongest people you had ever met, you never looked up to Dick quite like how you looked up to Jason the first month he was there. He talked to you, he went along with your games and silly stories, even came to your figure skating competition, he was the closest thing to an older brother you ever had.

That all came crashing down, the day you finally got it, understood Dick’s hatred. For the first time all three of you were in the same room and Bruce gave Jason that look, the look you’ve been striving for your whole life. In hindsight it made sense, who wouldn’t love Jason? All smiles and playful banter and an unending desire to help. But in your little 11 year old brain it felt like the greatest betrayal. You wanted nothing to do with him from that point on, ignoring him no matter how desperately he tried to talk to you. It got so bad that one day, you yelled at him and threw the closet thing next to you at him. You couldn’t remember what you threw but it didn’t really matter, Jason caught it with ease, although he clearly wasn’t expecting it, and you ran. The two of you very rarely interact after that. From what you overheard Bruce talking to Alfred, Jason was getting more violent. Although you couldn’t see it yourself, Jason was just the same as usual, and that love never left Bruce's eyes. He should be happy, he got everything you ever wanted, he was happy, or so you thought.

Then one day he ran away, on some stupid quest to find his birth mother. Why would he even want that when he had people that loved him right here? So what if they weren’t his blood, they were still his family. What did that get him? Both him and his bio mom getting murdered that’s what. You were so angry at him, he wasn’t even there for a full year and he was already gone forever? Just like that? You didn’t even get to say goodbye! You hated Jason, and you miss him so much. To this day your greatest regret is that you couldn’t reconcile, not that you have the balls too. Not once in your several chances have you done so.

Tim was next, you never cared for Tim and he never cared for you. The boy showed up out of nowhere, he’s the same age as you. First going to Dick and begging him to be Robin again, Batman needs a Robin after all. Instead of asking you, he went straight to becoming Robin. Not that Bruce would let you become Robin, and not like you had the desire to become what killed your brother. Tim was technically not a part of the family, but he stayed around so often he practically was. It took a long time for Bruce to love Tim, but he grew on Bruce like a fungus. You didn’t care about Tim, you weren’t desperate for his approval. All you wanted was your Father’s love, that he so freely gave out to everyone else. The man who so freely hurt both you and your mother in the most humiliating of ways, not even acknowledging your relationship with him.

You met Cassandra after Gotham was safe to come back to, thankfully before No Man’s Land

your whole grade was on a week long field trip out of the city. Unthankfully the executive order to activate No Man’s Land came on the first day of the trip. No one could go back home after that, for months a whole high school class was stranded. Many of the school students were members of the elite so they were quickly brought back to their families when they fled. But yours didn’t, you struggled as one of the many Gotham refugees. But dispute this, for the first time in years you felt alive. Admittedly your 16 year old self didn’t make the best choices. You didn’t have a credit card, any identification outside of the school ID, no access to Wayne money. So you did whatever you could to get by. You made friends with people you shouldn’t have been friends with, very quickly falling into the mindset of doing anything to get a quick buck. But being completely cut off from your family for the first time. It made you realize how little you needed them. No, how little you needed him.

So coming back to Gotham after several months was strange.16 years old and suddenly seeing everything so differently, how much of a fool you were for wanting your father's approval and several bad habits you still haven’t beaten to this day. The fact that while you were gone, they had replaced you with Cassandra, pissed you the fuck off. Of course it did, who wouldn’t be angry! But not at her, not anymore, you were mad at Bruce. You hated everything about him, about being reminded of him. But you still loved him, still wanted him to look at you, tell you to your face that he didn’t want you instead of avoiding you and pretending you didn’t exist. Maybe then you could finally move on, or maybe not, you’ll never know. Cassandra was here, just like Dick she was polite but could care less about you. Just like everyone’s favorite hero Nightwing, puller of the Hero community! Who could do no wrong even when he did, all of this pissed you the fuck off

and made you so, so sad.

So you drank and went to parties full of people you barely knew, and drank some more. Getting a fake id in Gotham isn’t that hard, nore was finding clubs that wouldn’t look at it with more than a glance. The hard part was finding ones that also wouldn’t sell your organs. Buy that point you were barely at the manor, barely at school, only just passing most of your classes, sleeping in as many as possible for a variety of different reasons. No one at home cared, not Bruce, not Dick, not Alfred and his stupid pitying face. Every day he gave you that same fucking look, like he was sad for you. If he truly cared he would have tried to help ages ago before you were even born. You wanted to punch that old man in the face, but you didn’t because everyone loved Alfred. He was like a grandfather to everyone else in the maner, even a slightly threatening glare would set them off.

School was a different story altogether. People card there, but most only cared to look down on you or make fun of you. Thanks to your Father's past treatment of your mother and the fact that you're rarely seen in public with them. It’s clear to a lot of people you're not favored, that does mean you’re not kidnapped for ransom every other week like most of your classmates. But it also means all the high society types don’t like you that much, they ignore you at best, openly mock and belittle you at worst. But at this point, you didn’t give a shit, you had entered the dreaded, edgy 16 years old ‘I’m a lone wolf’ faze. Which you would be stuck in for an even more embarrassing amount of time.

Of course as the child of a ‘superhero’ the world's greatest detective, yada, yada, yada, life can never stay peaceful. Or as close to a form of peace Mr. Edgy Too-Cool-For-School 17 year old self could grasp onto. No, in fact there superherodum infected your everyday life, of course it did, there were villains left and right. Honestly your superseded Gotham isn’t a ghost town with how much shit goes down here. But an underrated part of being a superhero is how many times someone can be killed and then raised from the dead. To the point that every time a superhero dies you aren’t surprised when they come back from the dead anywhere from a few months to years later.

For the first time in a long time though, you were surprised. There was man you don’t recognize in the manor’s living room, sitting on the couch, gaze glued to the floor looking deep in thought. Tall, muscular, and covered in scars. He looked like someone you would have worked under during No Man’s Land. Right before you can turn heel and leave, he looks at you, you look back. Face morphing in a mix of shock and fear, his own going from neutrality to his signature sunny smile that’s burned into your brain. Jason calls out the name of a soon to be dead man, with the same glee he did all those years ago. His voice having changed so much over the years. Instead of going to the brother you so deeply missed, who you never stopped mourning, regretting, guilting over. You do what you always do, what you’ve been doing for years in fun different ways

You run

Just like your mother before you, on a cold winter’s day you put on a jacket. Pack as many bags as you can carry, take all the money you saved up and leave. Just like your mother before you, Batman, Bruce Wayne, the man you both desperately craved the love and affection of for so many years. Never comes looking for you, none of them do not even Jason. You’re a coward, same as your mother. You will always be a coward, you have come to accept that fact. That you will never be strong enough to confront them.

Yet you can’t leave this city, you don’t have the heart to.

In a place like Gotham, no one glances twice at a teenager carrying lots of bags in the cold. You don’t look twice at them either. As quickly as you can, you change your name. Not just your last name, your whole name, first, middle and last. With no remnants of your Father and mother left, the Wayne you once were is dead. You are now a new person entirely, at least in a legal sense. Now your name is just yours not there’s, if only you could change more on a deeper, visceral level.

Life was tough, but it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle, got help, made friends. Eventually finding your way into the shabby apartment you live in with your roommate, your closest friend. Now you’re living comfortably, compared to before at least. Of course someone had to fuck it up. We’re-we’re he- Jason, he stands right in front of you, okay not right, he’s a good 5 or so feet away, but it wouldn’t be hard for him to just walk closer. Fuck you haven’t seen anyone in that good forsaken family in person in 6 years! Now that you finally have everything together, finally have a decent life of your own. You’re biggest regret and shame stands right before you.

Phoebe takes a step in front of you trying to protect you from Jason. Like she can protect you from a muscular man twice her size, a former Robin no less, even if it was a short stint, even the most basic of training is fucking brutal. Jason looks amused at her reaction, clearly having the exact same thought. He calls that god damn name again, if you were sober, you would have probably pretended to not know who that is and say he got the wrong person. But you’re not, you’re drunk and scared, and that’s a recipe for disaster. “That’s not my name” you say quickly, but not steadily. “Wa-“ he looks at you confused, then he really looks at you, with the eyes not of an older brother running into their estranged sibling on the street. But as a trained detective, “are you drunk?” Jason asks in a mix of shock and concern. “That’s not-that’s none of your fucknn bugisiness” you slur out, definitely drunk but also panicking. Walking closer Jason continues to speak “I’m your older brother! You getting drunk and running around the dark streets of Gotham is definitely my business!” Instead of responding like a sane and rational person. You grab Phoebe by the arm and yell “GET IN THE CAR!” Then booking it to the car with your best efforts, Jason just stands there watching you, baffled.

Opening the door and shoving Phoebe in the front seat, she awkwardly crawls over to the driver’s side. You then slide in and slam the door closed, already aggressively shaking her saying “drive! drive! drive!” Increasingly panicked, before she can even properly get seated. She lightly shoo’s your hands away as she gets seated and pulls out her keys. Turning the car on and speeding away, both of you unaware that as she pulls away from the sidewalk Jason takes out his phone and takes a picture of her license plate. He put it back in his pocket with a sigh, now Jason was planning on letting you come back home on your own terms. He completely understands the desire to brood away from your family for several years because you’re mad at them. But after seeing that? Well it’s clear to Jason that if he doesn’t force you to come back you never will

and we can’t have that now can we?

Your appointment is small, two bedrooms both just big enough for a twin and a dresser. An open living room and kitchen, with a single cramped bathroom that can’t even hold a tub. The few windows all open to an alleyway with a fire escape that is barely up to code. One of the windows is boarded up, having been broken recently during a Batman chase sequence. The guys your landlord hired to fix it won’t be able to come for another week. Your couch looks like a possum had given birth in it, which might be true seeing as Phoebe stole it off the street with her old roommate before you came into the picture. The tv is so old it’s still a box and doesn’t get Netflix, not like either of you are subscribed to a streaming service. Pirating all the way! Compared to Wayne manor this place is a dump.

It’s perfect

Really most places would be considered a dump by Wayne manor standards. This has been the second nicest apartment you lived in since you moved out. And you don’t even feel like you’re mooching off the kindness of a sweet single mother and her 8 year old brat with this one! Currently your face is shoved into a pillow as you lay on the stolen possum nest. Phoebe stands by one of the windows, having opened it and leaning on the sill. You can hear a lighter being flipped on and off from we’re she’s standing. Then the smell of weed smoke fills your nose.

“So..” she begins “what the actual fuck was that” “I don’t want to talk about it” came your muffled reply. “No seriously what the fuck?” She said, you could hear her footsteps walking towards you. “Out the window!” You point behind your back to the general direction of the window. “Listen I’m all for ignoring your problems and keeping your dark past to yourself” she ignores your previous statement, her voice much closer than before. “But as your roommate I need to know the basics of what I’m working with here. That guy who looks like he works for The Penguin or some shit-“ “Penguin?!” You almost laugh out. “Ya! Like gang shit!” “I know but why The Penguin?” She sputters at that “I don’t fuckin know! He’s like on the top of my Gotham gang leader’s tier list!” “You have a tear list?? The Penguin is on the top of it??” You’re voice filled with a mix of amusement and confusion “We live in Gotham!” Is her defense “Of course I have a tier list!” Phoebe huffs.

You squirm onto your back, face still covered by the pillow. “Hold on, what level is Red Hood?” “He’s not on it, he’s a superhero.” She says it like it’s a fact, “he’s literally not though? He kills people” “please the only people he kills are rapists, abusers and human traffickers. Hero in my book- the point is I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that he’s not with the Joker-“ that sentence alone made you laugh for a minute straight. Phoebe stood there quietly smoking her cigarette as you cackled violently. Once calmed down you finally say “Jason would rather hunt him for sport then work for him. I can’t imagine any timeline where Jason works for the Joker. That would be so out of character for him.” She hums in acknowledgment. “So this guy- Jason- you’re brother- shows the fuck up out of nowhere, both of you shocked to see each other dead names you-“ “in his defense I changed my name after we cut contact” “right good on you Y/N” that statement made you lower the pillow from your face and onto yours chest. Staring at her from the other side of the couch like she’s crazy.

“Y/N?” You ask “ya, you know like, your name? Y/N” “no I get what you’re talking about” you cut her off. “But why the fuck did you just call me the name placement for an X Reader fic?” She shrugs and takes a drag of her cigarette. “Helped with calming you down, didn't it?” “What? Ugg” you put a hand up to your face, “your distracting me!” “And probing for answers!” She cheers out. “So what about him got you so freaked out, hmm girly pop?” You groan again, properly sitting up, feet on the floor, pillow in your lap. She slides into the now free spot next to you.

“It’s just- we have a super complicated relationship, and he’s the sibling I have the best relationship with, but with him still being in contact with the family… I don’t know, we… we got into a bad argument and before we could make up he… went missing for 5 years. Then he was suddenly found after being declared dead for so long- I… I panicked, ran… ended up here.” You look in the opposite direction of her almost shamefully. The both of you sit in silence for a bit, it’s quiet for a long time before with an almost defeated sigh she finally speaks. “When I graduated high school my grandparents went on a road trip to go to a family reunion in a different state.” She starts, and you turn to look at her “I stayed behind, my relationship with the family wasn’t the best to begin with and I didn’t want to spend several days in a cramped car with people I barely liked. My younger sister on the other hand went, the two of us had a pretty significant age gap, about 9 years. Just a day into the trip they got into a nasty car accident” She takes a stutery breath, and puts her cigarette back in her mouth, blowing on it. “Everyone else, my grandparents, aunts and cousins. They all lived, not her though, she was the only person in the car that wasn’t an adult, the others got serious injuries that needed surgery’s for. But her body was decimated, died instantly, and brutally mangled.” You just stare at her, horror clear on your face. Hers is almost completely blank, not even hear at the moment, mind far off and somewhere else.

“Why are you telling me this?” You ask her, she glances over to you before looking away. “You were telling me things you didn’t want to talk about, to remember. So I’m doing the same.” “but yours is way more detailed. I was being so vague! Now I feel bad” “don’t be, I was debating on if i should tell you this anyways. No pressure with going into more detail about your mysterious past.” with a sigh you look down at your feet. Not knowing what to say next, if you should even say something next. Finally after a bit of internal debate you say the first thing that comes to mind “this is not how I wanted the day to go”, Phoebe laughs “me neither”. “He probably won’t be an issue.” You continue fiddling with your hands, “the rest of my family never really cared about me, I was basically just a ghost in their house. Hell I don’t even know if my sister knows my name!” “Yeesh” “ya… he was the only one that really cared, so outside of him probably having already found where we live-“ “what” “we shouldn’t have to deal with the rest of my family” she opens her mouth to speak again. “Or worry about gangs” she closes it “most of my siblings work for are Dad’s tech company anyways. They have no reason to join a gang.” “A family business? In Gotham?” she chuckles “If it doesn’t have ties to some gang or isn’t like 3 generations old or both, I don’t see that place still standing.” now you laugh, if only she knew.

If only she knew.

——————

A/N time!

I have some more ideas for this AU but I admittedly don’t know much more of what to do with it. Like I have a lot of ideas for character relationships but not a lot of plot. I know at some point Reader is dragged back to the Wayne’s but I haven’t fully decided if it’s willing or not.

I do have a few ideas for what Reader’s name was before they became a Y/N L/N. But I didn’t want it to come off too much like the reader is an OC. I also don’t want to pick a name that someone reading this might have. Which is a slim but very there possibility, would be pretty fucking immersion, breaking if the character who canonically change their name to be yours/whatever OC you make already had yours/whatever OC you make is first name. So I’ll probably keep those ideas to myself.

Also if it isn’t clear, I have never once smoked in my life. I'm more of an edible girly myself, more powerful and you're not inhaling smoke! It’s a win win! Also I have no experience writing someone who is drunk or high, so there probably also written poorly. In fact I’ve never once gotten as drunk as the reader does in this. Admittedly I couldn’t figure out how to write the ending with them drunk.

Thinking about making the floor plan of the apartment in the sims, but idk it’s not going to be that important? If I do end up continuing this like I have planned. I’m already working on chapter two! Which expands on things mentioned here and hopefully shows even more how much of an unreliable narrator reader is. Idk I’ve only started the first few paragraphs.

I know not many X reader fics go into detail about the Reader is non from fandom relationships. Which makes sense, it’s called Batfam X Neglected Reader after all, not Reader and the OC gang. I honestly just felt like filling out the world with more non DC or other franchise characters. Don’t worry if I do continue this it won’t be a common trend, Phoebe will be the only commonly reoccurring named OC. If/when I add more they won’t be as prominent or fleshed out as her. She’s very important to the plot I’ve got cookin in my brain :).

Fun fact! Phoebe didn’t originally have a name! She was referred to solely as roommate up till the last minute!

[madridnoora]

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ Forbidden - Blind Dates and Ice Packs

Eighth instalment of the forbidden au - lsu!joe x oc

Full AU masterlist here -> ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ Forbidden

Summary: Daisy is finally forced into Bella's blind date, and Daisy and Joe's arrangement changes even further following the highly anticipated game against Ole Miss.

⋆｡˚ word count: 5.4k

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out, I've been crazy busy but hoping to get some more parts up in the next few weeks:) Next part may be a big one!

18+ Content. MDNI :). Mentions of drinking, drug use, smoking and sex. ⋆｡˚

The conversation the morning after halloween was a simple one. The rules of the arrangements had been mutually agreed to change, only slightly.

Rule One - It remained the same, no strings and no attachments.

Rule Two - This had been abandoned, they weren't exactly doing a great job of hiding the thing between them anymore. The news of what had happened in the bathroom of the halloween party was the juiciest piece of campus gossip all year and by the following evening it had spread everywhere. Daisy was getting dirty looks from practically every girl on campus, some out of conservative disgust but most out of jealousy. The boy's had also changed the way they looked at her, she didn't like that. They would gawk, and she would shrink into her own skin once again. It made her hide away from the world, spending more time in Joe's room than on campus.

Rule Three - Daisy was still not allowed to wear the 'i'm horny' longhorns t-shirt.

Rule Four - A new one, and the most important. No physical intimacy with other people. The arrangement had become an exclusive one, it felt simpler that way. Joe wasn't bothered about having sex with other women, not when Daisy was available for him whenever he needed her. Daisy wasn't exactly wanting to pursue any other boys either. The whole agreement just felt easier if they kept it between them, and it wasn't because they were developing a forbidden attachment to each other. No. Absolutely not. This was just the best thing for them at this current moment. If they wanted to stop, they could at any time and nothing--no feelings or swelling of the heart would occur.

They lazily shook hands on it as Joe had his heavy hungover arm draped across her bare shoulder as she lay wrapped in his navy duvet. Afterwards, an awkward silence filled the room. Neither of them knowing what to say as the relationship between them went a step beyond what they ever imagined on the first night they met.

Daisy's hushed, raspy voice broke it.

'What now?' She said with her sage eyes looking so deeply in Joe's blue stare. His lips curled only minutely, a sign that he was fighting a bigger grin beneath it.

'We fuck'

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

daisyymoore

autumn into winter

Liked by jjettas2, lahjay_10 and 739 others

@.cassdaviess: sweet angel girl

-> @.daisyymoore: oh i love you so

@.lahjay_10: loved that pussy!

-> @.daisyymoore: WHAT?!

-> @.lahjay_10: the pumpkin daisy jeez.

5th November 2019

It's a typical midday at the start of a Louisiana, the sun still burns in the sky but a breeze bites at Joe's skin. He sat slouched on the greyish brown wood of the campus quad picnic benches, Justin next to him and Ja'marr opposite. His foot tapped aimlessly against the concrete beneath him, his phone tilted just low enough that he was the only one who could see it. His thumb hovers over the black mirror. He's stuck on her instagram, he always is.

It was a new one, a collection of images from the past few weeks. They felt personal. Handcrafted slides that made his mind run with the idea she might have posted them just for him. The first image he had taken of her when they were in the backyard of his fraternity, a picture he snapped because the wind was dancing through her pretty hair and making her look ethereal. The second image was the pumpkin she had carved across the table from him, a post sex activity which he hadn't been able to stop thinking about. Maybe she couldn't stop thinking about it either? Joe shook away the thoughts, he didn't want to find himself getting carried away in teenage daydreams. The fourth was his fraternity on the night of Halloween, the night the agreement swapped between them. The night the air around him shifted to something heavier, something denser--a tangible emotion that he could feel pulsing against his skin.

It was the fifth image that captured his attention the most.

Her in the LSU campus gym. Flesh bare, stomach tensed, hips cocked. She knew what she was doing, and it pissed him off. He couldn't help but scroll through the list of likers and there was a lot of them. A lot of boys, a lot of college athletes. None of them would be winning the Heisman in just over a months time though, Joe still had that little confidence boost to stop his ego from denting too much. He also had the knowledge that as of almost a week ago, she was his. Just his woman to bed.

He sent her a DM--half joking, half not.

Take this down.

She replied almost instantly.

daisyymoore

Why? a lot of people liked it ;)

Joe closed his eyes and breathed in a slow breathe. She was enjoying this new exclusive thing, she liked the power it gave her to get under his skin. Daisy was aware Joe didn't like her like that, but she knew he didn't like to lose or be second place either. It was fun to toy with him.

Joe locked his phone and placed it face down on the wooden bench and tuned back into the conversation between Justin and Ja'marr. They were talking about the upcoming game against Ole Miss, a big one on the season calendar and a challenge to their undefeated streak. Wind brushed through their hair as orange leaves began to prance across the grey concrete as a symbol of November's quiet arrival and the quickness of time flying by. He heard the clicking and clacking of some heeled shoes and he braced for who it could be. Three college football players sitting at a bench, one woman approaching--it could be a shit show for any of them. Ex lover? One night hook up? No. Thank God.

Cassie slid into the seat beside Ja'marr with a bright grin.

'Hey guys' Her voice was high pitched, full of bubbly energy which the boys failed to match after an intense morning practise. A grumbled mesh of greetings tumbled from their mouths but Cassie didn't let it discourage her.

'How's everyones day going?' Her brights eyes flickered between the three players that slouched on the bench.

'Good, Cass' Ja'marr smiled.

'You never speak to us alone, what do you want?' Justin cuts in straight after, reading his friend like an open book. Cassie's face falters at his bold words but once again she doesn't let it faze her. She was here for a reason and she had spent the past few days building up the confidence to ask them.

'Okay--Okay' She picked at her baby pink acrylic nails, nerves clearly danced, itching at her gentle skin.

'It's Daisy's birthday in two weeks and we're going to Miami--just for a weekend--and I was wondering, if--if maybe you guys wanted to come?' Her words are shy, like halfway through she realised it may not have been the smartest idea. But once the words were out it was too late, and she enjoyed spending time with Justin and Ja'marr, plus Daisy was now exclusive with Joe and she needed to get birthday sex somehow.

'It's her birthday' Joe let's his shocked words slip from his lips. She had never mentioned. That seemed like something she would have mentioned if she wanted him to be there.

'I'm in' Justin says.

'Yeah, fuck it, I'll go to Miami' Ja'marr also agreed.

Cassie beamed a smile, showing off her perfect white teeth. Then waited for Joe to say something, but he was still processing the fact that Daisy hadn't told him about her birthday.

'It's a surprise. She doesn't know. She doesn't like celebrating her birthday really' She tried to reassure him, tried to manipulate him into saying yes.

'Yeah, I guess if i'm free' Joe says cooly. Cassie excitedly claps her hands together at the fact her idea was coming together.

'Can you tell her to come over tonight' Joe cut her celebrations short. His words not a request but a command, his voice stern like Cassie didn't have the option to say no. Daisy hadn't been to Joe's in the past two nights, and his bed was beginning to feel the sweet pain of withdrawal symptoms. She was too busy studying and writing politics essays too come over for even a quickie, even when Joe was borderline begging over the phone last night.

'Ermmm--ha, she can't tonight' Cassie sounded almost scared and that made Joe nervous. The blonde lifted up her hand and scratched the back of her neck as a feeling of awkwardness hung thickly over the picnic table.

'Why?' Joe's voice was low and rough.

Cassie knew she shouldn't break, she knew she was under strict instructions to not let any of the three boys at the table know but under the intense heat of their pointed stares she founder her self crumbling like a poorly baked chocolate chip cookie.

'I ca-can't' She choked out, her throat all of a sudden drying up.

'What is it, Cass?' Ja'marr joined in, his own voice low and intimidating but a playful look on his sculpted face.

'Bella set her up on a blind date. She's meeting him tonight'

Her voice was small. Her lips pushing out a secret she shouldn't have spilled. Once again, she couldn't bring them back into her mind and they had to sit lingering like a storm cloud in the space around Joe's head.

'Whose him?' His words almost come out like a growl, but it's clear he has made some effort to refrain himself. His blonde brows furrow across his strong brow bone. His blue eyes dark and icy. It makes a chill crawl up Cassie's back and her cheeks flush red. She never liked feeling in trouble, and that's how she felt right now. She shrunk back in the bench, her shoulder folding in as she made herself look as small as she felt under the quarterbacks spat question.

'Just a guy Bella knows--I'm really not sure Joe. It's a blind date'

Joe stretched out his neck with a clenched jaw. This wasn't explicitly against the rules, as long as there was no physical intimacy Daisy wouldn't be doing anything wrong. Did he trust that she wouldn't? He wasn't sure. He hadn't had to put his trust in a girl for a very long time, so long he forgot how intense the feeling was. Trust was a fickle thing in the hands of the wrong person.

'She doesn't want to go, if-, if that makes it sting less' Cassie said with a tight lipped smile, a look of sympathy on her face.

'It doesn't sting' His words come out too quick, too sharp. Completely unbelievable to those around him, but Joe believed them. He believed the subtle numbness that clawed at his beating heart was because of his desire to always be number one, his hatred for feeling second best. He still thought he was in control, but slowly he was beginning to realise that when it came to Daisy Moore control didn't exist.

She doesn't want to go. Joe repeated it over and over in his head but if that was the truth why was she going. He didn't believe it. Daisy was too strong of a woman to go somewhere she didn't truly want too. five days. five days since the agreement between them changed and she was going on a date. Was five days all it took for her too realise she made a mistake with him?

Joe got up from the table, not saying another word. Leaving his friends behind as he made hast for the bed sheets that still smelt of her. Sweet peonies and jasmine. Always the same perfume and it lingered in room like gentle pecks of his plump lips.

Tonight, she would wear that scent for another man.

and Joe couldn't do anything to stop her. Or could he?

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

Daisy wasn't the type to do blind dates. She had avoided them at all costs, but Bella had given her no choice--springing the date on her on the same day it was happening. The boy, Matthew, had already planned the whole thing and had been telling her how excited he was to go on the date. Daisy couldn't stand him up, she thought about it, but every time the image of a lonely boy sat eating alone in an overpriced restaurant would cloud her mind. A pang of sadness would rattle through her ribs and she knew she couldn't do it.

So here she sat across from a nice boy with sweeping brunette curls and kind hazel eyes, eating her main course in a restaurant just outside of Baton Rouge that tried to hard to look like it wasn't trying at all. The lighting around them was dim in a deliberately warming way -- cream candles with an amber flame flickered in the centre, filling the space between them. The walls were a deep red colour filled with black and white framed portraits of people who had visited, or perhaps they were just stock images taken from the internet. Daisy didn't pay enough attention to them to know the definite answer. The bar behind them was stretched long and brass-trimmed, almost industrial looking. A low humble jazz beat played out quietly around them and the other filled tables.

The blind date was going quite pleasantly. Daisy even found herself laughing a couple of times. Matthew's company wasn't something she hated and as much as it pained her to admit, Bella had picked someone who matched her pretty well. She could see them being friends. Nothing more. She was already in a complicated enough situation with Joe and she didn't need to bring a guy like Matthew into something like that. Matthew knew it too, the date was going well but they lacked the initial spark all future lovers have. But, they could still have a good time.

Daisy listened to Matthew's stories as she tapped her fingers against the drink in her hand when she felt a buzz vibrate on the table. Her phone. Not Matthew's. She let out a hushed sorry before quickly glancing at it.

Joe

how's that date going

Daisy rolled her eyes, she knew he knew because Cassie came back to the dorm in a frantic state and acting as if she had just committed the greatest betrayal in the history of the universe. Daisy was expecting these messages, she just assumed they would start halfway through the first course rather than the second. He outlasted her expectations.

She gave a quick reply before putting her phone face down on the table.

Daisy

it's fine

It was five minutes later when her phone buzzed again and this time she was thankful Matthew had just gotten up to go to the bathroom so she could respond without feeling guilty.

Joe

that bad?

Daisy

it isn't bad, he's sweet.

Joe

if you wanted sweet you wouldn't be fucking me.

speaking of,

you coming straight over to me after it's over?

Daisy scoffed. Joe's arrogance was hiding his insecurity and she knew that, but she was in no mood to argue. She also wanted to be back in his bed sheets. It had been a few days now and her body missed him. It missed the way he made her body feel. All that pleasure. She breathed away the heat that pricked over skin, she shouldn't be thinking about Joe and the thing he could do while waiting for another man to come back to the table.

Daisy

yes joey.

Joe

then end it. quickly.

Daisy couldn't reply as Matthew entered her peripheral vision. A cheery grin on his almost golden skin. She hated that he was so nice. It was going to make what she had to do next so much more painful. Once he sat, she got right to it. then end it quickly, Joe's message was all she could think about.

'I'm so sorry, I'm feeling quite faint. I think it's something I ate' She began, then gave the acting performance of her life. Within ten minutes she was out the restaurant and in an uber to Joe's place. She didn't tell him that, she didn't send Joe a text that she was on her way over. Did she want to surprise him? No. Did she want to see the light in his eyes as he locked his eyes on her, the way his cheeks bunched up and the corners of his eyes crinkled? No, of course not. Did she want the feel the rush of warmth that pooled in her stomach and rushed over every muscle in her body? Maybe she did.

She rushed out the Uber, slamming the door and borderline running to the heavy set doors of the fraternity. It was Wednesday night and that meant there was a chance all the fraternity brothers would be lingering around, they would see her as she dashed up the stairs and too his room. She didn't care. She didn't even think about that.

She pushed her way through, ignoring everyone she past. She was being quick, just like he had instructed.

She didn't bother to knock.

She spent so much time there, the room almost felt like her own these days.

She walked in, casually. Not wanting him to know how much effort she had put into getting here. The light panting of her ragged breath let him know though. And he loved that.

Joe was laying on his bed shirtless, his blonde hair messy and a muscular arm behind his bed as he scrolled on his phone, but he dropped it when the door of his bedroom opened and closed.

and there she was.

His Daisy.

He couldn't help but like the way that sounded in his head, even though he knew he shouldn't.

His eyes watched her. Her cheeks were tinted pink from the cold night, or maybe the wine she had drank. He could tell it was red because her lips were stained like cherries. Her long hair was wavy and windswept, small strands lay around her face messily like they always did when she stopped caring about what it looked like. Her heels were held in her hand beside her. Her dress was short but not too tight, a simple sleek navy colour and made of a silk material. Silver jewellery decorated her bare arms and a strange pang his Joe's chest. She had made an effort for the guy. He could see that. Daisy always makes an effort. Joe's own voice of reason reassured him.

'You wore that for another guy' Joe can't help but make a childish jab, but it makes Daisy smile. It makes her feel comfortable. She placed her shoes down in the corner of the room, next to his training back like she usually did. Joe didn't even realise he started leaving a space there for her. Then she crawled into his bed, taking her place under the arm he had behind his head. Her bare shoulders touching his bare chest. The connection is stinging them both, but neither of them realise it.

Joe looked over her face. Her eyeliner was smudged ever so slightly at the corners, her lip liner was worn off and there were crease lines under her eyes. The guy had made her laugh--many times. Joe could tell. He knew the worn lip liner was from the food and not the guys lips. It was unspoken, and he didn't have to ask. Trust. Not such a fickle thing this evening. He relaxed and let his arm drop around her shoulders, not too tightly, just lazily. His thumb lightly brushed her skin in little circles. She moved closer.

Then she told him all about it, and Joe didn't even mind. In fact, he quite enjoyed hearing about her night and how she had actually had a pretty good time. The guy, Matthew, had treated her well but there was nothing more. Joe felt relieved at that.

Then as the night went on, she stripped down and so did he. Gentle, lazy and tired sex consumed them before them found themselves asleep next to each other like usual.

Daisy didn't leave Joe's place much for the next nine days, only ever to go to class or grab some clothes from her dorm. She liked it there, and Joe liked having her around. They weren't friends, but they were something.

She still never mentioned her birthday to him. and that, for some unexplainable reason, made him feel like shit.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

Ole Miss.

It was a big game.

and since finding out that Justin was leaving college after this year, Daisy realised she needed to start watching him play. So here she was, alongside Cassie and Bella in the packed stands of Death Valley. A white jersey with Jefferson across the back sat across her torso. Joe might flip. At least Bella had said he would. Cassie said he might. Daisy wasn't really even thinking about it. Justin is Joe's friend, surely his jealousy wasn't so shallow.

But when he spotted her in the crowd, sitting where she had told him she was going to sit and he saw that the number on the jersey was not his, all he could do was shake his head. His featured freezing over with a coldness she wasn't used to seeing from him. She almost ripped the cloth from her skin and threw it in the bin. Guilt clawing at her throat. If they lose tonight it's my fault, she told herself over and over. She didn't pray often, but she did in that moment. Her hand clasped together in front of her.

'Please God, let him win' She whispered so that Bella and Cassie couldn't hear her. Not that they would be able to over the noise of the student crowd.

The air was electric, thick with a humid southern heat and the kind of noise that made your bones hum deep beneath your flesh. Purple and white lights lit up the stadium, pockets of red clashing against them as the Ole Miss supporters filled in some seats. Daisy liked it, inside stadiums. She had many years of practice.

When the game began, her eyes could only focus on Joe. She tried to keep glancing at Justin but it was like they were magnetised on number nine. He looked unreal from where she stood, not just talented--but almost mythical. The white of his jersey clung to him in sharp creases and sweat. His long fingers flexed around the laces of the ball like it was part of him, a simple extension of his arm. A biological piece of his body. Every moment was like he was firing a dart at a board and hitting bullseye every time. Such poise even under the pressure.

She couldn't help herself. Somewhere in the middle of the noise around them, she joined in on the constant screaming of his name with the strangers who didn't know him the way she did. This all felt familiar, she had done this with Lucas but them thoughts didn't control her mind the way she thought they would have. He was merely a passing thought like came and went within seconds. Then Joe would replace them. Was that good or bad? She couldn't tell, but she didn't let herself dwell on it.

He scored his own touchdown at one point. He didn't look for her though. Of course he didn't. He was so beyond pissed, but at least they weren't losing. At least that wouldn't be her fault.

After halftime, something happened.

The play only took seconds, but to Daisy, it was like watching a car crash in slow motion. Joe was going down, but the Ole Miss linebacker didn't care. A cheap shot. A wrecking ball with a grudge, helmet low, and his padded shoulders square with a raging tension.

The hit was bone deep, the noise of it seemed to silence the stadium or maybe that was just in Daisy's head. People around her gasped, and outrage began to pour in from the LSU fans. Joe met the hard ground with a terrifying force, his body bouncing almost limply. His helmet bouncing against the floor.

Was he moving?

Daisy's blood ran cold. She clutched at her chest with an open jaw. Shock overtook every fibre of her being. She stood on her tiptoes trying to get the best view of what was happening. They weren't showing him on the screen. That was a bad sign.

Tiptoes wasn't enough.

She pushed through the crowd and made her way the front of the stands. Her usually delicate fingers gripped onto the cold white railing with a terror filled force. She could see him, he was writhing around on the floor in pain, but at least he was moving. Medics rushed over to him. Ole Miss and LSU players clashed against each other, she saw Ja'marr getting in one of the red jersey's faces but she couldn't pay that much attention. She, in this moment, only cared about Joe.

She watched as a medic helped him sit up. His movements more careful and slow than she was used to seeing, like every inch of his body hurt. Like air was stripped away from his lungs and his ribs filled with a excruciating pain as he tried to pull himself together. She watched his slow breaths in and out. She wished she could gift him more oxygen.

Joe pulled his helmet off. His red flushed face and messy hair exposed for the crowd to see. No blood. That was a good sign. Daisy let out the faintest breath, like it was too soon for her to fully relax. Joe looked around, taking sips of water as he gained some of the strength that had been knocked out of him back.

and then--somehow--he found her.

Daisy didn't know if he was trying too. She wasn't in the original spot he knew she was sitting at, and yet somehow, even a hundred yards away, he still found her. The stands around her were a blur of purple and gold, thousands of people clapping and chanting his name. When they met each others eyes, it felt like that all faded away.

Joe saw her there, gripping onto the railing like it was her only lifeline. The concern on her face rattled him more than the tackle had. It was enough to make him forgive her for the stupid fucking jersey she was wearing. stupid. fucking. jersey. He shook away that jealousy, and instead he clenched his jaw but softened his gaze. He gave Daisy a nod, the reassurance she needed that he was okay.

a silent don't worry about me across a green football field.

Daisy let her breathes free, and the grip on the railing loosen. She watched from that spot for a few more minutes, then she went back to her seat. Joe went back to the huddle like nothing had happened.

But something had.

Something between them.

After they won the game, Daisy had still been expecting Joe to ice her out so it was surprising when he swaggered over to where she had been standing by the railing during the match. It surprised her even more when he waved her to come down and speak to him.

'You scared me' She told him. She had to get it off her chest. Joe held his hands hooked on the front of his padding making his biceps look oh so deliciously big. His hair was a mess but Daisy liked that, it made him look manly. He cocked his head back with an air of arrogance and looked into her big green eyes, ones which seemed to glow even brighter under the stadium lights. His skin was glowy and sticky with sweat and effort.

'Payback for that stupid fuckin' jersey' He chirped, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk. For the first time, it really seemed like Joe didn't care who was watching. Media was here, fans were listening in but he wasn't paying them any attention. All his focus was on Daisy.

'Justin's just a friend you know' Daisy's response wasn't joking, it was serious. Like she needed to make sure Joe understood that, to put an end to this weird tension that seemed to be brewing between the teammates.

'I know, doesn't mean I like it though' Joe shrugged with an unapologetic truth slipping through his cracked lips. Daisy could only nod, stumped as to how she could reply to his honesty. Joe didn't give her the chance too.

'You coming back with me, I need someone to ice my ribs' That smug smirk drew back across his face. Daisy laughed, like an actual laugh before nodding her head with her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. A subtle blush rising onto her cheeks.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

The bathroom light buzzed overhead, casting a dull yellow glow that made everything around them seem so warm and comforting--even the chipped tile and toothbrush stains on the mirror. Joe's boxers and dirty clothes laid out on the floor from when he hasn't put them in the laundry basket.

Joe stood shirtless in front of the skin, his sweatpants dangerously low on his hips and his arms stretched up as he assessed the damage of the forming bruises that scattered all across his back and torso. It was the hardest hit he had ever taken. Some light swelling surrounded his ribs, the medic said he needed rest but he should be okay for the next game in two weeks.

Daisy quietly came in the door behind him, carrying a ziploc bag filled with ice and a weary look on her face as she took in his bruising. Joe met her weary eyes in the stained mirror. She was in his LSU hoodie that was three sized too big, her face bare and her hair pulled back from her face in a low bun. She was unfairly beautiful, and very tired.

'I can do it' Joe told her.

She shook him off. 'I want too.'

She took a step closer, moving to be in front of him. The air between them was so quiet. She gently grazed her fingers over the bruising, Joe jolted -- not in pain, just at the feeling of her caress. When she carefully pushed the ice pack to his skin, he winced.

'Stay still.' She told him.

This was the most intimate thing they had done. Joe knew it. Daisy knew it. The air around them knew it too. Both of their hearts pounding in their chests as they did something so close. Both their guards fully lowered to the ground, they never did that. They never let each other in this much.

Joe looked down to her -- at the way she was chewing on her plump baby pink lips in a deep concentration, like she was scared she was going to break him. Her hands were steady, but he could feel just how tense she was. She was trying to tell herself this didn't mean anything, but they both knew it did.

'I'll be okay' Joe's words come out quieter than he wants, so soft and endearing unintentionally.

'I didn't like watching that happen to you.' Her own words came out in a stark rawness.

He reached out and brushed a stray hair behind her ear before he could realised the intimacy of the action, Daisy froze moving the ice pack back from his torso in shock. Joe committed to his action, letting his hand cup the soft cheeks of her face.

'I imagine you felt the way I felt when I got that call from you in the bathroom stall'

'I don't know, you'd have to tell me how that made you feel Joe' Her response startled him, she was asking him to tell her how he felt. What are we? but in a different font and that scared him. He dropped his hand from her cheek and looked away back into the mirror. Daisy placed the ice back on his bare skin. She knew he wouldn't answer her. She wouldn't have answered him either.

Some things were best left lingering in blissful ignorance.

[livingdreams97]

Jackie Taylor -- "Our Destiny" (Part 1)

Jackie Taylor x Male reader/oc

Summary: What happens when a plane crashes in the middle of the Canadian Wilderness full of teenagers? How something as traumatic as that can affect the people and and how they find comfort in each other.

Words: 6.190

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Masterlist

(For the reader I thought of Wolfgang Novogratz, but everyone can imagine reader how they want.)

________1996________

Your POV 

I drop the pieces of firewood I've collected into the pile on the ground and sit down on the stump to rest for a bit. I've spent the last three hours walking between the woods and the cabin collecting firewood non-stop, and I need a break.

From my vantage point, I can see what some of the girls are doing and I sit there for a moment watching them. Things are a bit tense lately, some of the girls are acting a bit weird and especially Lottie.

After what happened at the Seance a few weeks ago, I've noticed that Lottie has been a bit quieter, more withdrawn and distracted, as if she were in her own world.

This worries me a lot, because I don't know if her behavior could be due to the lack of medication or something else. It's the first time since she was diagnosed that she has gone so long without taking her medication and I don't know what the consequences of this could be.

Taissa: Hey.- she greets me standing next to me. -I've been thinking about something and I want to know if you'd like to join me.- she tells me and I focus my gaze on her.

Y/n: Hey.- I greeted back looking at her with curiosity. -Should I be afraid of what you thought?- I asked her with a certain humor.

Taissa: Considering you're scared of bees... - she mocks me with a big smile.

Y/n: I'm not afraid of bees, I'm allergic to them, ALLERGIC and I could die if they sting me. - I reproach her with an offended grimace.

Taissa: Whatever.- she dismisses me with her hand and a smile. - I've been thinking and I realise we should get out of here in search of help or something to eat. It's possible that the animals are migrating or that there's someone out there.- she tells me and I look at her a bit skeptically.

Y/n: I don't know Tai, if there was someone they would have appeared a long time ago from the noise the plane made against the ground.- I comment somewhat unsure.

Taissa: But what if there is someone or a small town far away enough so that they didn't hear the accident? - she tells me with some confidence. - What if there is a small town or a cabin like this one a few days walk away with people who can help us? - she hypothesizes with a small smile.

Y/n: And if there isn't one? - I ask trying to be realistic, since even with her approach the radius that the noise of the accident would had reached, is very extensive.

Taissa: And if there isn't, maybe we can find animals or something to bring back to camp.- she insists with a confident gesture.

Y/n: I don't know Tai.- I deny getting up from the stump. -I can't just get up and leave Lottie here.- I sigh looking towards where the mentioned one is.

Taissa: Lottie is old enough for you to keep an eye on her.- she assures me, crossing her arms.

Y/n: Are you going to tell me that you haven't noticed a differece in her? - I ask her, focusing my attention back on her.

Taissa: Different? More like a little disturbed.- she comments and I look at her badly, making her throw her hands in the air. -Sorry, it was a joke.- she apologizes immediately. -But still, it's not your responsibility.- she assures me placing a hand on my shoulder.

Y/n: She's my twin sister, of course she's my responsibility.- I remind her with a grimace. -I can't just leave her here for I don't know how many days.- I deny letting out a tired sigh.

Taissa: But you're not leaving her because you want to, but because we're going to go find help or food for everyone. This way you're going to help her a lot more than being behind her all day and worrying about everything she does or says. - she assures me with a slight smile and letting her squeeze my shoulder.

Y/n: I'm not sure.- I murmur trying to think of what is the most appropriate thing to do.

Taissa: Give it a tought and tell me.- she tells me in a calm voice.

We both stand in silence for a few seconds, before a commotion comes from the front of the cabin and out of the woods appear Travis and Nat with a dead deer.

Van: Meat, Fuck Yeah! -she exclaims excitedly as she passes by us quickly.

We all immediately approached them, happy that they were able to hunt and that we could eat something other than belt soup.

Van: Wow, that thing is knarly.- she says when both hunters pass by her and she sees the deer's antlers.

Akilah: It's like Freddy Krueger and Bambi had a baby.- she comments with some disgust when they leave the deer on the ground.

Javi: I'm not eating that.-he immediately denies looking at the dead animal.

Ben: Guys, relax.- asks the trainer approaching the deer. -Deer shed their antlers every season. This is normal.- he explains calmly. -Shauna, do the honors?- he asks her, his breathing a little labored from the effort.

Shauna quickly takes the knife out of her backpack, approaches the deer and begins to open its stomach to empty it.

As soon as she opens its stomach, we can all see the worms moving through the deer's organs and I have to look away to avoid throwing up.

Jackie: That's normal too, Coach? - she asks with a disgusted gesture.

Lottie: I'm not crazy.-I hear her mutter in front of me on her knees on the floor.

Laura Lee: No.-she denies in a whisper. -You have a gift.-she assures me and I open my eyes scared at her answer.

Taissa: We cannot keep fucking doing this, you guys.- she assures moving to the side. -What happens when winter gets here? We fucking starve to death or freeze?- she says, upset by the situation. -We can't count on getting rescued anymore. All of us know that is not going to happen, we have to save us.- she says confidently. -That's why I'm gonna go find help. I'm leaving in the morning, come with me if you want to get out of this fucking hellhole. - says as she walks safely into the cabin.

I just stay silent for a few moments, before sighing and walking towards the lake to be alone for a while.

I need to think about what I have to do and it will be impossible to do so near the abaña and the girls. So I walk calmly through the forest, thinking about the pros and cons of going with Taissa or staying with the rest.

Once at the lake, I sit on the shore on the stones and watch the slight movement of the water.

I don't know how long I spend staring at the water, until I hear footsteps behind me and when I look over my shoulder I see Jackie holding a bucket.

Jackie: Hey.- she greets me tiredly, walking towards the shore and filling the bucket with water.

Y/n: Hey.- I greet back watching as she puts the bucket aside and sits next to me. -Do you think Taissa's idea is crazy?- I ask her after a few seconds of silence.

Jackie: I don't know.- she answers with a sigh. -What I do know is that in a certain way she's right and that scares me.- she tells me in a low voice.

Y/n: Is the great captain Jackie Taylor afraid of something? - I asked with humor and receiving a slap on the arm from her.

Jackie: Idiot.- she insults me while laughing and I look at her with a proud smile for making her laugh.

Since the accident, I have noticed that Jackie is the one who is having the most difficulty adapting to the situation and that her mood is increasingly sad.

She is the one who has always been sure that they would come to rescue us and I have realized that with each passing day, that hope of being rescued is disappearing more and more from her eyes.

Y/n: Now seriously, you're afraid that they won't rescue us, right? - I ask her softly.

Jackie: It's been months and still no one has shown up.- she answers me with some apprehension in her voice.

Y/n: That doesn't mean they aren't looking for us.- I tell her to try to cheer her up a little.

Jackie: No, but it doesn't mean they'll find us either.- she whispers, placing her knees against her chest and her chin on them. -We both know that with each day that passes without them finding us, the probability that they'll stop looking for us and leave us for dead increases.- she explains to me with some fear and sadness in her voice.

I sigh with some sadness at her words, because in a way she is right and I don't want to think about it.

I approach the soccer captain, standing just a few inches away from her body and placing my hand on her lower back and moving it in circles to try to comfort her.

She leans into me and places her head on my shoulder relaxing her body against mine.

Y/n: They will find us, I promise.- I whisper against her head, resting my forehead on it. -But I need you to promise me something.- I ask her, swallowing hard.

Jackie: What? - she whispers, getting closer to my body and hugging me around my waist.

Y/n: Promise me that you will take care of Lottie when I'm not here.- I ask her with some fear that the madness I'm doing is permanent.

Jackie: What are you talking about? - she asks me, separating from me and looking at me with concern.

Y/n: I'm going to go with Tai.- I answer and she immediately shakes her head.

Jackie: You can't go, you can't, not you.- she tells me with some panic.

Y/n: I have to do it.- I assure her, looking her in the eyes. -I have to try, Lottie is not well and we can't continue like this much longer. The least I can do is try and seek help.- I explain to her with apprehension about the situation.

Jackie: But what if it doesn't work out? If some wild animal appears, or you guys get lost and can't get back, or any of the thousands of other things that could happen? - she asks me worriedly, waving her hands in an exaggerated manner.

Y/n: Nothing is going to happen.- I assure her, grabbing her hands and trying to calm her down. -The worst that could happen is that we don't find anything and we have to come back empty handed.- I explain to convince her.

Jackie: But what if...- she continues with the possibilities but I interrupt her before she can say anything else.

Y/n: Nothing is going to happen.- I tell her confidently and without taking my gaze off hers.

Jackie: Nothing is going to happen.- she repeats, nodding her head and looking me straight in the eyes.

We stay a few more moments looking into each other's eyes, before she puts her head back on my shoulder and hugs me tightly around the waist.

I put my arms around her shoulders, resting my head on hers and letting the sound of the lake be the only thing that can be heard.

Jackie's POV

It's been two and a half days since Akilah, Van, Taissa, Misty, Y/n and Mari went out in search of something.

As I promised Y/n, I've been keeping an eye on Lottie and talking to her at least a couple of times a day, to see how she's doing.

I try to ask her simple questions, so she doesn't feel like I'm interrogating her and get defensive.

But at most ,she will lose focus during the conversation and stare off into the distance for a few moments before continuing with the conversation like nothing. Which is not entirely worrying.

Plus, she and Laura Lee spend all day together, so it gives me some peace of mind that at least she's not out in the woods alone.

On the other hand, I have discovered that my best friend, the person in whom I had complete trust, has lied to me and betrayed me in the worst possible way.

Our entire friendship based on sincerity and trust has been a farce.

I knew something wasn't right the moment she told me her story with Randy and how she got pregnant.

If what she told me about losing her virginity at Mari's birthday party were to be true, she would have told me as soon as it happened. But she didn't and the biggest lie is that Jeff and I took drunk Randy home that night.

So it couldn't have been after we left and it couldn't have been before either, since Shauna was with me, Jeff and some of her friends all night.

But I didn't know that the reason for her lie and the person she actually slept with was my boyfriend.

My best friend has betrayed me in the worst way possible and has slept with my boyfriend. Also, in her diary are written all the times they did it and it wasn't just once, it was several times.

I don't know how she could do this to me, sleep with my own boyfriend and then get pregnant by him. How could she do this to me. How can she look at me in the eyes and lie in my face with no trace of guilt.

I don't even know how to look at her face without imagining them together, without feeling betrayed and imagining everything else she could have lied to me about.

I quickly get up from my chair when I see Misty, Mari and Akilah appearing through the forest, almost out of breath.

Jackie: Oh, my god. What happened?- I ask them, walking quickly and holding Misty before she fell to the ground.

Shauna: Where are Van, Tai and Y/n? -she asks, also getting up from her chair.

Misty: She...she told...she told us to leave them. We had to get help.-she tells us as best she can between breaths and Nat and Shauna grab her.

Lottie: Where is Y/n?-she asks Mari with a certain panic in her voice.

Laura Lee: Show us which way to go.- she asks her, grabbing her by the shoulders and staring at her.

Misty points to the path they came from and we all quickly set off.

We run quickly, following the instructions and directions given to us by Misty, who is at the head of everyone.

After running for a while, the darkness begins to hide everything around us and we decide that the best thing to do is to walk. So, lighting some lanterns, we walk quickly, looking everywhere.

Shauna: Van! - she shouts from in front of me.

Laura Lee: Taissa!- she shouts loudly from the front of the group.

Lottie: Y/n!- she shouts from behind me with obvious concern.

Laura Lee: Are you sure you came this way? -she asks the one leading us through the darkness.

Misty: I.. I don't know. I can't see anything.- she answers with uncertainty in her voice. -It's so dark.-she says looking around.

We stopped for a few seconds to catch our breath and looked around for something to guide us. It was then that we heard a noise and saw one of the flares rising between the trees.

Laura Lee: It's them.-she points with her finger and we quickly start running in that direction.

We run for a couple of minutes between the trees, immediately spotting the three of them on their knees on the ground and looking very bad.

Lottie: Y/n!- she exclaims, running towards her brother and kneeling next to him on the ground.

When we get closer we can see why the urgency, as Van has her face covered with rags and we can see the blood on her clothes. As can the pale color on Taissa and Y/n's faces.

We set off immediately, with most of the girls carrying Van, Misty and Laura Lee helping Tai, and Lotti and I carrying her brother.

As I help him up from the floor, I place a hand on his side and feel something cold and wet against my palm.

I raise my hand to my face, feeling my heart racing in my ears and my throat feeling dry as I swallow. I open my eyes, startled, when I make out the reddish color of blood in the light from the lanterns.

Jackie: Y/n.- I murmur scared seeing the boy's pale and sweaty face.

Misty: We have to get them there as soon as possible so we can stitch up their wounds.- she says hurriedly, encouraging us to walk as quickly as possible to the cabin.

So as quickly as possible, we managed to get to the cabin in record time and the girls got going.

Misty: Who goes first? - she asks as they clear the table, place candles around it, and Akilah searches for the materials.

Y/n: Van has to go first.- he answers in a low voice. -She is worse than me, I can hold on.- he assures the group with a small grimace.

Shauna: Van, are you ready? - she asks as they lay her down on the candlelit table.

The redhead lets out a grunt of pain, as Lottie and I place Y/n into one of the chairs.

Misty: We have to take off his clothes from the waist up. - She approaches us and reaches out her hands to do it.

Jackie: No.- I stop her immediately. -Lottie and I will do it.- I assure her, standing in front of her so she doesn't come any closer.

Misty: With the shirt you will have to press the wound to stop it from bleeding further.- she explains to me and I nod knowing what I have to do.

I turn towards the injured boy, approaching with uncertain steps and observing him in more detail thanks to the light from the cabin.

The black haired man, his green eyes are half-closed due to tiredness, has lost all the color in his face, you can see the sweat soaking his face and the locks of hair that are normally pushed back are stuck to his forehead.

On the other hand, the blue t-shirt and the grey sweatshirt are covered in dirt and blood, as are his jeans.

I quickly approach him, aware that he is not in a very good condition and that every minute is worth gold.

Lottie: You're going to be okay.- she whispers, stroking his hair. -Nothing's going to happen to you, It won't let anything happen to you.- she assures him with conviction and I look at her a little scared by the tone in which she is saying it.

Jackie: Lottie, help me take off his clothes.- I ask my teammate in a hurry.

Y/n: Damm Jackie, I knew you had the hots for me. - he scoffs with sense of humor, letting out a grunt when we move him to take off his sweatshirt.

Jackie: In your dreams.- I tell him with a slight smile, to try to ease the tension and play along.

When we managed to remove his shirt, you can see the wound on his side and it doesn't look good at all.

You can see the wolf's teeth and the cuts they left behind. There are at least five long cuts and about seven fairly large perforations on the side of his stomach and back.

You can see the blood gushing from the wounds and I have to hold back my gagging at the image.

Jackie: This is going to hurt.- I whispered softly, before placing his shirt over the wounds and pressing with both hands to stop the bleeding.

Y/n: Fuck.- he grunts in pain trying to get away from my hands.

Jackie: Lottie hold him.- I ask her, making her grab him by the shoulders and hold him still.

I press my hands against the wounds again and this time thanks to Lottie, Y/n doesn't get away from my hands no matter how hard he tries.

But Lottie's strength is affected when Akilah starts stitching Van up and she starts to let out pain-filled grunts.

The brunette immediately sits on the floor, placing her knees against her chest and covering her ears with the palms of her hands.

Y/n: Lot, don't listen.- he growls trying to get his sister's attention. -Lot, look at me.- he stretches his hands towards her with great effort. -Charlotte Matthews look at me right now.- he orders her and she surprisingly does it. -Come closer.- he asks her with a sigh.

Lottie walks over to her brother and he immediately pulls her close to his body. As I apply pressure to his wound, I can hear him whispering things to his sister to reassure her and distract her from what's happening on the other side of the room.

But after a few moments, I stop hearing the whispers from Y/n and I look at his closed eyes.

Jackie: Shit! - I exclaimed scared, stopping pressing on the wound and grabbing his cheeks. -Y/n, wake up. Keep your eyes open, wake up! - I exclaimed hitting him on the cheek trying to get him to react but nothing.

Lottie: Y/n.- she whispers, separating herself from her brother's thigh and looking at him scared. -It's not your turn.- she murmurs confused, placing her hand on her brother's bare chest.

Jackie: Girls hurry up, Y/n has lost consciousness! - I shout for them to hear me, without stopping hitting the boy's cheeks and trying to wake him up.

Natalie: Don't fuck with me.- she growls when she reaches us and takes his pulse. -Does anyone else know how to sew?- she asks the girls with some panic.

Misty: Me! - she exclaims quickly raising her hand.

I look at Nat, a little unsure and worried that Misty will stitch up Y/n's wound and I can see that she feels the same as me.

Natalie: We have no choice.- she murmurs, looking at me with apprehension. -Misty, grab a needle and thread quickly. We'll put him on the floor.- she says, grabbing him by one of his arms.

I do the same and with Lottie's help we get him on the ground as quickly as possible.

Misty: I have everything.- she tells us, throwing herself on her knees beside us. -I need more light.- she tells us while she begins to put the thread on the curved needle for fishing.

Nat: I'm going to get more candles.- she says getting up and I do the same with her.

We both grab some candles and run back to where Y/n, Lottie and Misty are. We place the candles on the ground near the wound, lighting them so Misty can see what she's stitching.

I swallow hard, feeling my hands shake from fear and worry that Y/n will die.

I move to the other side of Misty, kneeling at his hip and grabbing his hand. I bring the hand to my chest, praying that Misty will stitch him up quickly so that the bleeding stops and he can survive.

Your POV

I pull the chair over next to Jackie's and sit down a bit carefully, trying not to let the stitches pull too hard. But I can't help but let out a little grunt as I lean forward and take my share of the bear meat.

Jackie: Are you okay? - she asks me in a whisper, placing her hand on my thigh and leaving a light squeeze there.

Y/n: Yeah, I just moved too fast.- I play it down with a smile and she returns it.

She also leans forward and receives her plate with her ration from the redhead, while the others talk about whether we should wait for Nat and Travis or not.

Van: Lottie, last night you said we wouldn't be hungry much longer. How did you know? -she asks my sister and I feel my body tense immediately.

Everything that happened last night was absolutely crazy and I don't know what the hell went through their heads to make them act the way they did.

Because the mushroom excuse doesn't work for me, since we're all supposed to have eaten them and not all of us tried to sacrifice Travis. Especially not with the way my own sister, Shauna, and Mari jumped on me when I came down from the attic with Jackie, before Travis showed up completely out of it and they jumped on him immediately.

Lottie: I just did.-she answers, chewing what she has in her mouth.

Y/n: She didn't know anything, it was pure coincidence, okay? - I say seriously and avoiding looking at my sister at all costs.

Jackie: Yeah, it's called getting lucky.- she supports me, giving my thigh another squeeze. - The bear probably just smelled us and came looking for food, okay? Probably had something wrong with him. - she says in a logical way to take a bite of her meat.

Misty: It didn't look sick.-she denies sitting to my right.

Mari: Honestly, at this point I don't even think I care.- she says sitting at the table. -Can we just eat?- she asks, wanting to leave the subject aside.

Van: Wait.- she asks, drawing everyone's attention. -Should we maybe... say something? Like... like thanks or grace or.. whatever- she asks, somewhat unsure.

The dining room falls completely silent for a few moments, during which no one knows what to say or how to act in response to the question.

Taissa: Yeah.-she nods, leaving her glass on the table. -Just make it quick.-she asks her girlfriend and I can't help the frustrated grunt that escapes me.

Van: Lot?- she asks my sister and I can only roll my eyes and continue eating.

Lottie: Sure, let's join our hands.-she says leaving her ration aside and shaking hands with the trainer and Shauna.

From my peripheral vision, I see a hand approaching from my right, so I look up from my plate and see Misty holding out her hand to me.

I just stare at her for a few seconds, alternating my gaze between her eyes and her hand, before shaking my head and turning my head towards Jackie, seeing that she thinks the same as me.

Lottie: For this gift from the wilderness, we give our thanks.-she begins to say and my right knee begins to bounce from the tension.

Van: Thank you.- she says to my sister's words, urging her to continue.

Lottie: To the spirit of the bear, who sacrificed so that we could survive, we give our thanks.-she says and they all give thanks. -And to the ancient gods of the sky and the dirt, we give our thanks.-it continues and everyone thanks again.

Misty: You two didn't say it.-she whispers looking at the girl to my left and me. -Jackie and Y/n didn't say it.- she accuses us loudly so that everyone present knows.

Y/n: The fuck is your problem?-I asked the curly-haired blonde with a murderous look.

Jackie: No, I didn't thank the dirt for bringing us a brain-dead bear. What is even happening right now? -she asks, impressed by the group's attitude. -The fuck is wrong with you all?- she asks the girls, leaning forward.

Taissa: It's fine, you guys. They don't have to... -she comes to our defense but the team captain interrupts her.

Jackie: Oh, shut up Tai.- she scoffs at her. -Don't pretend like you weren't a part of it. What, we're... we're just not going to talk about it? - she asks everyone present. -We just howl at the moon now and have fucking orgies or support incest?- she says and I tense up even more at the last thing she said. -And somehow we are the ones who did something wrong? -She shrugs her shoulders, angry at the whole situation.

Ben: Whoa, wait, what?- he asks completely surprised by what he just heard.

Shauna: Jackie, calm down.-she asks her best friend, but I can see that this only makes her angrier.

Jackie: Don't tell me to calm down!-she exclaims angrily, getting up from her chair. - What were you gonna do to Travis last night, Sahuna? - she asks, approaching her and crossing her arms. -Answer me.-she asks after a few seconds of silence.

Shauna: I don't know. I don't remember. -she answers with some uncertainty, her gaze fixed on the ground.

Jackie: Bullshit.-she reproaches, not believing what she has just heard. -You had a knife to his throat. If we hadn't come, you would have killed him.- she accuses her with total honesty.

Shauna: Just shut up!-she exclaims angrily, getting up from her seat. -None of this would have happened if it wasn't for you. If you hadn't...-she accuses quickly, approaching her without finishing the sentence.

Jackie: Hadn't what? Huh?-she asks without reacting to his proximity. -Stolen him? Wow. The irony.- she scoffs again. -Shauna was fucking Jeff behind my back, you know that?- she asks and I open my eyes in surprise. -Yeah. That's who's really responsible for her little bundle of joy.-she tells everyone present and I stare at her, worried about her.

Shauna: It was you.-she accuses her with a certain hurt tone. -You read my journal.-she explains without taking her eyes off the one who was her best friend.

Jackie: How could you? - she accuses her with pain in her voice. -You were my best friend. You.. you.. you don't even like him.-she says in a hurt face.

Shauna : And how would you know? - she asks her angrily with a broken voice. -You're so obsessed with yourself, I'm surprised I'm aware other people even exist.-she reproaches this time with some malice.

Y/n: Girls, I think it's best to stop now.- I say, getting up and leaving the empty plate aside.

Shauna: You know you never even asked me if I wanted to go to Rutgers? You just assumed I would go wherever you wanted.-She reproaches her with more and more annoyance in her voice. -You tell me what to wear, what to do, who to hook up with. I don't even like soccer!-shouts the last part. -But you just get everything you want. All the time like it's nothing. And the rest of us, we are just extras in the movie of your fucking life.- she accuses her angrily and with some pain in her tone.

Jackie: Oh, my God. You are such a cliché.- she exclaims, hurt and upset by what she just said. -Oh, is the.. is the sad little sidekick mad?- she asks with a certain sarcasm. -Did I force you to live in my shadow, Shauna? It must be hard being this jealous all the time.-she says, earning a short laugh in response.

Y/n: Girls, seriously, stop.- I ask them taking a couple of steps towards them, but a hand on my sweatshirt stops me. -What are you doing?- I ask Van confused and she shakes her head.

Jackie: What? You're so fucking jealous of me, you can barely breathe.-she reproaches Shipman, hurt and angry with her.

Shauna: Are you quoting Beaches at me right now? - she asks with a gesture of confusion.

Jackie: What? No.-she denies, confused by the question.

Shauna: I'm not jealous of you, Jackie. I fell sorry for you. Because you're weak and I think that deep down, you know it. - she says taking a few steps towards her. -I'm sure everyone back home is so fucking sad to be losing their perfect little princess, but they will never know how tragic and boring and insecure you really are.- she continues without measuring her words. -Or how high school was the best your life was ever going to get.-she finishes saying in a somewhat aggressive way and I can see the damage those words are doing to Jax.

Jackie: Fuck you.-she says with a slightly broken voice. -That's it. You know what? That's it. Get.. get out.-she orders pointing to the cabin door.

Y/n: Jax, stop.-I ask her, trying to get closer, but the redhead keeps holding me by the clothes and preventing me from doing so.

Jackie: Go on, get out.-she repeats with a little more force.

Shauna: No.- she shakes her head, her eyes wide.

Jackie: I can't be around you, I... I can't even fucking look at you right now.- She says completely hurt.

Shauna: Well, that sounds like your problem. So maybe you should leave.-she ignores the order and stands in her place while maintaining eye contact.

Everyone remains completely silent for a few seconds, processing the words of the two friends and the situation that is happening at this moment.

Mari: Maybe you would be better off, since we're all so crazy.-she reproaches the captain, supporting Shauna.

Ben: Okay, everybody just stop. Nobody is going outside.-he orders us all seriously.

Lottie: Stay out of it, Coach.-she tells him with a murderous look.

Y/n: No, you stay out of it. You already did enough last night.-I say to my twin, giving her a dirty look, angry and fed up with her attitude.

Jackie: You know what? Fine.-she says walking towards the sleeping things and grabbing her blanket and pillow.

Taissa: Jackie, come on. Don't go outside.-she asks her friend, somewhat tired.

Jackie: Don't pretend like this isn't what you wanted the entire fucking time.- she responds with obvious anger.

Y/n: Don't be silly, Jax.- I ask her, releasing myself from Van's grip and walking towards her. -The temperatures are dropping and sleeping outside is dangerous.- I assure her, worried about her.

Jackie: I don't care, I'm not going to be where I'm not wanted and clearly this isn't it.- she denies looking me in the eyes. -I don't even know who you are anymore.-she says to the one who was her best friend.

Shauna: Or maybe you never did.-she assures her and that is all she needs to leave the cabin and slam the door.

The room is tensely silent for a few moments, until I hear a murmur and explode.

Y/n: What the hell is wrong with you two? - I ask completely angry. - We are all here together, for better and for worse, and no one has more right than anyone to be in the cabin. - I comment looking at the pregnant girl. - And let me tell you that as a friend, you leave a lot to desire. Not only have you betrayed your best friend, but you have dumped all your frustration on her and used her insecurities against her to hurt her. What kind of best friend does that? - I ask her completely impressed by her evilness.

Shauna: You don't know anything.- she claims, directing her anger towards me.

Y/n: And I don't need to know.- I deny between my teeth. -With what I just saw, it seems more than enough to know what kind of person you are and believe me, you are not the type I want by my side in a situation like the one we are in.- I finish looking at her with repulsion, before grabbing two blankets and a pillow to leave the cabin.

Lottie: You can't go out.- she forbids me, standing in front of the door so I can't open it.

Y/n: Charlotte, get out of the way right now.- I ordered her, annoyed by her attitude.

Lottie: No.- she denies strongly and crosses her arms.

Y/n: You move or I move you. But I'm not staying here with you two. - I assure her, looking at her with my eyes half closed.

Lottie: No.- she repeats in a slower manner, but with the same authoritative tone of voice.

Y/n: You asked for it.- I remind her grabbing her by the arm and pulling her to the side, trying not to use too much force to hurt her, but enough to move her.

Once I push her away from the door, I open it and walk outside, slamming the door behind me.

At the sound of the door, Jackie turns her head towards me at the noise and frowns when she sees me.

I just walk towards her, dropping the things in my arms to the ground and sitting on the wooden log carefully.

Jackie: What are you doing? - she asks me in a low and broken voice without taking her eyes off me.

Y/n: Keeping you company.- I answer shrugging my shoulders. -You're crazy if you think I'm going to leave you here alone and stay in there with them.- I explain looking at her as if she were crazy, causing a small laugh from her at my gesture.

Jackie: Thank you.- she whispers looking at her hands.

Y/n: You don't have to thank me for anything.- I assure her with an amused grimace.

I put one of my arms over her shoulders, pulling her close to my body. I place a kiss on her forehead, feeling her snuggle up against my chest and hug my waist tightly, but careful of my wounds.

She looks up at me, placing a hand on the back on my neck and pulling at It to join our lips in a soft kiss. When she pulls away, her eyes shine full off life ande a small smile appears in her face.

We just sit together outside watching the sun disappear and observing the flames of the fire move in the darkness of the forest night.

[greenxgloss]

I love you and your blog, but I also want drama! What do you think of fuckboy!yoongi and some very ordinary, modest OC. Maybe he bet on it, or any other situation from basic teen movies.

Thank you.... (*´∀｀*)ﾉ

A/n: so so sorry this took so long wow life's been unexpectedly busy for the last few months. i hope you loved this! sorry about any inconsistencies or repetitions I tried my best. i liked this concept a lot so if anyone wants a part two lmk!

Color-Coded Chaos (MYG)

Summary: You never believed in people like Min Yoongi—beautiful, dangerous, and born to break hearts—until he swaggered into your life pretending to need tutoring, only to crack your carefully ordered world wide open. What started as a dare slowly unraveled into something real, and after betrayal, heartbreak, and a quiet apology in a lecture hall, you both found your way back to each other—hand in hand, maybe even starting over.

Word Count: 3.1k Themes: Angst, fluff, slight Emotional manipulation / betrayal, slight Toxic masculinity / objectification, Smoking references, Opposites attract, Power of emotional intimacy over physical

You didn’t believe in people like Min Yoongi.

The kind who strutted through life like it was a runway and everyone else just got in the way. The kind who smelled like expensive cologne and bad decisions, who laughed like they’d never been hurt and looked at you like they could ruin you for fun.

And maybe they could.

Everyone on campus knew Yoongi. Not for his grades or attendance, but for the trail of broken hearts he left in his wake. He was charming—too charming—and never stuck around long enough for anyone to call it love. You’d overheard girls whispering about him in the library, their voices equal parts giddy and bitter. Rumor had it, if Yoongi smiled at you in the hallway, you’d fall. And if he kissed you, you’d disappear from his life like you’d never mattered in the first place.

You, on the other hand, folded laundry on Sunday nights and used the same grocery list every week. You didn’t chase chaos—you color-coded it, shelved it, and prayed it didn’t follow you home.

So naturally, Min Yoongi showed up at your door on a Thursday.

“Hey,” he drawled, leaning against your doorframe like it owed him something. His hoodie was half-zipped, revealing just enough inked skin and collarbone to make your mouth dry. “You tutor, right? English?”

You blinked.

“…Yes?”

He smiled. Slow. Crooked. Dangerous.

“Perfect. I’m failing, and apparently, you’re my last hope.”

And just like that, your quiet little world cracked open—one smug smirk at a time.

For the next few weeks, Yoongi started showing up at your place every Friday for tutoring. Which would’ve made more sense if you hadn’t distinctly remembered him being at the top of the class when you last checked the leaderboard. A near-perfect score on the last midterm, too. You weren’t stupid—you knew he didn’t need your help. But he kept showing up, and you kept letting him.

Maybe it was the way he’d sit across from you, half-sprawled in the chair like it personally offended him, eyes heavy-lidded and bored—until you’d ask a question and suddenly he was all attention, staring at you like he was trying to memorize the shape of your mouth. His glances stretched a little too long. His fingers brushed yours a little too often when you passed him notes. And last session, he barely touched the textbook, instead asking you out of nowhere what your favorite color was, then laughed like it was the most normal thing in the world.

You didn’t know what his game was, but you didn’t hate it.

Which is why, now—4:00 p.m. on the dot—you were checking the clock again and tapping your pen against your notebook with increasing impatience.

He was late.

Not fashionably late, not “I’ll be there in five” late. Just… nothing. No text, no call. It was unlike him. For all his flirtatious nonsense and fake academic helplessness, Yoongi was weirdly punctual. Always five minutes early, actually. Always with that smug little smirk and some sarcastic comment about your doorbell. But today? Silence.

Your stomach twisted with something you didn’t want to name. Not worry, exactly. Not disappointment, either. But it lingered in your chest anyway, tightening every time you refreshed your messages and saw nothing new.

And maybe the worst part was that you actually missed him. Missed his stupid smirks. Missed the way he tapped his pen against his bottom lip while pretending to struggle with a problem you both knew he could solve in his sleep. Missed the way his energy changed last session—more distant, weirdly quiet, eyes darting around like he wanted to say something but couldn’t bring himself to. It stuck with you longer than it should’ve.

So when the knock finally came—4:22, not that you were counting—you jumped.

And suddenly, you weren’t sure if you wanted to yell at him for making you wait…

Or ask what the hell was going on with him.

“You’re late,” you said, the second you opened the door. No greeting, no smile. Just those two clipped words, sharp as the little sting in your chest.

Yoongi breezed past you like he owned the place—like he hadn’t just kept you waiting for almost half an hour with no explanation and no message. He smelled like cigarettes and something faintly minty, like he’d just popped a gum in, maybe to cover the former.

“Something came up, sorry,” he muttered, barely looking at you as he settled into the usual spot across from your desk, dropping his bag down with a heavy thud. He cleared his throat and leaned back like nothing was wrong.

“You could’ve texted me.” The words came out more anxious than angry, and you immediately regretted how fragile they sounded. You hated that it exposed how much you cared. You hated it even more when Yoongi finally looked at you and smirked.

His tongue flicked across his cupid’s bow as his eyes roamed up and down, slow and unreadable. “I’m sorry, doll,” he said, voice low, almost teasing. “Didn’t mean to leave you hanging. I promise I’ll let you know next time.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he tilted his head slightly, his eyes gleaming under his messy fringe. “Did you miss me?”

You tried not to physically recoil from the impact of those three words, but your throat tightened like it didn’t want you to answer. You crossed your arms instead, feigning composure, even as your pulse betrayed you. “What’s up with you lately?” you asked, and it came out breathier than you’d intended. “You’ve been… weird.”

Yoongi grinned, cocky and unbothered. “Weird?” he repeated. “Or charming in a way that’s finally working?”

You scoffed, but he was already pulling the textbook toward him with one hand while opening his laptop with the other, eyes never really leaving you. “Playing coy this far in?” he asked. “Cute.”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t deny the warmth blooming down your spine when he said it. The way he looked at you right now, like he saw straight through your defenses, like he was daring you to keep pretending you didn’t like the attention—it was dangerous.

He pushed the laptop aside without even logging in, fingers drumming against the table as he leaned forward again, closing the space between you by a few inches. His knee brushed against yours, and neither of you moved away.

“I think we both know why I’m really here,” he murmured, voice all syrup and suggestion. “And it’s not for help with English.”

You swallowed hard. “I already know you’re at the top of your class. You’re not exactly subtle, Yoongi. ”

“Don’t need to be. Not with you.”

It hung in the air between you like a held breath, thick and slow and inevitable. His eyes dropped to your lips just as yours did the same, and the tension coiled so tightly in your chest you could barely hold it together.

You were leaning forward before you even realized. So was he.

Then buzz.

Your eyes dropped to his phone, lighting up just beside the edge of the textbook.

A name flashed across the screen you didn’t recognize.

“Have you fucked her yet? Time’s ticking on that bet, Yoongi.”

Your heart dropped—fast and brutal—like a trapdoor opening beneath your chest.

Yoongi noticed the shift in your expression right away. The way your shoulders pulled back, the blood draining from your face, the stiff way you leaned back like you were suddenly too close to something dirty.

His smirk faltered. “Shit,” he muttered, snatching the phone off the table and flipping it screen-down, like that could erase the message you very clearly read. Like you didn’t just catch him red-handed.

But it was too late.

You sat back slowly, pulse roaring in your ears, your stomach knotted so tight it ached.

“Guess English is the least complicated thing about you,” you said flatly, the words sharper than you expected. But you couldn’t stop the way they cut through the air. Couldn’t stop the crack forming in your chest from widening.

Yoongi blinked, stunned quiet. And for once, he didn’t have a comeback ready on his tongue. No cocky remark. No lazy grin.

He swallowed thickly, sitting up straighter in his seat.

“Wait—wait, it’s not what it looks like.”

You laughed bitterly, eyes narrowing. “Really? Because it looks exactly like some asshole making a bet with his friends about a girl stupid enough to let him into her space.”

“No,” he said quickly, voice firmer now, desperate. “That’s not what it was about. That was—fuck—it was a joke that got out of hand. It wasn’t like that, not really.”

You raised your eyebrows, crossing your arms so tight you nearly folded in on yourself. “You’re seriously going to try to explain that message away?”

Yoongi leaned forward, his tone more raw than you’d ever heard it. “It was a dare. Weeks ago. It wasn’t supposed to go this far.”

“Oh, great,” you scoffed. “So you meant to use me casually, but accidentally started showing up too much and now what—guilt?”

“No,” he said again, louder this time, his voice cracking slightly. “I didn’t mean for any of this to feel like—like anything. But then I actually started enjoying coming here. I liked talking to you. I do.”

Your silence weighed heavy between you.

You didn’t trust your voice, not when your throat was tight and your heartbeat was pressing against your ribs like it wanted out. The words hit harder than you expected, like they were scraping past the parts of you that had hoped he cared—even after everything. Even after the message. After the humiliation.

And still… you wanted to believe him.

You looked at him—really looked. There was no smirk on his face, no playful deflection. Just a slight flush in his cheeks and the tiniest tremble in his fingers as they curled around the edge of the desk.

He meant it.

And that was the worst part. Because it would’ve been easier if he didn’t.

You pressed your palms to your thighs, grounding yourself. You hated how warm your chest felt, how much your body wanted to move toward him even though your brain screamed don’t be stupid.

Still, your voice came out quieter than you'd intended. “You hurt me.”

Yoongi’s shoulders dropped, and for the first time since you met him, he looked small.

“I know,” he whispered. “And I’ll keep showing you that I didn’t want to.”

Your stomach twisted. You didn’t forgive him—not yet—but something in you softened. The part that had spent weeks laughing with him, catching his glances when he thought you weren’t looking. The part that felt like falling every time he said your name like it meant something.

So you said nothing. Just breathed slowly, still trying to figure out if your heart was breaking again or trying to start over.

Either way, you didn’t move away when he leaned just slightly closer. And he didn’t push. The silence between you stayed, but it wasn’t heavy anymore.

It was waiting.

Yoongi ran a hand through his hair, his confidence completely gone now—replaced with something messy, anxious. Real.

“I know I’m not the guy you’re into,” he continued quietly. “I know I’m... not the type who deserves the kind of attention you give when you’re reading. Like the world could fall apart and you wouldn’t notice.” He looked up at you then, his eyes darker now, softer. “But I noticed you. Way before the dare. I was just too much of a coward to talk to you without something stupid pushing me. We both know you’d never go for a guy like me on a regular day. And im sure your reservations are completely valid.”

You looked at him, jaw tight, throat tight, everything tight. And despite the words—despite the pleading in his voice—you still didn’t know what was worse. That you had let your guard down for someone like him… or that part of you still wanted to believe him.

“Then prove it,” you said finally, voice quiet but sharp. “Tell your friends whatever game you were playing is over. And don’t come back unless you mean it.”

Yoongi stared at you for a long second. Then nodded once—slowly. “I will,” he said. “I swear. Just… don’t write me off yet.” He stood, stuffing his phone in his pocket without looking at it again. You didn’t watch him walk to the door. You just listened to it shut behind him, and finally let yourself exhale.

But the ache in your chest didn’t go anywhere.

Not yet.

-

The lecture hall was colder than usual, or maybe it was just you.

You sat in your usual seat near the middle, notebook open but untouched, pen resting between your fingers while Professor Han droned on about the symbolism of decay in The Picture of Dorian Gray. It should’ve been interesting—Oscar Wilde always was—but your mind was elsewhere.

On the boy who hadn’t texted.

On the boy who almost kissed you.

On the boy who made you feel like a fool, and then like maybe—maybe—you weren’t.

The door creaked open behind you.

You didn’t turn, but you didn’t need to.

A quiet shuffle. A familiar cologne. A light exhale before the weight of someone sat beside you. Yoongi.

He didn’t say anything at first. Just sat close—closer than usual—and let the silence stretch until it nearly broke.

Then softly, “Hey.”

You didn’t respond, eyes still on your notebook. But you didn’t move away either.

“I told them,” he said next, voice barely above a whisper. “Group chat’s gone. I told them it was over. That it was a shitty thing to do. That I wasn’t going through with it. I should’ve done it way earlier.”

You finally glanced at him.

His eyes were already on you. No smirk. No lazy confidence. Just Yoongi, with his heart in his throat and something real in his gaze.

“And?” you said, barely audible, but he heard you.

“And I meant what I said yesterday. I liked coming over. I liked being around you. It wasn’t just for a joke.” He scratched the back of his neck, sheepish. “I think I just used it as an excuse to get close. And that was a coward move.”

You swallowed, turning back to the front of the room for a second.

Professor Han was still talking. Pages were turning. The world kept spinning.

But when Yoongi’s pinky brushed yours on the shared desk, you didn’t pull away.

“Don’t think I’m letting you off easy,” you murmured.

A ghost of a smile touched his lips. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You shook your head, biting back a smile. “You’re still annoying.”

“Totally fair.” He leaned in, a little too smug now. “But you missed me.”

You rolled your eyes—but your smile gave you away.

When the lecture ended, neither of you moved at first. Just sat there while the room emptied around you. Then Yoongi stood and held out his hand.

You looked at it. Hesitated for just a beat.

Then slid your hand into his.

Warm. Steady. No games.

And the second your fingers laced together, something in your chest settled.

As you walked out of the lecture hall hand in hand, Yoongi glanced sideways at you.

“So… tutoring tonight? Just tutoring,” he added quickly, though his grin said maybe not just.

You snorted, bumping your shoulder lightly against his. “We’ll see. You don’t even need a tutor.”

A small smirk tugged at his mouth. He tilted his head, eyes shining with amusement. “Which means?” He shrugged, feigning innocence. “Maybe. Or maybe I just really like being around you.”

Your steps slowed.

He glanced away, then back at you through thick lashes, still grinning—but there was something softer underneath it now, something almost nervous. “And if I said that, like... this whole tutoring thing was just an excuse to get close to you?”

You blinked. “Oh… OH—oh my god.”

He laughed at your expression, tugging gently at your hand to keep you walking. “Took you long enough to catch on.”

You rolled your eyes, cheeks burning, but you didn’t pull away from him. You couldn’t. Not when his thumb was brushing softly over the back of your hand, like he’d done it a thousand times before. Like he wanted to memorize the feel of you.

And you both kept walking, sunlight catching on your joined hands like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like it had always been meant to happen this way.

“Wait,” you said after a beat, stopping at the edge of the path beneath a tree just before the student lot.

Yoongi turned, brows lifting. “Yeah?”

You looked at him—really looked at him. Not just at the way his hair curled slightly at the ends from the humidity, or the smudge of sleep still lingering in the corners of his eyes. You looked at the boy who had bulldozed his way into your carefully constructed, quiet little life. The one who had barged in with crooked smirks and infuriating charm, who sent late-night texts that made your heart stutter and your stomach flip even when you told yourself they didn’t mean anything.

You remembered how it all started—how something as stupid as a bet turned into study sessions, pretending and silences that said more than words ever could. An accidental bet, he’d called it. A joke. But here you were, standing still in the gravity of him, and nothing about this felt like a joke anymore.

Your chest tightened.

And before you could think twice, before logic or fear or self-preservation could kick in, you leaned in and kissed him.

He froze, just for a second. Just long enough for doubt to flicker across your thoughts like a match ready to burn. But then—then his lips curved softly against yours, like he’d been waiting for this, hoping for it, maybe even needing it as much as you did.

His hand came up, cupping your jaw with a gentleness that made your breath catch, and he kissed you back—slow and warm and sure. The kind of kiss that felt like it unraveled something inside you. Like he was pulling you closer without tugging, like the universe had shifted half an inch and you were finally where you were supposed to be.

And when he deepened the kiss, just a little, just enough to make your head spin, your knees went loose beneath you. Not from surprise. Not from nerves. But from the undeniable truth that this—whatever this was—had already started to mean something a long time ago.

You just hadn’t let yourself see it. Until now.

When you pulled away, you were breathless. So was he.

“…So, tutoring?” you whispered, voice unsteady.

Yoongi grinned, lips still brushing yours. “Definitely not just.”

➽ Yoongi Masterlist ➽ Main Masterlist ➽ Kpop Masterlist ➽ G Dragon Masterlist ➽ Buy Me a Coffee

[namelessmoons-corner]

Syringa vulgaris - First Love ☆ OP81

From the series petals unfolding, forever anew

Pairing: Oscar Piastri x Mirabelle Desmarais (OC) Summary: It’s 2021. Mirabelle is a florist. Oscar is in need of a Mother’s Day bouquet. The rest is history Wordcount: 4,7k a/n: They’re both disasters. Oscar more than Mirabelle tho

It's finally here! It's past midnight where i am, but i'm so happy with this! Enjoy! (If you want to read the other installment in this series, here it is)

Taken from Youtube (02/05/2021)

[The viewer can see a woman dressed in a long khaki skirt and a cream shirt with ruffles, the outfit adorned with a brown apron. She is watering different plants around a room, the video being sped up as she changes the water of vases bigger than her torso. The video cuts to a short scene of the front of a flower shop with a loopy cursive added one top. The words read “Une semaine en tant que fleuriste et 1er mai” (“A week as a florist and May 1st”)]

Weekly vlog S1e17: A week as a florist and May 1st

@/Mirabelle Desmarais 10,56 k subscribers 2k likes

5,2 k views 5 hours ago 17th vlog of the year! And we still haven’t missed one :) …Show more

16 comments

@/Milliesplace i love the way this is edited :) keep up the good work Mirabelle @/deadinsid3 i’d love to be in Monaco to buy flowers from you @/tiredhighsoolstudent how old are you? i feel like you’re so successful already and i’m lacking @/danielisthebest I’m in Monaco next week! I hope i can see you 

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Monaco (03/05/2021)

The weeks leading up to mother’s day are always busy for flower shops, and Mirabelle knows this well. This year is her first year having her own shop, but she’s been employed in a flower shop for about two years after getting her vocational baccalauréat in horticulture. 

She knows how to operate a flower shop; running her business into the ground before it can fly is not in her ten-year plan. That’s why this year, for the first Mother’s Day of her shop, she’s going to do great. Or at least that’s the mantra she’s been repeating every hour for a few days.

She’s been living in Monaco for the past two years, so she can’t call herself a local yet. She has her own flat, and she pays her own bills (to the French government, to her great disappointment; what she wouldn’t do to get tax exemptions like most people living in Monaco…).

Her flat is situated near the French border, but you could say that most streets in Monaco are near the border, unless you want to live in the Mediterranean Sea. And while Mirabelle thinks fish are cute in their own way, she doesn’t think that she’d like to spend the rest of her days underwater, eating algae. And Mirabelle has always preferred Barbie: Fairytopia to Barbie in a Mermaid Tale.

The view from her flat is amazing, because she lives on the highest floor of the building. Not a penthouse, but a flat under the roof, she says. She managed to get it for a reduced price because of the state it was in when she bought it. Still, what she owes the bank haunts her in her dreams. One more reason for Mother’s Day this year to be a success. Monaco is home to a lot of foreigners (as she is); and so deals for the celebration can run during more than a week. For Monaco-natives, or Monégasques, as they like to insist upon, Mother’s day is May 30th this year. For French people like Mirabelle and her mother; Marie, it will be on the same day. But she knows that there are a lot of Italians coming to Monaco during the month of May, following the Grand Prix, and so the day of the celebration will be on May 9th. Which is less than a week away.

Today is Monday. This means that she has six days left to prepare for the rush and to write down orders. And rich people always want exotic flowers or flowers that don’t bloom during the spring for Mother’s Day. Which, fair. If she had that kind of money, Mirabelle would decorate all year around with lilac or hibiscus. Unfortunately, she cannot, and her flat is already filled to the brim with potted plants anyways. Maybe she could try and grow wisteria. 

Lilac, or Syringa vulgaris, blooms during spring, but it’s not a flower commonly used in bouquets and even less for Mother’s Day. Depending on the colour of the lilac, the flowers can mean the first love of someone (lilac colour, the name of the shade coming directly from the flower), which could be used for this celebration, Mirabelle thinks, even if it would be a bit strange; or mourning a loved one for darker purples. Not really sought after for Mother’s Day.  

Mirabelle needs to get a stock of lilies this year. It’s a flower often wanted for bouquets destined to mothers, because one of the meanings of lilies is motherhood. Still, lilies bloom during summer, so Mirabelle isn’t the happiest when dealing with people demanding she use lilies for bouquets in the middle of spring.

White roses are a staple too, and so she needs to contact her supplier to see if he has any news about her shipment. She has ordered more than a hundred roses for Friday, which would leave her the time to prep the flowers for the rush of Saturday night leading into Sunday.  Her fridge is already stocked to the brim with caffeinated drinks; keeping them cold in order for her to make it through the night. 

At least the city is still navigable (for now), the Grand Prix of Monaco taking place at the end of the month. This week is… Spain, if she remembers correctly. While Mirabelle watches 1 occasionally, she’s not that informed. The only moments when she gets new information is when she goes to Cece’s flat to watch races when they are at a reasonable time. 

Cécé, from her first name Célia, has been Mirabelle's best friend since kindergarten, when a boy had decided to push Mirabelle to the ground, saying that carrot people needed to stay in the dirt where they belonged and Célia had pushed the boy right back, stomping on his hand for good measure. Cece has always been spirited. And when she was younger, Mirabelle indeed had carrot-like red hair. Now the colour has faded, settling into a comfortable strawberry blonde, still keeping her darker ginger highlights in the summertime. She still lives in Nice, their hometown and is studying business with a focus on luxury.

Startled out of her thoughts by a passing truck, Mirabelle shakes her head and looks at the shop front of her business. She likes the vibes, she thinks. She’d decorated everything with the help of Cece and Nathan before the grand opening a few weeks ago. Nathan, Cece’s fiancé, was great to have around to renovate an old building, the guy being quite tall and good with manual tasks. The only downside is his inability to stay still for more than two consecutive minutes and his clumsiness. 

From an external viewpoint, the shop looks like an antique store, with its forest green wooden front and the gold lettering above the door and the windows. Mirabelle did it herself, which she is really proud of. The gold works quite well against the green of the background, in her opinion. And the honeysuckle climbing at the side of the shop is great. She still needs to find a name for it. Maybe Cece would have an idea. 

Mirabelle takes out her phone and steps onto the street to take a picture of it, sending it to her best friend to ask for her opinion. The picture is great, now that she’s looking at it. It just needs some touch ups, and she’ll post it on her instagram page. She still needs to check the vlog she posted yesterday on Youtube. 

The idea of filming her life everyday and posting it as vlogs was her little sister’s idea. Amandine is currently in 9th grade, but because she’s in a boarding school in the north of France, she only has access to her phone for half an hour everyday to call their parents. Apparently, she also has access to her phone on weekends, because that’s when she calls Mirabelle. And so, to get updates on her sister’s life, Amandine had made her take a resolution for the new year: film her life a bit everyday and post it on Sunday afternoon, when she still has time to use her phone to watch the Youtube video. Well, at first Amandine had wanted Mirabelle to use Tiktok, but Mirabelle still hasn’t used the app, and even less downloaded it.

And so Youtube it was. At first, she tried talking face to the camera, but honestly, that took so much time that she discarded it after the third week of filming. Between the script (Mirabelle is not confident enough in her skills in front of a lens yet to talk without any notes), the filming and the editing, she didn’t have the time to actually live her everyday life. And so now, her camera is on when she goes about her business, during her trips between home and the shop…

Mirabelle will admit, filming oneself does boost one’s confidence, because now she’s quit her previous job and opened her own flower shop, all of this in less than five months. Which, in her opinion, is so strange that sometimes she wonders if she were a saint in her previous life. Or maybe the bad karma will only appear in a few years, when she’s resting on her laurels. 

If it comes in the future, let it come. Nothing is set in stone, and she’ll enjoy what she has for now, even as she watches the people around her like a plant yearning for the sun, reaching and reaching and never embracing the golden star.

Taken from Instagram (03/05/2021)

@/mirabelledesmarais

[Picture of the front of a flower shop. The walls are painted green, with a bay window on the right and a normal one on the left. A honeysuckle is creeping up on the left of the shop. Above the door, gold letters can be seen writing ‘Desmarais - Fleuriste’ (Desmarais - Florist)]

🖤 💬  729 Likes

mirabelledesmarais Waiting to create your bouquets for Mother’s Day 💐

Comments

@/lilyofthevalley: fan n°1 je l’annonce j’étais là dès la semaine 1 (number 1 fan i’m calling it i was there during the first week)

@/fleurtoujours: 🌷🌺🌹

@/celia_guillaume: i still need to find a name for that plant! ↬ @/mirabelledesmarais: i’m counting on you soldier

@/rosedesvents: c’est pas dans 3 semaines la fête des mères?? (isn’t mother’s day in 3 weeks??) ↬ @/mirabelledesmarais: Pour la France et Monaco, la fête des mères est bien le 30 mai! Mais j’ai beaucoup de clients étrangers pour qui la fête des mères est ce dimanche 9 :) (For France and Monaco; Mother’s Day is indeed on May 30th! But I have a lot of foreign clients, for whom Mother’s Day is this Sunday the 9th!:))

Monaco (09/05/2021)

Oscar was bored. Monaco was good and nice, but after a week with his parents and his three younger sisters, he was ready to throw himself over the hotel’s balcony into the water. Fortunately, this was his last day of vacation, and he would go back to the sim room and his training. He still had no idea why his mum wanted to go to Monaco, of all places, to spend his vacation week. She was right that it made more sense to visit the city state before or after the racing season, but a mere ten days before was pushing it, in his opinion. 

At least they went to visit some cities in the south of France. Nice is quite pretty, with its old town and warm colours, and Menton was nice, even if they missed what is apparently a whole two weeks of celebrating lemons.

What an idea. But to each their own, his mum would say. And she’s right, he shouldn’t judge. But still. If he can trust the internet, they have whole floats made of lemons. He won’t ever understand France, he thinks. 

It’s morning now, and as usual, he opens up his phone to check if he received any message or emails during the night. Because Australia is on the other side of the world, some of the conversations he has with friends wait until one of the participants is awake to continue. Just spams, and a reminder coming from his calendar app. Fuck. It’s Mother’s Day. So that’s why his mum is still not up. 

He gets out of the bathroom in a hurry, puts his clothes on, checks that he has his wallet and the key to the hotel room with him and goes out the door. How could he forget? Every year, he usually puts a reminder two weeks before the date so he has the time to prepare something nice for his mum. This year, he bought her a bracelet, but now that he thinks about it, it’s been forgotten amidst the preparations for the trip to Monaco. He didn’t bring it on the trip. This means that he’s going to have to wait for them to go back home, all the way in Australia, to give her the bracelet. What to do now?

There must be a florist in the area. 

As he waits for the elevator and then goes inside, he’s opening Maps and writing florist in the search bar. Apparently, there are two florists near the hotel, one closer than the other. That's where he’ll go, he decides. He doesn’t have any time to lose, especially if he wants to buy breakfast for his mum before she wakes up. 

His run to the florist is short, fortunately. Monaco is hell to run through, with its elevation. He mustn’t be the only one waiting for flowers, as there’s a queue of at least ten people. He checks his phone regularly as he waits, to see if his father has sent him any message. He doesn’t want to risk sending the first message, afraid that the sound of the notification would wake up his mum.

Strangely, the queue goes quite fast and once they say what they’re here for, the florist just goes through a back door and comes back with a bouquet; he must be really efficient at putting up bouquets together.

In front of the florist, a balding man in his forties, he tries to explain his predicament in french before giving up and explaining in english. The man frowns.

“Young man, this is a high-end flower shop. We only take orders at least a week before for our client's utmost satisfaction.” The florist leaves Oscar alone for a minute as he goes to bring a bouquet to the woman behind him in the queue. He continues, “You can still order flowers for next week, but I'm sorry to say that you won’t be able to get a bouquet today.You could still go to another shop, I think a lovely girl has opened up hers just 10 minutes away from here!”

With this said, Oscar thanks the florist in a hurry and runs to the location he’s been given. There’s a climbing plant growing on the side of the dark green storefront, and the inside of the flower, which he can see through the large windows, is luminous. Above the shop is written “Desmarais - Fleuriste” in gold letters. The flower has a fragrant smell, sweet but not too overpowering. It’s not jasmine, Oscar thinks. He would have recognised it. It’s soft, and he can’t help but sop for a few seconds and close his eyes to try and imprint the scent into his brain. He gets closer to the door, ready to enter the flower shop, and a man leaves, loudly declaring “Merci!” (Thank you!) over his shoulder to the person behind the counter.

There’s a girl. 

She’s a girl. 

Oscar’s seen girls before, of course. His mum is a girl. And he has three younger sisters. He knows plenty of girls. He's just… He doesn’t know this girl. Of course he doesn’t know this girl. She’s probably from here, and he has not been in Monaco a lot. 

She’s pretty. Not the kind of pretty you turn around in the street for or the kind you see on TV. Oscar would turn around and stop in the street, he thinks. But this girl, she’s the kind of pretty that comes with the sweetness of summer when fruits are ripe or the lightness of the breeze when you watch the sunset, on the beach with sand between your toes.

With the sun coming from the window, her hair is the color of this sunset, or perhaps more of the sunrise, light oranges blending with gold bathed in light. She has a brown apron on, and it only adds to her beauty, almost imperceptible freckles dotted over her whole face; they frame it like a painting, from her forehead down her wheels to her chin. They’re forming a constellation, Oscar is sure of this, and he wants to know which one. He would stay and watch her all day long, he thinks.  

It’s only when she waves her hand that he realises that he’s been staring at her for far too long. She’s speaking, too.

“Bonjour? Hi? How may I help you?” Her voice is melodic. His feet bring him closer. He should answer, right?

“Um… Hi.” What to say next? Should he ask for her name? No. That’s too forward. She’s pretty. Maybe that’s not the right adjective. She’s enchanting to look at, mesmerizing. She’s a siren and Oscar is just the poor sailor caught in her trap. Oscar doesn't know why he came here anymore. Maybe he can stay here, right where he is, and keep watching her. Would that make him a creep? Maybe if she’s aware of it it’s less creepy. 

“Are… are you okay? Do you need to sit down?” And she’s nice. She takes care of people. She doesn’t want him to suffer. She’s perfect, actually. Oscar thinks that he would follow her to the end of the world if she welcomed him. 

She’s coming over. Should he move? Oscar holds his breath, heart thundering in his ears. She takes his hand. Are they… are they going too fast? With his hand between hers, she guides him to a wooden stool, sitting him down. And then she leaves him. She’s decided to leave him, and he will be like Ariadne waiting for Theseus to come back. 

As soon as he thinks about this myth, she comes back, a glass of cool water in her hand. She puts it in his hand, blinking at him slowly.

“Hey, I brought you water. You know this, you have it in your hand, I don’t know why I said this.I hope you’re not having a stroke. But if you are, that's totally fine, or not, I guess. But I'll call the pompiers in thirty seconds if you don’t answer.” She hasn’t breathed once during her small tirade. But Oscar doesn’t want to inconvenience her more than he already has if he can help it. So this means he needs to say something.

“You’re pretty,” he blurts. Wow. Great first impressions, Oscar. 

She’s blushing. He can see this, her face close to his and her skin fair and almost translucent. Maybe he hasn’t fumbled this too much. 

“Right. Thank you. Did you come into the shop just to tell me this? Not that I’m ungrateful, of course. I’m really grateful actually. Thank you.” She’s cute. And she’s blushing even more, now. He can see it spreading to her ears and down her neck and… No. No impure thoughts. Think about something else, Oscar. What can you see? Her blush. Stop it. Flowers. Right, flowers. Flowers, flowers… Mother’s Day!

“Shit, sorry. I’m just—I actually came because I need flowers for my mum. It’s Mother’s Day.” Does he still have time before his mum wakes up? “So, yep. I need flowers”

“Of course!” she smiles and gets back. Oscar feels the spot where she was getting colder, and the hole in his chest gets bigger. She walks over to her working station and takes a pen and paper in hand. “Did you have particular flowers in mind? or a budget?”

“Do you know of any flowers that mean either gratefulness or flowers to apologize? I forgot her gift back home. Which now that I think about it, is maybe too much information?” He scratches the back of his head with his right hand. Honestly he’s not that worried about the price. His allowance should cover it. even if it ends up being higher than he anticipated.

“Well; if it’s for your mother and to apologise, pink oeillets are great. I think their English name is carnations.” She walks towards one of the walls filled to the brim with flowers and takes a pink one in her hand. “It’s this one, see?”

The flower’s pretty. Not as pretty as her, of course. 

“I like them. Could I have a bouquet?” She seems surprised; why? Fortunately, what she says next explains it.

“Don’t you want to hear about other flowers?” She asks, and he shakes his head right to left. “What’s interesting with carnations is that in France, they also mean gratefulness, so this means that they’ll be spot on for what you want!”

Oscar only nods, still dazed. He stays where he is, not moving an inch.

“I’ll make the bouquet, and as we go, you can tell me if you want more or less flowers, is that okay with you?” Oscar had planned on going to the bakery while the florist created the bouquet, but now that he is faced with the possibility of staying with her, he thinks he’ll stay and watch her work. 

Oscar observes her as she works and busies herself with selecting the flowers in the best conditions and filler flowers to add to the bouquet. It occurs to him that he hasn’t asked for her name. He should. When she asks him if there are enough flowers for the bouquet, Oscar hasn’t listened to a word coming out of her mouth, too occupied with watching her. And so he nods, agreeing with her, and when he realises that this means that he will spend less time with her because he’ll have to leave with the bouquet, it’s already too late, she’s wrapping the bouquet in pink tissue and white kraft paper; putting the finishes touches in the form of raffia and stapling her business card to the paper.

Once she finishes, she catches Oscar’s eye and smiles, blushing all the while. 

“It’s all done! Your total will be 35€.” She says while tapping on her till. The machine beeps and a receipt comes out of it. 

Oscar pays and he takes the bouquet that she holds out to him. Now he doesn’t want to leave. He should say something. At least ask for her name. “What’s y—”

“I wondered if—” They both speak at the same time, stopping when they realise the other is about to ask something. He manages to speak.

“Please go first”, he says gesturing with his free hand. Her blush is stronger now. She tucks a strand of hair behind her hair before speaking, and Oscar tracks the motion with his eyes, a cat with a treat.

“Well, I just—I wondered what your name was? If that’s not too forward, of course!” She bites her lips at her own advances, a mindless habit. He’d been about to ask the same thing, and so he’s happy that he’s not the only one who may be interested. This means he can feel less creepy.

“I’m Oscar. It’s great to meet you! And I was about to ask for your name too…” Oscar is all too happy to give his name to this enchanting florist. He can’t wait to hear her name.

“Uh. Well I'm Mirabelle, and it’s also great to meet you, and I hope that your mother will enjoy the flowers.” She smiles as she says this, and he thinks about the fruit, the mirabelle plum, with its sunset skin, so close to the colour of her hair.

“Your name is beautiful.” Just like you, he doesn’t say. “ I don’t know how to say this, but I’m coming back to Monaco in ten days, and I don’t know if you’ll be free or anything, and if you have anything to do or if you’re not interested, please don’t mind me and ignore me and forget I ever said anything but would you maybe want to go and drink a coffee with me?”

Oscar doesn’t know if she’ll be able to understand his word vomit. It probably makes no sense. The blush, which had begun to fade, comes back in full. 

“Yes of course! Hum… I’ll have to check if I'm free, but maybe I could send you a text to tell you?” Oscar thinks his soul just left his body. Did Mirabelle, the pretty florist, just ask for his name and then his number? He must be the luckiest man alive. He gives her his phone with a bit of gymnastics with his left arm, taking it from his right back pocket and unlocking it. She quickly types in her number and returns the divide to Oscar. When he looks at the contact she created, he can see she put in a purple flower next to her name.

“I couldn’t find lilacs in the emoji section, so I put a hyacinth,” she explains. He’s already half in love with her, he thinks. Whoever said that love at first sight doesn’t exist is wrong. She adds, “by the way, if you don’t want to damage the bouquet on the way back, you should hold it upside down.”

Oscar can feel his neck getting hot, and even if he doesn’t want to leave her, he knows he has to go back to the hotel room. And so he turns around, says goodbye, and he feels like Odysseus leaving Penelope, the flower shop their Ithaca.

He stops on the doorstep before leaving and turns around to say goodbye one last time. Mirabelle sees him and waves.

“Goodbye Oscar, see you soon! And you’re very pretty too”. At that, Mirabelle winks and hurries to busy herself.

Oscar finally leaves, all the while thinking about her.

Once he gets back to the hotel room, he realises that he forgot to go buy breakfast, and so when he sees his sister Hattie, he tells her to be quick and ask the reception for room service before their mum wakes up. When everything is set up, the four siblings gather in their parent’s room and slowly wake them up. Privately Oscar can guess that their mum was already awake, waiting for them.

By the time breakfast is finished, Oscar has spaced out more than once, and his mum can’t help but ask him what he’s thinking about.

“My future wife,” he blurts, before his mouth shuts and his eyes go wide. his parents share a glance.

“I thought you didn’t want to get married,” his mother says, and Oscar shakes his head. That’s true, he doesn’t want to get married, and he doesn’t think he ever will.

“I meant it in a spiritual sense. I met my soulmate today. She’s the one who made the bouquet”. 

And Nicole Piastri only has one answer for him:

“Well, you’ll have to practice your French, then.”

Taken from Twitter (09/05/2021)

@/NicolePiastri Thanks to my son and my daughters for this wonderful bouquet and breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day! and thank you @/mirabelledesmarais for the arrangement [Picture of Nicole in a hotel bed with a tray filled with pastries and a cup of coffee, along with a glass of orange juice. In Nicole’s arms is a bouquet of pink carnations] ↬ @/mirabelledesmarais I’m so glad you like the flowers! i hope you had a great day 💐 ↬ @/81futurewag girl no one asked for ur opinion

@/f14ever My dream is to have @/NicolePiastri as my MIL i need this mirabelle girl to go away and disappear from the face of the earth ↬ @/oscarthegoat i fear that’s everyone’s goal ↬ @/mimidefender4life She’s just doing her job what’s ur fucking problem ↬ @/oscarpiastriloml the ‘fucking problem’ as u said is that she’s a gold digger and she trying to become famous using oscar

@/oscarsfirstfan Happy mother’s day to our queen mother @/NicolePiastri ↬ @/oscatpastry She’s a national treasure ↬ @/F1GossipHere And @/OscarPiastri is such a good son, imagine him as a son-in-law, id die

I hope you liked it! I didn't think I'd write more than 2k words, but here we are :)

(the dividers are the works of @thecutestgrotto)

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | intro.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 2.0k

—warnings: nothing much; cussing, very general description of research topics/neuroscience experiments including mentions of mice research (no details)!, mentions of infidelity (not oc or san)

—a/n: ty for being patient with me <33 here's the lil intro to professor choi 🤪 i think i'll keep the same update schedule i've had (every other weekend) but ofc will let everyone know if i cant update for whatever reason!! enjoyyyy this rideeee 🖤

Clunk.

San throws his glasses onto his desk before leaning back in his chair, hands coming up behind his head for a stretch. He had been working on his progress report for one of his grants since this morning, and he was starting to feel the migraine come on.

"Fuck." He mutters, pinching at the bridge of his nose before he gets up to grab another cup of coffee from his Nespresso machine— popping in a pod with a level 9 intensity into the slot and pressing start. It's around dinner time, but quite frankly, San isn't too hungry. He'll eat something small. He's just tired, especially because of this progress report. But, it's due next week and he needs to finalize his class schedule for the upcoming quarter at the same time. He won't have as much time to get through the technicalities if he waits any longer.

He's pretty immune to the different intensities of coffee at this point; having eaten it for breakfast, lunch and dinner during his postdoc years. It won't do much for long, but it'll at least keep him going for the next couple of hours before he calls it a day and lays in bed. 

When his coffee is done, he pours some creamer into his mug and gives it a good stir before settling back into his office. His house is too big for one person, but he enjoys the stillness. The quiet. He used to hate it. He used to hate when every corner reminded him of his ex-wife. Now, he's gotten used to it. He's learned how to live alone, how to enjoy his peace. He lets out a small sigh, taking a sip of his hot coffee as he resumes to look at the computer screen to his side. Suddenly, his phone goes off and he's quick to shift his attention to it because it's slightly odd for this time of day. People don't normally call him unless he's settled on a phone call meeting ahead of time, and he doesn't remember booking any calls tonight.

"Hey." San picks up when he realizes it's Jongho. Okay, so he maybe he lied. He does take a few calls from close friends, most who are also professors at the same university. "What's up?"

"How's your T15 report going?"

"Long. It's terrible."

"Well." Jongho laughs. "Perks of being you, I guess." San rolls his eyes. 

"Yeah, thanks. Very enlightening."

"Anyways, I wanted to call really quickly. I figured you hadn't seen it yet, but wanted to put it on your radar. I looped you into an email for a possible collaboration. We're trying to meet this week if you're free. Might be good to see what it's worth, could get us more funding. Open more collaboration opportunities in the future." San presses the phone against his ear, holding it with his shoulder as he navigates to his inbox on his computer. He has a bunch of unread emails that he'll eventually respond to, paying a tad more attention to the pressing ones when he has a moment. He's not gonna lie, he does ignore a few if it's not of interest to him, or something he doesn't feel like he can contribute much to. He'll typically respond with a 'so sorry, no can do' if people get pushy and constantly follow up, but for the most part, he does his best to keep up and respond where it's warranted.

San sees the email Jongho is speaking of, but right underneath it, he sees another email from a student inquiring about rotating in his lab for the upcoming quarter. He's always interested when students reach out to rotate in his lab, but he can't accommodate all, especially when he doesn't feel like his research aligns with their goals. He usually takes 1 per quarter if it fits, otherwise, he doesn't have any at all. 

Out of curiosity, he clicks on the email since it has been awhile since anyone rotated in his lab. 

From: yn@atz.edu To: choisan@atz.edu Dear Professor Choi, I hope this email finds you well. My name is Y/N, and I'm currently a bioengineering grad student who is interested in rotating in your lab for the upcoming quarter. I have been thinking about diving deeper into computational analysis, mice behavior, 2-photon excitation and opto-stim work. I've spoken to your postdocs, Sunwoo and Belle, about their current projects and potentially collaborating since they seem to be touching up on all these aspects. I was hoping we can find a time to meet and chat a bit to see if it would be a good fit. The deadline to submit my rotation selections is coming up, so I'd like to make sure we meet beforehand. Let me know, happy to work with your schedule! Best, Y/N Y/L/N

The thing about San is that he's pretty good at picking up on a student's vibe through their emails. It's the tone, the professionalism, the way they write and carry themselves. He can tell when some people are a little more egotistical and ignorant, and he doesn't want people like that in his rather small, but mighty lab. His current grad students and postdocs all get along well, and they're bright people who are very passionate about their work and studies. He doesn't need people thinking they're above the others. In addition to that, he can also tell when students are just trying to get their name on a published paper doing work in his lab, or when they're just trying to wing their way through grad school. It's a shame, but he definitely has come across a few students in his inbox. They do exist.

You, though? He's intrigued. You seem bright. Genuinely passionate about the specific areas you're interested in diving into. Poised. He appreciates that. He quickly scans over your CV and the little blurb at the bottom that highlights the work you've done in your undergrad years and internships. Your work history. He sees that you've already dipped your toes in a few of the different areas you've mentioned. Worked with a few professors he knows. You've volunteered at a couple of places.

An all-rounder.

"Did you see it?" He almost forgets he's on the phone with Jongho.

"Mm, yeah. I'll respond in a bit, I think I can meet on Thursday. Sorry, I just got a little distracted. Saw another email about a potential rotation student."

"Gonna take one on this quarter?"

"Maybe. If it fits. She seems to be interested in a lot of the work we do. She knows Sunwoo and Belle."

"Oh, nice. That'll be cool."

"What about you? Taking on a rotation student?" Jongho is an assistant professor in the electrical engineering department, and he is often bombarded with inquiries himself. He usually always has a rotation student, and they almost always choose his lab to work in after their rotation program is up. San doesn't blame them— Jongho is brilliant, and his work creates a lot of different pathways for students to navigate and try. San's can be a hit or miss; it's quite niched, and students often find that it genuinely is tough to play around in his field.

"Yeah. Think so." 

"Alright. Thanks for giving me a heads up. I'll check my calendar and respond in a bit for sure." San eyes the email. "It does sound like a good collaboration."

"Figured you'd say that. Thanks, my guy! Take it easy and good luck on your progress report."

"Appreciate it." San gives off a toothless smile even though Jongho can't see him. He slides his phone off to the side and checks his calendar, upholding his promise to Jongho about responding to the email ASAP. He keeps his email short, letting the group know he can make the meeting at the desired time on Thursday to talk about the potential collaboration across labs.

Then, he pulls up your email and checks his calendar once more.

From: choisan@atz.edu To: y/n@atz.edu Hi Y/N, Thanks for your email - for sure! I think there's a lot of possibilities we could visit, especially with Belle and/or Sunwoo's projects. Can you pop into my office on Tuesday morning? 10am good? We can chat then. — San

"Oh shit." You slow your chewing when you see the email notification pop up on your screen during dinner.

"What?" Felix asks, turning his attention towards you and causing Jiung and Eunchae to do the same.

"Professor Choi answered my email."

"That was quick." Jiung takes forkful of food into his mouth.

"Professor Choi as in San or Jongho? Cause they're both hotties." Eunchae swoons and twirls her hair, making Felix scrunch his nose.

"San." 

"I'd kill to be a rotation student in their labs." Eunchae giggles. "What'd he say?"

"To meet him at his office on Tuesday to chat more."

"Well, that's good! Which other labs were you looking at?"

"I'm not sure. Song Mingi, Kang Yeosang, Jeong Yunho. Kim Namjoon—"

"Isn't Professor Choi's ex-wife with Professor Jeong now?" Jiung looks up with a squint.

"Yeah, apparently when it all went down, it was a mess." Felix chimes in, and you continue to type away at your phone. "Imagine your wife having an affair with your bestfriend."

"Harsh." Jiung does a head tilt.

"I guess they don't interact much anymore, do they? Seems to be water under the bridge."

"I don't think so, but Professor Lee works in the Chemical Engineering department so they might have to from time to time if students in her lab wanna be co-advised or collaborate with him. Professor Jeong, though."

"Awkward. At least they can keep it civil." Felix shrugs at Eunchae's response.

"They lowkey have no choice." Felix looks up in thought before shrugging. "Still sucks to know your bestfriend was involved."

"Seriously." You add.

"Either way, those are good labs to possibly rotate in. It'd be cool if you could get into Namjoon's lab. Heard he's cool as fuck even though he's the department chair." Felix tosses his napkin into his empty paper bowl.

"Yeah, same. I'll keep you guys updated." You send off your response to Professor Choi with a small sigh. "There. Hopefully my rotation will be settled for the quarter."

From: yn@atz.edu To: choisan@atz.edu Hi Professor Choi, Yes, I can meet you at 10am on Tuesday. Thank you, and see you then! Best, Y/N

"Maybe you'll get more out of the rotation, especially with Professor Choi." Eunchae nudges your side and you let out a small yelp before you playfully pinch her bicep.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jiung snorts.

"I'm just saying, he's successful. A hottie. Young. Single—"

"Here she goes." Felix lets out a breath.

"Bro. Calm down." Jiung laughs. "He's still a professor."

"What if you two get close during rotation and he falls in love with you?" She looks at you ever so seriously. 

"Relax." Felix laughs. "What kinda movie did we fall into?"

"Eunchae, please." You poke her cheek. "You know we rarely ever see the professors in lab. We get like.. five minute meetings with them and that's about as much of a personal interaction we'll get. They're busy people. Sorry to burst your bubble, bae." She shrugs.

"It was fun to think about." She giggles. "But no, that'll be a good experience for you if you get to join his lab for rotation. The others are great, too. Is he your first choice for a dissertation advisor, though?"

"As of now, yeah. But, we'll see how it all goes."

"Keep us updated." Jiung sips some water. "I think I need to reach out to one more professor for this quarter. Needa figure out my shit before classes start."

"Same." 

Meanwhile, San sees the notification from your email pop up in the corner of his screen and he immediately presses on it. He smiles a bit when he realizes how easy scheduling that meeting was— most of the time, people say they'll work with his schedule but end up pushing back. He slots you into his calendar before he can forget and switches his attention back to the progress report he's close to finishing up. 

San thinks it'll be nice to host a rotation student again, as the experience has always been useful, eventful, productive. He thinks it'll be like any other time; the experience being useful, eventful. Productive. He trusts in his group, the students, to come up with great ideas and be able to execute from start to finish.

So, he doesn't think much of it. He thinks he can hand you off and trust you with Belle and Sunwoo.

Little does he know that's where he gets it all wrong.

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @lynnsqueendom

[miss-canon-event]

Lessons of the Heart (Ch.2) 📚💖

Chapter 2: Little do you Know

Single Dad!Miguel x Teacher!FReader

Summary: Being a father is not easy, and even less so when he is single. This is Miguel O'Hara's life, who has raised his daughter Gabriella alone after her mother's abandonment. Everything has been extremely difficult and challenging, especially now that they have to start over in a new neighborhood. Miguel barely has time for anything else besides his daughter and his job… everything changes a bit when he meets his daughter's teacher: you.

CW: different POV, mentions of bullying and xenophobia, mild angst, sad children, blaming, mentions of OF, Miguel is kinda shitty, not use of Y/N, only a last name, mentions of nudity. (Let me know if I forgot something, pls)

Divider by: @cinemabeans

A/N: Finally, after long weeks I am able to bring you the update of my crazy fanfic. A thousand thanks to all the people who commented, reposted and most of all, interacted <3 it means a lot to me that you've been so kind to me. I was scared to death and anxious, but I know I count on very nice people to bring this idea forward that little by little is taking shape hehe. Take care and see you next time!

As always, thanks a lot to @miss-tarja , who had been helping me to improve and also, she has giving me advice in order to be a better writer and oc, to keep writing this fanfic 💚

The long hallway felt longer and colder than it really was. Both girls felt as if the floor might disappear beneath their feet.

How many children get sent to the principal’s office on their first day of school? Many.

But because of a fight? Very few.

Gabriella and Emily kept their little hands intertwined, as if they were walking through a dark and cold place, and their only light was each other.

Her brown eyes stared at Emily, who walked while looking down at her feet. Then, she looked at your back — your ponytail swinging rhythmically with your steps.

You hadn't been cruel or cold. However, the girls needed to explain themselves. They probably deserved a small "punishment," just like the other 5th grade children.

Finally, they reached the huge door with a sign that read "PRINCIPAL".

Gabriella swallowed hard and squeezed Emily’s hand again — and Emily did the same.

His leg bounced the whole day. Since Miguel was called by a woman from Gabriella's school, he hadn't felt calm.

He had spilled his mug of coffee over the desk by accident. He had missed his lunch time.

It was incredible how nervous and upset he was. 

"Your daughter was in the middle of a slight bullying incident."

"We need to have a word once the classes are done."

Those were the words he could remember from that calling. Probably the principal or a secretary.

He took a deep breath and looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost time and Gabriella will finish her classes for today and he must go for her. 

But now... his priority is to find out what happened. Why was Gabriella taken to the principal's office on her first day at school?

“Canija…”

Miguel mumbled and while he turned off his computer, he gathered his belongings.

The road towards the school had been eternal, but he was almost there. Miguel saw the huge building from afar and the many parents waiting for their children. He parked his car and with firm steps, Miguel walked to school.

He didn’t know why he was so worried.

He was afraid of failing as a father.

It was threatening for him thinking that perhaps he wasn’t “perfect” as people at college or in his old job claimed.

Slapping himself mentally, he decided to push all those insecure thoughts out for now and focus entirely on seeing what mess his daughter had gotten herself into.

With the help of the receptionist, who escorted him to the office, Miguel entered a large, well-lit room. At first glance, it didn’t look like a traditional office. It was more like a common room divided by cubicles. In one corner, there was a small table with several chairs around it, probably used for quick meetings or students to wait. Near the back, there was a cubicle a little larger than the rest, with a neat desk and, on the wall behind it, the school’s emblem hung proudly.

Inside that room were several adults, who appeared to be the parents or caregivers of the other children involved. However, that was the least of Miguel’s concern at the moment.

Miguel just wanted to know how Gabriella was and what had happened.

“Papito…” 

Gabriella’s soft, trembling voice reached his ears. The girl, together with another little girl with braided hair, was sitting on a bench.

Miguel walked steadily towards them, feeling the judgmental stares of the adults present.

“Gabi, what happened?”

“Papito, I swear it wasn’t my intention-”

“Gabriella, you know we don't keep secrets not lie to each other. I need you to tell me why I'm being called here." his voice was severe and soft at the same time.

“Papito, yo-”

“It’s your first day of school, Gabriella”

“I know, dad. But… they started to mess with me. They told me I was a spic… and then they started to mess with Emily too.

Miguel looked at the girl with braids. Her freckled cheeks were red, as were her eyes. He also noticed that she and Gabriella were holding hands.

Then everything started to fall into place…

But something kept bothering him. Where were the adults? The teachers? Why didn’t anyone intervene before those children insulted both girls? There were supposed to be teachers watching, responsible adults taking care that the children didn’t get into trouble.

Trying to remain calm, he turned his focus back to his daughter.

“¿Le dijiste a tus profesores?”

Gabriella nodded.

“Si, pero la directora dijo que no había sido la manera…”

Miguel sighed for what felt like the hundredth time and nodded.

He hadn’t liked that call from the school staff one bit.

“Thank you for coming here, dear parents," said the principal—a tall, slender woman with sharp gray eyes and short, straight hair. She was a very elegant woman. “As we explained by phone, your children were involved in a bullying incident, which we cannot tolerate. It was only the first day of school, and the children were already displaying inappropriate behavior."

The parents were there with their respective children.

Even you were present, perhaps to give your point of view on what had happened.

“According to our teacher, Miss Hayes, she witnessed Miss O'Hara pushing young Davis. Miss Veronica was going to respond, but she intervened.” the woman read the report she had written previously that meeting.

Miguel felt his blood boil and tightened his grip slightly on Gabriella's shoulders. But he wasn't angry at her—he was angry at that teacher.

“However," the woman continued, “according to Emily's testimony, they were sitting quietly when Daniel Davis and company came over to bother them and said very mean things. Is that correct, Emily?”

The little girl with braids nodded.

“Very well," the principal said, placing the document report on her desk.

“While we don't tolerate bullying in any form, we will also not accept offensive or xenophobic comments.”

A blonde woman sitting next to the girl Veronica interrupted.

“Excuse me, Principal. You know how children are. They're at an age where they experiment and… well, being around children who are different from us… tends to—"

“Mrs. Clark..." you said in a tone that clearly meant “Watch what you're about to say.”

“With all due respect, Mrs. Clark. Xenophobic comments are not just childish behavior. And I repeat, it is something we will not tolerate.”

The blonde woman fell silent, though her eyes showed she wanted to say more.

“As you know, this can't go unpunished. According to our rules, this is grounds for temporary suspension.”

The children looked at one another, and Gabriella and Emily did the same.

“However, since it's the first day of classes, we've decided they will only receive a small punishment. It will be determined by each homeroom teacher. Daniel, Veronica, Marcus, and Tobias will be handled by Mr. Evans. Gabriella and Emily by Miss Hayes.

Miguel felt like he could breathe again and nodded. Gabriella also calmed down a bit. She was frustrated and sad.

“Please wait outside. I need to speak with Mr. O'Hara in private.”

All the adults, including you, left the office. However, you couldn’t ignore how intently those red eyes were fixed on you.

You didn’t know if it was resentment… or prejudice.

Once outside, you took both girls to a more secluded spot. They were a bit shaken and needed to get away from that environment.

You wanted to say something to Gabriella. When you saw her for the first time, you thought it would take a long time for her to open up and even start talking to her. Yet, even though she had just met Emily, she stood up for her against the bullying. 

That said a lot about her.

“Well,” you said, and both girls looked at you. “Now I’ll have to think of a punishment for both of you. Why do you two have to cause trouble on the very first day of school, hm?” 

The girls giggled a bit at your comment. You really tried to be stern, but with Gabi and Emily, it was hard. They were just too sweet…

“But, are you okay now?"

They both nodded at the same time, one more confidently than the other.

After spending a while talking to them, the three of you heard heavy footsteps. Firm, angry ones—like those of a giant.

“Papito…”

You turned and saw that tall, handsome man, but his face was clouded with anger. His eyes, burning red, seemed to glow with rage.

“That’s enough, Gabriella. We’re going home,” his voice was firm and cold, enough to send a chill down your spine.

“But, Dad—”

“Enough, Gabriella. Go to the car, now,” he said in the same authoritarian tone, leaving no room for argument.

The girl stood up, waved goodbye to Emily, and gave you one last glance before walking down the hallway.

However, Miguel didn’t follow her right away...

His fierce, burning gaze fell on you with such intensity it left you breathless.

“And you, teacher…”

Oh, no...

“What kind of school is this? Where are the adults when younger kids are being bullied by older ones? Why do you only react when someone fights back?”

His voice boomed through the room like thunder, as if the very air shrank with each word.

“Mr. O'Hara, this school has over five hundred students. We do everything we can, but sometimes it’s impossible to be everywhere at once,” you tried to explain as calmly as possible, even as you felt the lump forming in your throat.

But he didn’t seem willing to listen.

“Then maybe you should reconsider if this is your calling. The title of 'teacher' is too big for you, miss.”

His words weren’t shouted, but they hurt more than if they had been. They struck your chest like arrows, piercing a shield you hadn’t even realized you were wearing.

Why did they hurt so much, coming from someone who barely knew you?

You took a deep breath, swallowing the pain.

“I ask you, please, to choose your words carefully. You are in front of your daughter. What happened today was unfortunate, and no one is justifying Gabriella’s reaction. But we also can’t ignore what led her to that point.”

“And I'm asking you to do your job. That’s why you are being paid.” 

Miguel clenched his jaw, his eyes still burning with anger. For a moment it looked like he might say something else, but instead he gave you one last sharp look before turning and walking silently down the hallway, where Gabriella waited for him.

And when they disappeared, the air seemed to return to the room— but you were no longer the same.

“That man was really mean to you…”

Emily’s soft voice brought you back to the present. You looked down and saw her there, so small, so sincere. Her fingers nervously fidgeted with one of her braids, and her eyes watched you with concern.

You gave her a tired but genuine smile, and gently patted her head, feeling how that simple gesture soothed something inside you.

“It’s been a very long day, little one. Let’s go home, okay? You said you wanted to stop by for your colored pencils. Remember?”

At the mention of that, her face lit up with pure, contagious joy. Her eyes sparkled, and her smile was like sunshine after the storm.

“Then let’s go, let’s go! Hurry!" she said excitedly, clinging tightly to your hand.

The two of you left the school together, leaving behind the stares, the noise, the words that still stung.

And as you walked toward the street, hand in hand, you thought that even if you can’t always protect your students from the world’s injustices…

…for that little girl, you would do anything to keep her safe.

Her smile—sad, but sincere—was worth everything.

The beautiful smile of your little sister.

The ride home was completely silent. Gabriella stared out the window without saying a word, and Miguel kept both hands firmly on the steering wheel, his brow still furrowed.

He was still upset. With the school stuff. With the teachers. With the other parents. Leaving Mexico was supposed to be the first step toward a better, calmer life. A life where his daughter could be safe, grow up happy, without having to worry about things like this.

And now? Everything seemed to have fallen apart on the very first day.

“I'm truly sorry for what happened today," the principal had said in a calm voice, trying to ease the tension. “This afternoon, I reviewed Gabriella's records that we requested from her previous school. Good grades, excellent behavior, talent in sports—especially soccer—and an advanced English level.”

She flipped through a few pages inside a folder labeled in bold letters: O'HARA, G.

“We don’t believe she acted with bad intentions, as some parents have suggested,” the woman continued. “But, as we explained, pushing another student is not the right way to handle a situation, no matter how unfair it may seem.”

Miguel could only nod. His eyes lingered a moment longer on his daughter’s name written on the folder, and inside he felt a mixture of guilt, helplessness, and anger.

“We just need you to talk to her. She's a good girl—it's clear to see. We believe this might have happened out of nervousness or fear from being in a new place. We want to support her… and help her feel like part of our school.”

Once again, Miguel nodded. He had no words. There was a lump in his throat that not even his anger could dissolve. He felt frustrated with everyone... the principal, the judgmental parents, the teacher who hadn’t acted in time.

Even with himself.

“I will, ma'am. And believe me, I deeply regret that this happened. It hasn’t been easy for her… none of this process has been.”

The principal nodded silently, with an expression that, for the first time, seemed genuinely understanding.

Miguel glanced at his daughter through the rearview mirror. She was still staring blankly out the window. Just like that morning—quiet and withdrawn.

“Gabi?"

The girl looked at him briefly through the mirror.

“Mi niña, I'm so sorry your first day turned out like this. I promise it was just a small stumble. Tomorrow will be a new day, and everything’s going to be fine, I promise," he said with a smile, trying to convince Gabi that everything was okay.

Trying to convince himself that everything was okay...

“You were very harsh with Miss Hayes…”

Miguel sighed, keeping his focus on the road.

“Gabriella, those kids were bothering you, and she only reacted after you defended yourself.”

“Yeah... but I wanted to defend Emily. She looked really sad, papito..."

Miguel opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. He stayed silent, touched by his daughter’s tenderness. That kind of pure empathy… something he wasn’t sure he’d ever fully learned.

“Sad?”

“Yeah... and she told me she doesn’t have a mom…”

What?

Had that little girl also lost her mother?

“Is she new? An orphan, or…?

Gabi shook her head.

“No. She’s been here since kindergarten… and she only told me a little about her bigger sister.” Gabi explained.

Miguel nodded, eyes still fixed on the road.

A brief silence settled between them.

“Papito?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think... Emily will want to sit with me tomorrow too?”

Miguel looked in the rearview mirror once more. His daughter didn’t look so dim anymore. There was a tiny light in her eyes—a little spark of hope.

“I’m sure she will, sweetheart. And this time, everything’s going to be just fine…”

And as the car drove down the tree-lined street, Miguel allowed himself to breathe a little easier.

Because despite everything… his little girl was still brave. And that, he thought, was a good start.

It was a bit late that night. After helping Emily wash up and brush her teeth, she went to her bedroom.

Of course, after all that high energy from finally getting her new box of colored pencils, she fell asleep almost immediately, tightly hugging her stuffed unicorn.

You turned on her salt lamp on the nightstand, and after looking at her lovingly, you gently closed the door.

You sighed, letting the exhaustion show on your face for just a few seconds, and checked the time on your phone.

10:19 PM.

You still had a few minutes left…

You went to the bathroom and started putting on your makeup in front of the mirror. Eyeliner that defined your gaze, subtle but effective eyeshadow, and a lipstick that made your lips look more alive, more confident… even though you knew none of it really protected you.

Then, you went to your room and began to strip for the day. You took off your sweater and pants, leaving the routine behind. With a small key that you kept on your bedside table, you opened the chest at the foot of your bed. Inside, a small universe of wigs, fabrics and outfits carefully selected to give life to other versions of yourself.

You chose a deep red outfit, the color of passion and determination. You paired it with a black bob wig, elegant and mysterious, that framed your face with a new identity. On your lips, you applied a deep, vibrant red, which contrasted with the softness of your skin.

The top was a semi-transparent bra, slightly exposing your breasts and nipples. The thong embraced your waist and ass, looking great on you. You looked in the mirror you had in a room and once you were convinced, you proceeded with the following.

You put on the black wig, combed it and finally, you were ready. You looked like a completely different person.

In front of the mirror, you observed yourself carefully.

It wasn’t a costume… It was part of the ritual. Part of what allowed you to make it to the end of the month.

You made sure your door was closed and locked.

Taking a deep breath, you turned on your computer.

The seconds it took to start felt eternal.

Your fingers moved automatically, typing the website’s address. Right before logging in, you paused. Another breath. And one more. It was your way of reminding yourself that you were in control… even if it didn’t always feel that way.

The mouse arrow clicked “Start live.” The camera turned on. You saw yourself on the screen: confident, ready, radiant. However, you always made sure that your face was not visible. They only saw your lips, your nose... half of your face completely unknown to the people on the other side of the screen.

The view count started rising slowly. Names piled up in the chat. Greetings, emojis, comments.

Then you smiled, letting go of the weight of the day. As if it were a layer of dust you could shake off for a few hours.

“Welcome to everyone who's joining. Very good evening, handsome ones…”

Your voice sounded sweet, confident, as if that other you—the teacher responsible for shaping young minds, the sister loved and admired by a little girl—didn’t exist at that moment.

It was just you. The one who reinvented herself each night to avoid falling apart.

And suddenly, you weren’t thinking about how hard the day had been.

You were thinking about Emily, asleep and safe… and about how tomorrow, you’d get up again—for her.

Tag list: @miss-tarja, @ryk-mt, @monarchberrysblog, @chubbyhedgehog (if you want to be tagged, you may comment <3)

Thank you very much for reading this far😭✨️

Any comments or feedback with respect will be welcome ❤️

[awkness]

No Man Is An Island (Part 2)

(Paternal Platonic Yandere oc & Injured Teenage Genderneutral Reader)

(Part 1)

After discovering the flare gun the Henry kept hidden and the confrontation that comes after, you become more determined to leave the island. But Henry becomes more determined to make you stay

Content warning: forced confinement, delusional thinking, briefly mentioned death, general yandere stuff. This one's pretty mild tbh

Word count: 5.7k

Authors note: okay. I know this has taken forever to put out after I said I would and tbh I have no excuse. I just suck at keeping a decent writing schedule lol. This is going to the finale for the series because plot wise, this is the best stopping point. However, if anyone has any suggestions for little drabbles or oneshots I would be okay with writing them. Henry is a fun little critter to write for

You stare down at the flare gun in your hands, trying desperately to grapple with the implications of it existing in Henry's room

How long did he have this here? Why didn't he tell anyone he found it? Why didn't he use it last night when the plane was flying over the island?

While you scramble for answers, you hear a commotion coming from the entrance of the cave. You dully realize that Henry and his fishing group had come back

Adrenaline kicks in, and you shove the flare gun back in its bag and tuck it into its hiding place. You don't know why you're so afraid, but there is something in you that doesn't want Henry to catch you with it

You're making your way to the cave entrance when Henry spots you, walking up to you and telling you about what they've caught: clams, crabs, and whatever else could be foraged

Under normal circumstances, you would be happily talking with him, excited about the successful fishing trip and grateful you didn't have to eat sea cucumbers again. But this time, you were nodding along distractedly, letting Henry carry the conversation as your mind stayed preoccupied with the flare gun that rested a few feet away

He noticed how distracted you were, and he became concerned, asking if you were okay, or if you were starting to get sick, as you seemed pale. He had become much more vigilant over your health since you blacked out after hitting your head a few weeks ago

You reassured him that everything was fine and that you were only hungry. It seemed to have convinced him, and he happily walked you down to the small cooking fire just outside of the cave where everyone else was gathered

As you sat around the fire eating, you found yourself unable to listen to the conversations happening around you, absorbed in your own thoughts about the flare gun and everything its existence implied

Your first thought was to tell the others, let them know that Henry had kept something so vital hidden away from the group because... you couldn't fathom why. Or maybe you could, you just couldn't bear the thought

But that was a serious accusation to makend, especially against Henry, who everyone looked up to not only as a leader but as a means of survival. If you were being honest, you're pretty sure the entire group would have died long ago without him, and everyone knew it. They practically worshipped the ground he walked on, and no one dared to question his word. Their faith in him was unshakable. Why would they believe he kept something so important from them?

Besides, even in the best case scenario where everyone believed you, what could they do? Even though a couple of the people have managed to pick up on his hunting and fishing skills, they weren't at the point where they could sustain the group on their hunts alone. Henry was still pulling in about half the group's food. Everyone was dependent on him, especially you

Despondent, you resolved to keep knowledge of the flare gun to yourself. Instead, when Henry left tomorrow to go hunting again, you would take the flare gun and hide it somewhere only you knew, so that the next time a plane or boat passed by, you would stand a chance to get off the island

As you were deep in thought, you failed to notice the way Henry kept glancing your way, a suspicious look in his eyes

Later that night, when you were getting ready for bed, doubt and anxiety clouded your mind. What if he had a good reason for keeping the flare gun hidden this entire time? What if you were making a mistake in trying to take it from him?

Logically, you knew there was no good reason to keep the flare gun a secret, but your mind couldn't fully accept it. Henry had been nothing but kind to you since the moment you crashed here, a safe, stable presence you could depend on without fault. Even with physical proof and the weird conversation you had the night your group saw the plane, you still couldn't believe he would do this

You wanted to confront him about it, but your more rational side held you back. Still, youu still wanted to ask him something, anything, just to know if you were making the right decision

So you blurted out the first thing you thought of

"If you were home right now, what would you do?"

He looked up briefly from where he was fixing the palm leaves on his makeshift bed, a slightly bewildered look on his face.

"Home?"

"Yeah. If you were magically transported back home right now, what would you do?"

He gave a small chuckle as an easygoing smile spread on his face.

"Kid, this is my home."

Your heart rate spiked at his words and you shifted in your seat.

"Okay, fine. If you were taken back to the mainland, what would you do?"

"I'd do everything I could to get back."

A brief moment elapsed as the weight of his words sunk in.

"And you? What would you do if you were back there?"

His words were casual, but there was something hopeful and searching in his eyes.

You spoke honestly.

"I would find my family, and I would have them take me home."

He gave you a slight smile and a nod, but it was all wrong. Even in the dim light, you could see that it was tight and sour, like he was fighting to keep it on his face

You didn't bother speaking after that, and neither did he. You simply went to bed. As you lay awake on your own pile of crushed bamboo and palm leaves in the dark, listening to the snores of your fellow survivors and the buzzing of a million insects both in and out of your cave, any doubt about what you needed to do was gone. You were going to take the flare gun and rebuild the signal fire on the coast, even if you had to do it by yourself

When morning came, your nerves were calm, making it easier to play along with your normal morning routine. Wake up at sunrise, gather water so you could bathe, and then wave goodbye to Henry and the rest of his hunting group as they went to get breakfast.

As soon as they disappeared into the trees, you went back into the cave to grab the flare gun

You found the bag right where you left it, but something was off. It didn't feel right. You opened the bag to find a moderately sized rock inside. No flare gun in sight

Shakily, you put the rock inside and tucked it back into its hiding spot. Only one thought rattled inside your head: he knew

You stand there for the longest time, shock keeping you rooted to the spot before you got a hold of yourself. With little choice left, you grabbed the flint and steel that Henry kept in his side of the cave and hurried out as fast as your makeshift crutches could carry you

As you passed the cave entrance, you barely took notice of the person tending to the cooking fire, Jessica, you think, until she called your name

You turned and she began to ask you about where you were going and why you looked so distressed

This was... odd. You knew this girl or, to be more precise, knew of her. With everyone living so close together, of course you had talked to her before, but it was never over anything meaningful. She had certainly never asked where you were going or expressed concern for you before. Hell, it took her a few weeks to even learn your name!

You told her you were headed for the beach, and that seemed to make her nervous. She stammered out something about how the weather would turn bad soon, and that you should stay inside of the cave. You looked up, and the sky was clear. Not a cloud in sight. You then stared back at her nervous face for a moment, not a word exchanged between you two, before heading towards the beach

She quickly got up and followed you, saying something about how she had wanted to go on a walk anyway

As you made the trip, you gathered whatever dry wood you could find, making Jessica carry it for you

When you made it to the edge of the beach, you gathered up the wood and began striking the flint and steel, trying to get a flame to catch. Jessica stood off to the side, shifting in place while eyeing the jungle, neither offering help nor discouragement

After a few minutes, a small flame caught, and you gently blew on it to get it to grow, until it was able to survive on its own. Slowly, you began feeding it dried twigs and sticks

Jessica eventually decided to sit next to you, watching the flame for a while before asking you why you built one so far away from the caves

You explained that you wanted a signal fire on the beach so passing ships and planes could see you. Something sad and conflicted crossed her face as she tried to tell you it had been nearly half a year, and that no one was coming. You cut her off and told her that as long as you were alive, there was hope of leaving. She didn't say anything else, and you didn't either

The sun crawled across the sky, and the temperatures rose with it. Jessica tried to get you to head back to the caves to get food or at least some water, but you refused. You may be thirsty, hungry, and miserable from the humidity and the exertion it took to walk out here with a broken leg, but the thought of returning made your blood run cold. Something inside of you said that if you made the choice to go back, then it was all over. You would never be able to leave the island

By mid-afternoon, Jessica left, mumbling something about going to get water. You didn't acknowledge her, almost certain she wasn't coming back

When you heard the sound of footsteps half an hour later, you thought she had actually returned. Surprised, you looked up to greet her, only to see Henry smiling, a jug of water in his hand and a couple of skewered fish in the other

You reluctantly accepted the food and water, and the both of you sat in silence while you ate

The sun was starting to set by the time Henry tried asking you about the fire. You didn't respond. He kept pressing the issue, then tried switching to different subjects, asking about your leg, how you were feeling, anything and everything to get you to talk. Eventually, you interrupted him

"Where's the flare gun?"

That got him to shut up. For a moment, he said nothing, staring into the fire like it could give him the answer. Finally, he spoke.

"... For a while, there, I thought I was being paranoid when I moved it. That I read the situation wrong. But then Jessica came back and told me where you were, and I realized I never doubted my decision, I just didn't want to be right. I was afraid of having this talk. "

"Where is it?"

"Bottom of the ocean."

Your heart plummeted to your stomach, but Henry pressed on.

"I know you're not gonna believe me, kid, I don't expect you to. It still sounds crazy to me, but it's true."

"After... the accident, I was lost. All I had ever wanted was to be a dad, and it was taken from me. I spent years trying to find myself again. I sold everything; my car, my house, and anything I couldn't carry in my pack and traveled. First, it was just across the US, roughing it in whatever place I'd end up, then backpacking my way across Europe, trying to find some kind of revelation that could make sense of what happened, but I never found it. I was on my way to Australia when our plane crashed, and I thought it was a punishment. That after failing to protect my family and running away from it all, that this is what I deserve, to die on an island in the middle of nowhere with no one to grieve me."

He began to smile, but it was tight, like he was fighting to keep it down.

"But then I saw you, the spitting image of my baby all grown up. And then we found the cave, and the fresh water, and I realized this wasn't a punishment. This is my reward. After all the pain and the suffering, I finally have what I want. I can be whole again."

"What about all the other people? They don't deserve to be stuck here!"

He shrugged, his smile never wavering.

"Collateral, I suppose. They don't matter much."

"What about me? I had a family already and I loved them, and they loved me! I didn't deserve to be taken away from them."

"I know it seems like they loved you and that you were happy, but I promise, you weren't. It wasn't real. The island wouldn't have brought you here if it was. You're meant to be here, just as much as me. It might take a while, but you'll realize it eventually. You'll grow to love it more than you ever loved your old home."

You looked at him, his smile almost ghoulish in the waning light of the sunset. You tried to reconcile this man with the same man you saw the first day of the crash, his calm, comforting demeanor of him talking you through those horrible events of the first day, and it clashed with the deranged image before you. It made no sense. How long had he been like this? Was it the effects of the island, or was he always like this? Unable to make up your mind, you say the first thing that pops in your head

"You're fucking crazy."

His smile didn't waver. He merely nodded at your words.

"I had a feeling this was how it was going to go."

He clapped his hands on his legs as he pushed himself up and walked towards you.

"But it'll all turn out fine. There's plenty of time for you to come around."

With that, he kicked sand on your fire until it fizzled out. You tried to stop him, but it was gone in only a matter of seconds

The most disturbing thing about the island that you had never been able to adjust to wasn't the bugs or isolation, but the dark. Every night, after the sunset, you were practically blind, unable to make out anything in front of you. And on moonless nights like tonight? Complete and utter darkness. Unless you had a torch with you, it made navigating the island impossible

You yelled at him, asking him why he would extinguish the only light you had. How would you get back to the cave? He waved off your concerns like they didn't matter

Suddenly you felt a pair of arms lift you up, and your first instinct was to struggle against it, but you stopped yourself. Even now, you knew you couldn't make it back on your own. So you clung to him, letting Henry carry you back to the cave

As he walked, you noticed no hesitancy in his movements. No bumping into bushes or trees, no feet getting caught in roots or holes, absolutely nothing. And you knew that he was just as blind as you were out here. It was like he knew the island like the back of his hand

Jessica was at the cave entrance, tending to the fire like she had this morning. She gave you a wave and a small, apologetic smile, but you didn't return it

He took you to your bed and wished you a good night before he returned to his own

It took you hours to fall asleep, and when you finally did, it was troubled, full of half-remembered nightmares and fear. When you woke up, it was well past dawn, and Henry was already gone

You sat up and tried to reach for your crutches, only to realize they weren't anywhere near you. Panic and confusion flooded your mind until you remembered what happened last night. You didn't walk back here, Henry carried you, leaving your crutches behind. Distantly, you wondered if he did that on purpose

You sat there for a while, trying to wrap your mind around your mobility problem when a voice called out to you. It was Jessica, carrying your crutches

After she gave them to you, she started to explain that yesterday, Henry had expressed worry over your mental state, telling her that the fall you took might have been more serious than he previously thought, and that he's only catching on to it now. He had asked her to watch you and make sure you didn't leave the cave

She wasn't sure what to make of it. Though she didn't believe there was something wrong with you, she also didn't know you that well, and who was she to question Henry? And, according to her, she had always been a pushover, so she agreed

But then you were leaving, and she couldn't find it in herself to make any serious effort to stop you, so she followed you instead. Watching you navigate your way with your broken leg, and your determination in starting the fire, your reasoning for it all, it spoke to her. Maybe Henry and the rest of the survivors were resigned to stay, but she still wanted to go home, too

A spark of hope lit in your chest. For the first time since learning about Henry's betrayal, you didn't feel alone

Hesitantly, you told her that Henry had put out the fire when he brought you back. She seemed shocked, but not disbelieving, commenting that he seemed to enjoy living on the island a little too much for her comfort. If only she knew the full story

You considered telling her, but you didn't want to sound crazy and lose the only ally you had. So, you simply nodded, and together you formed a plan

The both of you would go down to the shore and pick a spot that Henry wouldn't suspect. Then at night, one of you would go down and start and maintain the fire throughout the night

Unfortunately, Henry had figured out what was happening rather quickly. One night, he followed you down to the beach, only revealing himself when you started the fire

You expected him to put it out and carry you back to the cave, but instead, he sat down next to you and apologized for kicking out your fire the other day. You didn't think he was sincere for a second, but you nodded at him anyway. He took that as a signal to start talking, ang he eventaully started telling stories, and not just any stories, but the corny kind you tell around a campfire while roasting hot dogs and marshmallows to try and scare each other. All overdone spooks and muffled laughs and good cheer. The non-serious attitude he had made you uneasy, but you didn't know what to do, other than let him continue

The next time you came down, he walked with you, and you saw that between your shifts, he had made two elevated cots made of bamboo, cordage, and palm leaves next to the firepit

He seemed proud of himself, going over to them and telling you how they were made, where he had learned how to make them, and other bits of information you didn't bother listening to, too caught up in your own thoughts to care

Seeing these cots finally made you realize why you disliked him telling you those campfire stories the night before: it meant that he didn't care about you trying to get rescued, because he genuinely didn't believe it was going to happen. That this was all useless, and that you would eventually fizzle out and stop trying to contact the outside world. That this would all amount to nothing more than memories of camping and bonding with the man who was convinced he was meant to be your father

Mechanically, you went about lighting the fire and carefully tending to it like you had every other night. Henry watched you work, a passive look on his face. He complimented how fast you put it together, and how much better you've gotten at it since you started. You couldn't hide your grimace

Two months had passed since you lit the first beach fire, and emotionally, you were worn out

It wasn't how humid and hot it was sleeping outside of the caves, or how much the night shifts threw off your circadian rhythm, or how isolating it was to spend most of your waking time maintaining the fire. (though all of these did suck) What really did you in was Henry's company

Despite everything that he had done, he still acted like the same Henry you knew. Patient, soft-spoken, slightly socially awkward, with a penchant for terrible dad jokes. And above all, he was caring. It didn't matter how much you bristled at him trying to care for a cut palm, or how often you brushed off his concerns over your worsening sleep, or rebuked what seemed like honest sympathy in your worst moments when you were all but convinced that help wouldn't arrive, he would still find ways to talk you into letting him help

And when he finally did... it felt nice. Of course, you also felt anger and a deep sense of shame, but none of those could drown out the relief of having someone take care of you. You had missed your parents so much, and even though you knew he wasn't a substitute for them, the attention and concern from him felt so similar. You often felt a pang of sadness when you thought about it. In another life, he would have been a good dad

Then, there were those nights when you were so worn down that you couldn't help but give in and talk to him. In those moments, it felt like nothing bad had happened between you two. Henry wasn't a sad, delusional man trying desperately to fill the hole in his heart, and you weren't a castaway kept prisoner by him

In your mind, you could imagine that you and your parents went on a camping trip with Uncle Henry, a close family friend. They were off gathering supplies from the car while you and Henry tended to the fire, him teaching you about wilderness survival and stories of his trips abroad to pass the time while waiting for them to come back

You wondered, when you finally got rescued, if that has to be a fantasy. Maybe when you got back, you could urge him to seek help, and perhaps, he could get better. Introduce him to your family, invite him over for Sunday dinners with your other aunts, uncles, and cousins. Let him know that he doesn't have to be alone or suffer in his delusions. That he can still have a family without having to keep it trapped, that you can be free and loved

By the end of the second month, you were on the edge, wondering how much longer you could continue doing this. Jessica was worn out as well, and you could see the conviction slowly leave her eyes, day after day. You wondered when she would finally come up to you and tell you that she was done

Tonight, you were alone, slowly feeding the flame dry sticks and grass, staring aimlessly into the horizon

You barely noticed it at first, it blending into the night sky like a wallflower. But then it got a little closer, a little brighter, and your eyes refocused, fixated on it. A light in the distant, black horizon creeping closer

Adrenaline pumped through your body, lighting your chest aflame as you raced into the edge of the jungle and started gathering more wood to pile on the signal fire. You ignored the bites from mosquitos and cuts and bumps from the trees and plants around you. Your pain didn't matter, not like the fire did

You began feeding the fire as much wood as it could take without smothering it, eyes rapidly moving back and forth from the light to the flame

As the light grew closer, and closer, your heart beat faster and faster, threatening to burst out of your chest. You were almost lightheaded with joy, unable to think straight. The moment you began to make out the faint outline of a ship heading your way, you started screaming and waving your hands like a lunatic, not caring if they were still too far away to hear you. You couldn't stop yourself

A few minutes later, rustling could be heard behind you, and then a burst of noise, cheers and screams tearing through the night. You turned to find that a few survivors had come out of the cave to see what you were yelling about, Henry included

The group was ecstatic, yelling and waving and crying in joy, but Henry stayed back, stock still, staring at the boat with the same subdued face of panic that a person seeing an oncoming tsunami would have. Full of despair and fear over what was to come, but knowing you were useless to prevent it from happening

It dampened your delirious excitement for a brief moment, and you walked up to him, touching his shoulder to get his attention. His eyes snapped down to yours, alarmed at the sudden touch. You gave him a small smile and tried to reassure him

"I know you didn't want this to happen, but this is a good thing, I promise."

There was no response, only wild, fearful eyes. You could only hope it brought him some kind of comfort

The rest of the group made it to the beach and began yelling and cheering as well, and you decided to join them, finding Jessica in the crowd. She all but jumped on you, hugging you close as she cried

Some way off the coast, the ship, a commercial fishing vessel, came to a stop and a smaller boat was lowered into the water, a lone man naviagting his way to shore

When he finally made it to land and the excitement was overwhelming. Everyone welcomed him with an enormous amount of joy before he could even speak a word. One survivor even ran up and flung themself on him, kissing him on the cheek, to the fisherman's amusement and shock

It took a few minutes for everyone to calm down long enough for the man to speak, informing the group that they could only bring over a few people at a time. To your surprise, Henry asked to be a part of the first group taken to the ship. After everything that he had done for them, no one in the group questioned it, easily allowing him the spot. You were also part of that first trip, considering you were injured. There was a medic on board, and they wanted to have a look at your leg. A few more people were placed on the small boat, and then it was back on the sea, heading towards the main ship

You gave a brief wave to Jessica as the before the boat sped off, and she waved back, eyes still watery. For the first time since you crashed, you thought you would be okay

As the ship grew closer, you spared a glance at Henry, who hadn't taken his eyes off it the entire way there. His face was fixed, eyes glazed, like he was lost in thought, completely immersed in his mind. You let him be. You knew how tough this was for him, and you were happy that he was finally accepting his this

Everyone was pulled on board, and the ship's crew became preoccupied with taking care of the survivors, with you being taken to see the ship's medic. You easily lost track of Henry in the confusion

You were taken to a room, and inside a middle-aged, graying man with a worn-down face and a warm smile greeted you. He looked over your leg and commented that it looked nearly fully healed, and that you must of been well taken care of. Wistfully, you agreed

He tells you that you're all set to leave, and points you in the direction of where all the other survivors were being kept

In the short walk between rooms, you let your mind drift, thinking about all the things you'll do when you finally make it home, and how wonderful it will be to finally have a real shower, sleep on a real bed, and finally not eat food with seasoning again. You were completely lost in your daydreams. Perhaps this is why you didn't hear anyone sneaking up behind you

One moment, you were walking down the hall, the next a hand clamped over your mouth, and another secured itself around your torso, dragging you into the nearest room

Cloth was stuffed in your mouth, and you were easily wrestled down to the floor, limbs pinned down as your attacker hogtied them together

You tried to fight, but it was useless, the figure easily outclassing you in height and weight. But you tried to anyway, survival instincts already kicked into overdrive

In your frantic struggles, you finally caught a glimpse of who your attacker was and stopped moving

It was Henry

He locked eyes with you, and for a moment, no one moved. He only stared, his face grim and regretful, mouth pressed into a thin line

Shock finally wore off, and you took this opportunity to headbutt him in his nose

He easily dodged your attack, and then finished binding your limbs. With practiced movements, he dragged you over to a closet and placed you inside, disturbingly gentle in the way he handled you

He gave you a look before muttering a quiet apology and closing the door

You immediately started squirming on the floor like a wild animal, screams trying so hard to leave your mouth, only for it to be muffled by your gag

No amount of pulling or wiggling could get you free of your restraints, the knots were too tight, the rope too strong

You resorted to kicking against the door, hoping beyond hope that someone would hear you and come to your rescue

Minutes passed, and though you slowed down, you didn't stop, despite how tired and heavy your legs grew. You couldn't stop. You were almost home. What was Henry doing?

Finally, the door opened, and for a moment, you were overtaken with joy, only to see that it was Henry again

You pushed yourself as far away from him as you could, but there was no point. You couldn't get away from him. He picked you up and carried you out of the room, rapidly making his way to the deck, towards the same tiny lifeboat you had been rescued with

He lowered you into the boat, and next to you were boxes of food and medical supplies that weren't there before, before getting on the boat himself and starting the boat's motor, making his way back to the island

The fight was burnt out of you now, body sore from the exertion and emotional rollercoaster of the past hour. You could only lie down and try and think of another way out

Quickly, you realized the futility of what Henry was doing. Okay, he had managed to get you and him back to the island, but so what? People were going to notice that you and Henry were missing. Couple that with the missing lifeboat, and it would become pretty clear what had happened. The fisherman may not be able to reach you without the boat, but they knew where you were. They would go back to the mainland, inform people of where you were, and rescue would come again. Henry had only bought himself time, but he still lost. You were going to get off this island. You were going to be okay-

A skull-shatteringly loud explosion and a blinding light came from behind the lifeboat, drowning out your thoughts. Shockwaves were sent from the explosion that caused waves, rocking the tiny lifeboat and pushing it even closer to the island

You tried to prop yourself up to see over the walls of the boat, to show yourself that what you thought happened didn't happen at all. But it was only after the boat came ashore and Henry pulled you out and gently placed you on the sand did you manage to finally get a look

Out in the horizon, in the dim twilight of the early morning, the sinking wreckage of the ship you had just been on only minutes before was up in flame. There was no movement other than the floating debris, no sound other than your muffled cries

You could only stare, watching the fire get smaller as it sunk into the sea

"You know I had to do it, right?"

You glance back to Henry, and saw the worried look on his face. Desperate, almost pleading. It aged him more than a million days on this island ever could.

"I didn't have a choice. They were taking us away. I couldn't let that happen."

He kept staring at you like he was looking for something. Forgiveness? Reassurance? Even if you did want to offer those to him, you couldn't. Your mouth was gagged, and your hands were tied. All you could do was watch him fall apart

"I couldn't go back. There's nothing out there waiting for me but pain and loneliness. Do you know what's it's like to be so alone? To not have a purpose? It would of killed me. I can't-"

He placed his face in his hands, took a deep, shaky breath, and released it. He gripped the side of his face as he slowly fell to his knees on the sand, eyes wide and far away as you continued to cry into your gag and stare

"I had to. I didn't have a choice. They would of taken you away. I had to, I had to, I had to..."

[justarkive]

TABLE 3 | jjk ch20

“For good service, and cute waitresses.”

pairing: pre!military jk x waitress/secret fuckbuddy!oc

warnings: profanity, angst, humour, fluff, celebrity au, idol!jungkook , mentions of other kpop groups/idols, inner conflict, insecurity.

chap warnings: jk begs for seven days a week. hes so desperate LOL. nari mean as usual. uhhhhh this chap is p much js jk begging. mentions of oc being drunk. idk.

wc: medium length idk

this fic is not meant to represent the real jungkook or any other characters mentioned!

taglist: @jenniebyrubies @dreamersparacosm @darklove2020 @rayyrayy10 @elinaki92 @alana4610 @bjoriis @kaitieskidmore97 @cuntessaiii

a/n: was debating whether to leave this chapter on a cliffhanger or not and I decided yes cuz next one it will hit so much harder. I promise you they sort things out in the next chapter and there will be some pussay clenching smut but not right now sorry guys anyway stay locked in for the next chapter. tysm for reading thank youuuuu my bbs

masterlist , < prev | next >

Monday

Jungkook wakes up in a blur of warmth and regret, tangled in sheets that smell like nothing. They should smell like you. They did smell like you. That soft, familiar scent that clung to his hoodie whenever you’d burrow into his chest after a long shift. Instead, it’s just detergent and sleep, and he fucking hates it.

He groans, sitting up, blinking blearily at the sunlight slicing through the blinds. His phone is the first thing he grabs, thumb unlocking it with muscle memory, swiping down to his messages.

Nothing. Like always.

No texts. No missed calls. No tiny olive branch in the form of a single word, an emoji, a punctuation mark—anything.

He exhales sharply, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Yeah, no shit,” he mutters to himself. What did he expect? That you’d suddenly wake up and forgive him because the sun rose?

He tosses his phone onto the bed with a scoff, laughing bitterly at his own stupidity before dragging himself to the bathroom.

The shower is quick—hot enough to scald, like it can burn off the mistakes of the past few weeks. It doesn’t. When he steps out, towel slung low on his hips, the clock reads 8:00 AM.

Which means 8:30 is soon.

Which means 9:00 AM is coming.

Which means you’ll be at work.

He swipes his phone off the bed again, checks one more time—just in case, just to confirm that he is, in fact, a pathetic idiot—before dressing quickly. Simple fit. Black hoodie, sweats, cap. Sunglasses, in case the universe is feeling extra cruel today.

At first, he’s thinking of heading to the supermarket. That’s what normal people do, right? Pick up a bouquet, make some dramatic apology with store-bought roses that have been sitting in the refrigerated section for God knows how long?

But then he shakes his head.

No.

That’s not him. That’s not you.

The supermarket is impersonal. The flowers there have no life. They’re plucked, packaged, shipped, and sold, like love on a goddamn conveyor belt. And maybe if this were any other girl, he could settle for that.

But this is you. And you’re not any other girl.

And for you, only the field will do.

It takes twenty minutes to get there, and by the time Jungkook pulls up, the morning air is crisp and golden, the kind that makes you feel like something is about to change. The field stretches before him in lazy waves, dotted with wildflowers that seem to reach toward the sun, unaware of the man currently kneeling in their midst like a desperate idiot.

His hands sink into the earth, fingers brushing against soft petals as he plucks the daisies carefully, like an offering. The yellow ones. The ones that remind him of you.

It should be ridiculous. Maybe it is. But the thought of you holding something that grew from the ground, something touched by the same wind that once tangled your hair when he brought you here—

That’s worth a little dirt on his knees.

Once he has enough, he dusts himself off, eyeing his work. The bouquet is uneven, messy, imperfect—just like him. But it’s real. And real is all he can give you.

He stops by a convenience store on the way back. No extravagant chocolates. No fancy truffles or artisan shit he can’t pronounce. Just plain milk chocolate—safe, simple, something he knows you’ll eat without question.

And then it’s time.

He drives to your apartment, and when he arrives, Jungkook double-checks before stepping out of his car, watching your apartment window like a hawk. No movement. No shadows. Just stillness.

Good.

He moves quickly, hood pulled up, sunglasses on, looking less like a world-famous singer and more like some local creep delivering secret gifts. He crouches at your doorstep, placing the bundle of daisies down with careful precision, like if he moves too fast, they’ll disintegrate. Then, he pulls a scrap of paper from his pocket, unfolding it with shaky fingers.

A pen was a struggle to find this morning, and the ink smudged a little when he wrote the note, but the words are clear enough:

Please just talk to me. One word. One text. Anything. I’m sorry.

His throat tightens as he sets it beside the flowers, weighing it down with the chocolate bar so it won’t fly away.

And then he retreats.

Back to the car. Back to waiting.

He stays there, parked across the street like a total freak, watching, waiting, ignoring the calls from his manager that light up the dashboard. He should be in meetings. He should be doing literally anything else. But nothing feels more important than this.

Time stretches thin. Hours pass.

Until finally, a familiar car pulls in.

Nari’s.

Jungkook straightens instinctively, heart hammering. He ducks slightly, shifting in his seat like a criminal evading capture.

You step out of the passenger side, looking—God.

Tired. Pretty. Distant. Everything he misses and everything he’s lost, wrapped into one person.

He stays completely still as you walk toward the apartment, Nari at your side, keys in hand. He can’t see your face when you stop at the door, can’t hear the words exchanged, but he doesn’t need to. He watches, frozen, as you look down.

And then, you pick up the chocolates.

Not the flowers. Not the note. Just the chocolates, snatched up and taken inside like nothing else exists.

Jungkook exhales shakily.

It hurts.

It stings in that way only you can make it sting. But at the same time—his heart clenches, because it’s so you. It’s such a you thing to do, choosing something safe, something easy, something that doesn’t require touching the mess he made.

And at least you took something, right?

At least that means something.

Doesn’t it?

He waits another twenty minutes, just to be sure. Then, like a thief in the night, he sneaks back up, creeping toward your doorstep with the grace of a man who has nothing left to lose.

And sure enough, the flowers are still there. The note, untouched.

Jungkook swallows hard, staring at the remnants of his silent plea.

His hands clench at his sides.

This is going to take more than just daisies.

Tuesday

Jungkook has never been much of a morning person, but today, he’s up before his alarm. Not that he really slept. He spent most of the night staring at his ceiling, replaying the moment you snatched the chocolates off your doorstep like some kind of reluctant peace offering. It wasn’t much. But it was something.

And something is better than nothing.

So, naturally, he decides today needs to be bolder.

Sitting in his car, parked outside the diner five minutes before your shift starts, he ignores the relentless buzzing of his phone.

Another meeting missed. Another unread text from his manager.

Whatever.

They can wait. You, on the other hand—

Well, he can’t afford to waste time.

When he walks into the diner, the bell above the door chimes, and the air smells exactly the same as it always has—coffee, maple syrup, a faint trace of grease and nostalgia. It’s the kind of scent that clings to you, seeps into your clothes, settles in your hair.

The scent of the place where he met you.

The last time he was here, he had sulked at a table like a lovesick idiot. But today, he heads straight for the bar—the place where you and Nari always stand.

His presence is immediate, like a storm rolling in. You’re mid-conversation with a customer when you see him, and your whole body stiffens. The easy warmth in your voice vanishes, replaced by something colder, sharper.

Jungkook slides onto the stool at the bar like he belongs there, like he’s just some guy grabbing coffee instead of a man desperately trying to piece himself back together in the exact place where he lost you.

And then—

You scowl.

Hard.

Your eyes narrow, your lips press into a thin, furious line, and for a split second, he swears you might actually throw the pot of coffee at his head.

He may or may not find it the tiniest bit cute.

But then—your lip trembles. Just a little.

And his heart seizes in his chest.

Because there it is. There you are. Even if it’s just in the form of pure, unfiltered hatred—it’s still you. He’ll take it.

Nari appears like an omen, planting herself directly between you and Jungkook with her arms crossed, expression screaming murder.

“Oh, look,” she drawls. “A stray dog. Didn’t realize we were running a shelter today.”

Jungkook sighs. “Good morning to you too, Nari.”

“Don’t ‘good morning’ me. What do you want?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer immediately. He should say coffee. He should say breakfast. He should say literally anything normal. But his eyes flicker back to you, watching the way you very deliberately avoid looking at him, the tension wound tight in your shoulders.

You’re mad. You’re hurt. But you’re still here.

And that’s enough.

Nari clicks her tongue, unimpressed. “Alright, since you’re just gonna sit there like an emotionally constipated golden retriever, I’ll get your Americano.”

She turns, yanks the coffee pot off the burner, and pours it aggressively into a glass of ice. The way she slams it down in front of him nearly causes a spill.

“No refills,” she snaps.

Jungkook exhales through his nose, staring at the mug. “Jeez, thanks.”

“Fuck off.”

He takes a sip, but the coffee tastes like sawdust. Not because it’s bad—but because his stomach is twisted into knots, and you still haven’t said a single word to him.

So he does what he’s been doing best lately—he watches.

Watches the way you greet customers with a polite smile, the way you laugh at some old man’s joke, the way you linger just a little longer at table 3 when you think he isn’t looking.

And he knows what you’re doing.

You’re putting on a show.

You’re making sure he sees how fine you are without him. It’s working.

And it’s pissing him the fuck off.

Especially when your boss, the old-aged guy with graying hair, makes a passing comment about how “someone’s extra cheerful today.”

Jungkook’s grip on his mug tightens. He stays long enough to suffer through another fifteen minutes of watching you pretend he doesn’t exist before he gives up. There’s no point.

This was a stupid idea.

So he digs into his pocket, pulls out some cash, and slaps it onto the counter—more than enough for the coffee and then some.

“Keep the change,” he mutters.

Then, without another word, he turns and storms out, and second the door swings shut behind him, you let out a shaky breath.

Nari smirks, wiping her hands on her apron. “Well, that was fun.”

You don’t answer. Your chest feels tight, your hands still curled into fists.

It wasn’t fun. Not even a little bit.

Because the moment you saw him sitting there, looking at you like that, it felt like someone had cracked open your ribs and reached straight into your heart. And now, as much as you don’t want to, you feel like crying.

Nari sees it before you can even blink.

“Hey,” she says, voice softer now. She nudges you gently with her elbow. “It’s okay.”

You exhale sharply, then force yourself to meet her gaze. And then, with zero hesitation, Nari lifts her hand.

“High five?” She grins.

You hesitate for a split second before finally slapping your palm against hers.

It’s weak. Pathetic.

But it’s something..

Wednesday

Jungkook has officially lost it.

That’s the only logical conclusion. Because at this point, he’s not even in his car anymore. He’s not lurking from the shadows like some angsty movie protagonist. No.

He’s sitting outside your apartment.

Like a fucking maniac.

At first, he tells himself he’ll only stay for a little while. Just an hour. Maybe two. Just enough time to—what? What is he even expecting to happen? That you’ll step outside and suddenly decide you love him again? That you’ll take one look at his miserable ass and fold instantly?

Pathetic.

Still, he stays. And he waits. And he waits. And—

His phone vibrates in his pocket. Again.

The screen lights up with another call from his manager, who, at this point, is probably questioning whether Jungkook is alive.

He flips his phone over, setting it face-down on the concrete. Not today.

The hours pass painfully slow. He watches the sky shift from bright blue to burnt orange to deep, inky black, and still—no sign of you.

Where the fuck are you?

He pulls out his phone and checks the date.

Wednesday. Your day off.

And just like that, it hits him.

You’re out.

It’s your day off. You’re out.

How the fuck did he forget?

He groans, dragging his hands down his face. No wonder you haven’t come home yet. You’re probably off having the time of your life while he sits here like an abandoned dog.

Embarrassing.

Still, he waits. For what? He doesn’t know.

And then—finally—at 9 p.m, he hears footsteps. Loud. Stumbling. A little chaotic. And then—

Laughter.

His head snaps up just in time to see you and Nari rounding the corner, heels clicking against the pavement, arms linked.

And—

Oh.

You’re in a dress.

A tiny fucking dress.

It’s barely there, riding up your thighs, hugging every curve, glittering faintly under the dim glow of the streetlights.

And Nari? She’s just as bad. The two of you look like you’ve just walked straight out of some high-fashion editorial.

Jungkook swallows. Hard.

He should not be thinking about how good you look.

But he is.

Fuck.

Your hair is a mess. Your makeup is slightly smudged. You’re clearly tipsy, giggling at something Nari just said, your arms wrapped around each other for balance.

And yet, you’ve never looked more beautiful.

For a second, he just stares. Then—he moves.

He’s on his feet in an instant, brushing dust off his jeans as he takes a hesitant step forward.

And then—Nari spots him. Her entire face drops. “Oh, hell no.”

Jungkook freezes.

You blink blearily, head tilting. “Wait…” You squint, eyes unfocused, like you’re trying to process if he’s really there or if the alcohol is playing tricks on you. “Is that…?”

Nari tightens her grip around your waist. “Nope. It’s not.”

Jungkook steps closer. “Baby—”

“NOPE.”

You frown, blinking rapidly. “Wait, that is Jungkook, right?”

“Nope,” Nari says again, louder this time, already dragging you toward the door.

Jungkook exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair. “Come on, just—just let me talk to her—”

“Do I look like a fucking messenger pigeon to you?” Nari snaps. “No. Back.”

Jungkook groans, watching helplessly as Nari practically shoves you inside like she’s stuffing contraband into a duffel bag.

You, however, are still incredibly lost.

“Wait, was that Jungkook?” Your voice is muffled through the door.

“No.”

“Nari, I swear I saw—”

“You saw nothing.”

“Why would you lie to me?”

Jungkook hears you stomp your foot, and for a brief moment, he can’t tell if he wants to laugh or cry.

And then—

“NARI, I WANTED TO TALK TO HIM—”

“NO, YOU DIDN’T—”

“YES, I DID—”

“GO TO BED.”

The door slams.

Silence.

Jungkook closes his eyes, exhaling slowly through his nose. Nothing is working.

Absolutely fucking nothing.

Thursday

Jungkook is trapped.

Not literally. He could technically walk out of the studio if he really wanted to. He could ditch the shoot, escape into the city, do what he does best—run.

But that’s the problem. He doesn’t want to run.

He wants you.

Unfortunately, his manager has finally caught up to his little disappearing act, and now he’s paying the price. His entire Thursday is wasted inside a freezing studio, stuck in the same cycle of flashing lights, outfit changes, and fake-ass smiles for a camera he doesn’t give a single shit about anymore.

Every time a photographer tells him to “look sexy,” he just ends up looking like someone who hasn’t slept in three days. Which, fair.

Still, he goes through the motions. Poses, angles, the occasional deep sigh.

And then—finally—a break.

The moment he’s released from the studio and into the break room, he practically collapses into one of the cheap plastic chairs, head thudding against the table.

God, he’s losing his mind.

And it’s only been three days.

He groans, rubbing a hand over his face before pulling out his phone.

Nothing.

No messages. No calls.

Not from you. Not from anyone.

(Except his manager, but he’s ignoring those.)

His knee bounces beneath the table as he stares at the empty inbox, a deep frustration clawing at his ribs. He’s already tried texting. He’s already tried calling. And yesterday—he even fucking sat outside your door like a stray cat waiting for scraps, and still—nothing.

He’s getting desperate.

Which is why, against all logic, he suddenly finds himself logging into a work computer and pulling up his email.

It’s a stupid idea.

But he does it anyway.

The subject line is empty. The body of the email even more so. At first, he just types your name. Then, a single word.

Please.

And then—he hits send. A few seconds later—

Undelivered.

Jungkook stares blankly at the error message, blinking.

Oh.

That’s when he realizes—

You blocked him.

On fucking email.

His desperation reaches new, dangerous levels.

Because suddenly, he’s pulling out his phone again, fingers moving entirely on their own, searching—

For Nari’s number.

The only problem? He doesn’t have Nari’s number. So what does he do? He fucking looks it up. On Facebook. Jungkook has never felt like a creep in his entire life—until now. But it works. Because a few minutes later, he finds it.

And before he can even think—he texts her.

Jungkook [3:27 PM]: hey

Jungkook [3:28 PM]: please just tell her to talk to me

The response is immediate.

Nari [3:28 PM]: fuck off

Jungkook exhales, already feeling the migraine forming.

Jungkook [3:29 PM]: okay but like. how did u even know it was me

Nari [3:29 PM]: because i haven’t given my number to a single man since 2018 and ur the only dumbass desperate enough to go looking for it

Jungkook pauses.

She’s…not wrong.

Jungkook [3:30 PM]: yeah okay fair.

Jungkook [3:31 PM]: but can u just tell her i emailed her

Nari [3:31 PM]: LMAOOOOO

Nari [3:32 PM]: EMAIL?????

Nari [3:32 PM]: holy fuck ur down BAD

Jungkook groans, throwing his head back.

Jungkook [3:32 PM]: forget it

He slams his phone down onto the table with a loud thud, drawing the attention of literally everyone else in the break room.

A few stylists give him weird looks. One of the photographers eyes him warily over the rim of their coffee cup. Someone even mutters, “Is he okay?”

Jungkook does not care.

He’s losing his fucking mind.

——

The sound of rain pattering against the window fills the small apartment, a steady rhythm against the distant hum of the city. The lamp casts a dim glow over the living room, illuminating the two of you in the comfortable mess of your couch—half-empty takeout containers on the coffee table, a forgotten drama playing on the TV, and a blanket lazily draped over both your legs.

It should be a peaceful night.

But Nari is looking at you.

Too long. Too intently.

And you know exactly what she’s about to say.

“So,” she starts, dragging the word out as she shifts, resting her chin on her palm. “When are you gonna give in?”

You blink, turning to her. “What?”

Nari raises an eyebrow. “When are you gonna give in?” she repeats, slower this time. “Have you not seen this man has been begging for basically a week straight?”

Your stomach clenches. You grip the blanket tighter, staring down at the threads. “I—” You shake your head, voice hesitant. “I don’t know, Nari.”

“You don’t know?” she repeats, incredulous. “Girl. Are you blind?”

You shoot her a glare. “No, I’m not blind.”

“You sure?” She gestures wildly with her hands. “Because from where I’m sitting, I see a man who’s been wrecking himself for you. Like, he’s practically on his knees at this point.”

You exhale sharply, shaking your head. “And then what, Nari?” Your voice wavers as you look at her. “What do I do after this week? After this month? What do we do when he leaves?” The words come out sharper than you intended, but you don’t stop. “He’s got what—three days and one week? And then what? He’s gone. For nearly two years.”

Nari’s face softens, but she doesn’t back down. “I get it. I do,” she says. “But look at him. He’s destroying himself for you.”

Your throat tightens. You want to argue, but you can’t. Because you’ve seen it, too.

The way he lingers outside your door like a ghost of something you once knew. The way he shows up at the diner, his eyes desperate, hopeful, even when you glare at him like he’s the last person on Earth you want to see. The way his voice trembled when he called you, pleading.

It’s breaking him.

And the worst part?

It’s breaking you, too.

Nari hesitates, lips pressing together, like she wants to say something else. Then, she sighs, shaking her head. “Just—just think about it, okay?”

You don’t respond.

Nari stands, stretching before grabbing her bag. “I’m gonna go home now,” she says, and her voice is gentler this time. “Love you. Bye.”

You barely manage to whisper back, “Love you, too.”

Then the door clicks shut, and you’re left alone.

Alone with your thoughts.

And the lingering scent of rain through the open window.

Friday

Jungkook doesn’t even realize he’s driven to the field until his feet hit the dirt. Like instinct. Muscle memory. Like the universe pulled him here before he even made the choice.

The air is crisp, biting at his skin, but he barely notices. He just stands there, staring at the spot where he fell in love with you. The same stretch of grass. The same quiet wind. The same fucking daisies that keep growing back no matter what.

Like nothing ever happened.

Like he didn’t fucking ruin everything.

He exhales, running a hand through his hair. His chest feels tight. Maybe if he stands here long enough, he’ll wake up and this will have all been a bad dream. Maybe—

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

The voice is unmistakable.

Jungkook turns, and there, standing a few feet away, is Nari.

In full hot pink running gear.

It’s ridiculous. Blinding, even. Especially considering the fact that it’s mid-winter, and she’s standing in the middle of this field—the field—like she owns the place.

He tries—really tries—to stifle his laugh, but a smirk twitches at his lips.

“Of course you’re here,” he mutters.

“Of course I’m here?” Nari scoffs, putting her hands on her hips. “You’re the one who followed me, you fucking stalker. Or should I say, following YN?”

“I didn’t—” Jungkook shakes his head. “I didn’t even know you’d be here.”

Nari narrows her eyes. “Yeah. What a coincidence.” Then she shrugs. “Good. I was hoping I’d find you.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” she huffs. “Because I’m so fucking sick of watching my best friend cry over you every night.”

His stomach clenches. His heart twists so painfully he swears it physically aches. He swallows. “Why are you even here anyway?”

Nari scoffs again. “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. This stupid field.” She gestures vaguely at the open space, unimpressed. “I get it. It’s nice for runs.”

Jungkook deadpans. “You don’t even run.”

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna start,” she snaps back. “Whatever.”

She rips off her hot pink sweatband dramatically and points a finger at him. “Come on. Let’s talk, then.”

But neither of them actually end up talking.

Nari just stands there, casually taking selfies, the picture of someone who couldn’t care less. And Jungkook—Jungkook just stands there, watching her, the weight of everything pressing down on him.

Until he can’t take it anymore. Until it breaks him.

His knees hit the ground.

It’s not graceful. It’s not planned. It just happens. Like his body physically can’t hold it in anymore.

“Please.” His voice cracks. “Please, Nari. I can’t do this anymore. I— I can’t.”

Nari gasps.

“LITERALLY NO FUCKING WAY,” she blurts out, eyes wide as she stares down at him.

Jungkook doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that he looks pathetic, that she’s witnessing this downward spiral in real time. He just—he just needs.

“Please,” he begs again, voice raw. “Help me. I don’t— I don’t know what else to do. Please, Nari, I—”

Don’t think she’s not basking in this.

Nari thrives in power over a man, and this? This is once-in-a-lifetime content. Jungkook fucking Jeon—international superstar, golden boy, rich, famous, untouchable—is on his knees in the dirt, begging her for help.

She’s biting back laughter. Hard.

And she drags it out.

Because why the fuck wouldn’t she?

But then—then Jungkook looks up, his eyes shining, his voice so genuinely broken, and—

Okay. She might actually feel bad now.

Nari sighs, shaking her head. “Alright, alright, get up,” she mutters. “I’ll help.”

Jungkook’s head snaps up so fast she’s surprised he doesn’t get whiplash. His eyes widen. “Really?”

“Yeah, dumbass,” she grumbles, rolling her eyes. “I was just making you beg a little longer.”

Jungkook just stares at her, then lets out this half-laugh, half-disbelieving breath. “You’ve been so mean to me.”

Nari shrugs. “Yeah, well. You deserve it.”

After a beat, nobody’s moved.

Jungkook realizes this after a few seconds of silence. They’re both still standing there, neither of them making a move to leave or—well, do anything.

And Nari’s just staring at him.

Like she’s waiting.

Jungkook shifts awkwardly, suddenly a little nervous to ask. But then, quietly, hesitantly, he whispers—

“So… what are we doing then?” His voice is barely audible. “Like, uh—what’s the plan?”

Nari grins.

“Alright, listen up, loser,” she says, cracking her knuckles. “Here’s the deal. We’re going to the supermarket. You’re gonna get flowers. I’m gonna get her favorite snacks. You’re also gonna buy her a fucking plushie—whatever one we can find in the goddamn store. Then, we’re driving to her apartment. You’re going to stand in front of her door. I’m going to push you inside and slam the door. Got it?”

She blurts it all out so fast that Jungkook just… blinks. “Wait,” he says slowly. “Isn’t that a bit much?”

“Nope. Don’t care.”

Jungkook frowns. “That’s a lot,” he insists. “That—feels like an invasion of privacy.”

Nari huffs. “I don’t care. If this is what you both really want—which it clearly is—then I’m making it happen. I don’t care if she hates me for it. We’re doing it.”

Jungkook hesitates. Then he nods, running a hand through his hair. “Okay,” he mutters. “Okay, fine.”

Nari claps her hands together. “Great. Where’s your car?”

Jungkook hesitates again. Then, instead of answering, he turns… and kneels down into the grass.

For the second damn time today.

“Wait,” he says, reaching for the ground. “I need to pick the flowers from here.”

Nari squints. “What.”

“I need to pick them from here,” he repeats, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Nari just stares at him. “Jungkook, we do not have time for this.”

“Supermarket flowers are dead and lifeless,” he argues. “These have meaning.”

“Oh my God,” Nari groans. “We are literally about to have a whole-ass argument over flowers.”

“They’re not just flowers,” Jungkook insists, still kneeling in the grass. “They’re her flowers.”

Nari physically throws her head back in frustration. “Jungkook, I swear to God, get your sentimental ass up—”

She lunges forward and drags him up by his hoodie. Jungkook groans in protest, but she doesn’t let go until she’s physically forcing him toward the car.

And finally, finally, they drive to the supermarket.

Jungkook hates it here.

He stares at the saddest display of dead flowers, muttering to himself about how they have “no-life-having-ass” energy. Eventually, he just grabs the next best thing—the least ugliest daisies, which don’t even smell good.

“These are dying.” He pouts, turning the bouquet in his hand.

“Like your relationship,” Nari retorts “C’mon.”

Nari watches him grumble to himself with an exasperated sigh before grabbing a basket and aggressively pelting it full of your favorite snacks.

Jungkook eyes the growing pile, suspicious. “This is a lot,” he points out.

“Yeah?” Nari says, completely unbothered.

“I feel like some of this is for you,” he squints.

“Obviously,” Nari deadpans. “Now go pay.”

And he does.

They’re barely back in the car for one minute before Nari’s eyes widen.

“WAIT—”

Jungkook nearly slams on the brakes. “What?”

“You forgot the fucking plushie!” she screeches, smacking his arm.

Jungkook’s eyes bulge. “Shit.”

“GO BACK! GO BACK RIGHT NOW!”

“What?! Nari—*”

“Jungkook, go back before I throw myself out of this car!”

He panics. Without thinking, he throws the car into reverse and zooms back into the parking lot, nearly missing a traffic cone on the way. He parks so fast that the tires squeal against the pavement.

“Hurry the fuck up!” Nari yells.

Jungkook barely hears her—he’s already sprinting back inside the supermarket, dodging carts and random shoppers like he’s in a goddamn action movie.

He skids to a stop in the toy aisle, eyes darting wildly over the selection. “Shit, shit, shit—”

And then, he sees it.

A tiny, bright yellow plushie in the shape of a flower. Clearly a toy meant for toddlers, but he doesn’t care. He grabs it and rushes back to the register, swiping his card so fast that the cashier blinks at him like he’s insane.

By the time he throws himself back into the car, he’s out of breath. “Okay, got it,” he pants, shoving it in Nari’s direction.

Nari blinks down at the obviously kids plushie.

“Whatever, this will do,” she decides.

Jungkook frowns, still catching his breath. “You think she’ll still love it?”

Nari snorts. “Honestly?” She shrugs. “She’ll like anything that’s yellow and squishy.”

Jungkook lets out a breathy chuckle, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah,” he murmurs, smiling to himself. “She definitely would.”

——

The drive to your apartment is excruciating.

Jungkook grips the wheel like it’s his lifeline, knuckles white, jaw tight. The flowers and snacks sit on Nari’s lap, but she’s unbothered, scrolling through her phone, humming along to the radio.

Casual. Carefree. Like she’s not about to shove him into the biggest confrontation of his life.

Then—

Crunch.

Jungkook snaps his head to the side.

Nari is eating.

His fucking snacks.

“Nari.”

She glances at him, mid-chew. “What?”

Jungkook glares. “Seriously?”

She shrugs, taking another bite. “You got extras.”

Jungkook sighs, exasperated. “They’re for her.”

“It’s fine,” she says, waving him off. “She’s not gonna eat all of them at once. Jesus.”

Jungkook grips the wheel tighter. He should be focusing on the fact that he’s about to beg for his life. That he’s got one chance left before you walk out of his world forever.

But no.

He’s watching Nari inhale a family-sized bag of chips.

The injustice.

By the time they arrive, Jungkook is practically hyperventilating. The second the car stops, he reaches for the gear shift.

“I’ll come back tomorrow—”

Nari lunges.

She yanks the keys from the ignition, snatching them so fast he doesn’t even see her hand move.

Jungkook gawks.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Nari says, shoving open her door. “You’re doing this now.”

Jungkook stays seated.

Nari pauses. Then— “Get the fuck out of the car, Jungkook.”

Jungkook doesn’t move. Nari sighs. “Do you want me to drag you? Because we know how that went last time.”

“…Maybe.”

“Jesus Christ.” She yanks open his door, gripping his arm and physically pulling him out. Jungkook whines.

“Nari, I can’t—”

“You will.”

He digs his heels into the pavement.

“I need a second—”

“You don’t.”

“I’ll do it tomorrow—”

“You won’t.”

She drags him up the stairs. Jungkook stumbles, nearly dropping the daisies. By the time they reach your door, Jungkook is panting. He shakes his head, gripping the flowers like they might save him.

Nari rounds on him. “You have one week now, Jungkook. One. And you spent the past week, all of it doing stupid shit.”

Jungkook stares at the door, stomach twisting. “I—”

Nari doesn’t wait. She knocks.

Jungkook freezes.

The wait is excruciating.

[bluespiderlully]

KNY - Fix it! AU (+ My Characters) Canon Hashiras

This is the first post of the modern AU series, where I'll share with you moodboards and headcanons, for this post I'll cover just the canon Hashiras and in the next ones we'll see the non-canon and the OCs ones. A little warning: some of these headcanons are angsty but the concept I want here is of course hurt/comfort and it's a "bad things happened in the past but things aren't going bad now, we're all friends" kind of things. Anyway angsty headcanons aren't the majority.

🌊 Giyu Tomioka

Knows how to play piano, likes classical music a lot

60s/70s/80s sci-fi books reader, would probably start a conversation about a random book he red and end up talking about philosophy, religion and politics (Enmu and Harriet are the only ones to have actual conversations about the topics and don't just stand there confused).

Loves marine biology but never succeded in making a goldfish survive for more than one week.

🌫 Muichiro Tokito

Definitely a cat person.

Suffers from sleep paralysis and nightmares but draws anything disturbing he sees as a copying mechanism, Giyu thinks his art is pretty cool.

Super skilled at snowboarding and skateboarding.

🌪 Sanemi Shinazugawa

Overprotective with everyone he becomes friend with.

He always has rage issues, but they used to scare Ayumi off so he started working on it and managed to become calmer.

He doesn't listen to music, he listen to NOISE, if a vocalist doesn't sound like a clogged sink he doesn't listen to it.

🐍 Obanai Iguro

Has a Glasgow smile after surviving a serial killer attack. In this AU he wears a mask too, he just doesn't like to show the scar. He doesn't eat in front of people for the same reason.

Owns a black ball python and a white hognose snake and spends a lot of time decorating his terrarium (but he is careful with the hognose one, he doesn't want him to get stuck stucked as they always do).

Interested in occultism, reads a lot about it.

🌸 Mitsuri Kanroji

She does ballet since when she was 4.

Very good at baking sweets, but likes few of them so she always ends up giving them to others.

Makes friends easily and very quickly, her and Kyojuro are best friends since they were at kindergarten.

☄️ Tengen Uzui

When he was a child he wanted to become an astronaut, now he found out about planetary defense and wants to become part of that organization because "diverting asteroids is cool".

Got in every kind of trouble at school.

Drives like he could respawn infinite times.

🦋 Shinobu Kocho

Could talk about chemistry for hours.

Listens to metalcore and hyper pop and ends up hyperfixating with a song and listening to it until she ends up hating it.

Friends with Obanai, enjoys spending time with him and helping with his terrariums.

🔥 Kyojuro Rengoku

Eats a lot but would set the kitchen on fire if he tries to cook anything.

Couldn't get a driving licence and gave up on trying for his and others safety lol.

Cancer survivor but still feels insecure about his scars and about the fact he has some extra weight. He doesn't like talking about that.

Parts: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |